


Heart by Heart

by orphan_account



Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Band, Confused Harry, Endgame Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Flower Child Harry, Homophobia, Jock Liam, Jock Louis, Jock Niall, M/M, Music, Past Abuse, Sad Harry, altenate universe - high school, idk what else to tag, slight anorexia, slight self harm, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-01-03 04:17:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 47,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1065657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles is a seventeen year old boy returning to school after a year spent in a juvenile detention centre and another seven months in rehab. Wrongly imprisoned for a crime committed by his abusive father, and betrayed by his closest friend, Harry suffered from depression and an eating disorder. Whilst imprisoned, Harry meets Jamie who he becomes close to and then Zayn. On his return to school he comes face to face with the child hood friend who betrayed him. Louis Tomlinson. What will become of their relationship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting a fanfic so I hope it's not too bad ^^' I'd appreciate feedback or anything :) thanks for taking the time to read it and I hope it doesn't disappoint too much. Larry is endgame but idk why but I think Harry Styles and Jamie Campbell Bower would be adorable together <3 I really hope you don't hate this. Sorry for any errors, posting this on my phone

"Haz, come on. Just have a slice of toast even?"

I shake my head. "Z, I-I don't want to go."

My best mate of a year, Zayn Malik, looks at me sadly. His soft, dark brown eyes are sympathetic.

" Jamie organized it so I'm in all of your classes. I won't let anything bad happen. I _promise_."

I scratch at my wrists but Zayn gently takes hold of them and kisses my forehead. Despite his tough exterior, he is honestly really kind and gentle.

" Should I take these off...?" I whisper, unsure, pointing to my hair.

"No." He says definitely. "Haz, you look fine."

" Is my kitten alright?" A familiar pair of arms wrap around me from behind. I smile softly and run my cheek against his arm.

" Hey, Jamie." Zayn greets him brightly.

"Zayn, sup." Jamie grins and leans down to kiss my nose upside down. " Hi, Hazza."

" Jamie!" I turn around and hug him tightly. He laughs softly.

" Ate you okay?" He questions.

I sign quietly. "I... I... I'm not ready..."

"Harry, no one will be able to hurt you with Zaynie around." Jamie smiles and kisses my forehead. " And I'll be there a lot of the time as well. So don't worry."

Zayn nods his head. " Anyone who tries to touch our Hazza will regret it."

I bite my lip but say nothing. I know that if it comes to a fight over me, I will do everything in my power to stop them. I _refuse_ to let them get hurt because of me.

" Have you had breakfast?" Jamie asks, glancing from me to Zayn for confirmation.

"No... I feel sick..." I mumble.

" Come on, Haz, just eat a little. Even an apple?" Jamie snatched an apple from the fruit bowl and places it in front of me.

" How are _we_ domestic enough to have a fucking _fruit bowl_?" Zayn mutters.

I laugh quietly.

" Please, Harry, at least eat the apple?" Jamie pleads.

I reluctantly give in. It doesn't take me as long to say it as it would have a couple of months ago. My stomach still hurts at the thought.

" Good boy." Zayn grins at me and ruffles my curls.

" _Hey!_ I'm not a _dog!_ " I huff.

" No. You're our baby kitten." Jamie sniggers.

"Zoophile." I mutter.

Zayn snorts. " Nice one, Harry."

" We'd better get going." Jamie picks up my school bag. " It's very heavy. Do you reckon you'll be able to manage it or will Zayn carry a couple?"

I pout. "I built up my muscles again."

" I'm not doubting you, Haz, it's just that the school day is longer than your gym workouts were."

I sigh. "Okay..."

" Alright then. I'll take the heavier ones like the science books." Zayn decides.

" Which bag is it?" Jamie starts heading towards my room.

" The... Sleeping With Sirens one." I mumble.

Jamie disappears and Zayn starts tidying up the breakfast table. He puts the leftovers in the bin and the dishes in the dishwasher.

The three of us live in a small but fairly well furnished apartment. Most of the money used to purchase this place came from money made from Jamie's short time in prison and Zayn's time as a dealer.

I met Jamie two and a half years ago when I was fifteen. He was nineteen at the time and was serving time for battery. He told me what actually happened was he got in a fist fight outside a bar with a guy who had tried to assault his girlfriend. The guy ended up in hospital and Jamie's girlfriend refused to testify. So Jamie ended up with ten months. Jamie was my cell mate.

I encountered Zayn a year later in a rehabilitation facility. He was my room mate. Zayn was nearly eighteen and was in for drug addiction. He got out two months earlier than me. He and Jamie visited me frequently until I got out.

" Ready to go?" Jamie appears.

I glance at Zayn. "Yeah..."

" I'll put the stuff in the car." Zayn starts to bring out the bags.

" Listen, Harry. If anything happens or someone says something to you, don't hesitate to tell us, okay?" Jamie says seriously.

I nod silently.

" And Harry? Join the drama club, yeah?"

I laugh, " Perhaps."

" Ready to go." Zayn comes in.

" Where's my hoodie?" I look around. I don't really want to have just my t shirt.

" Here." Zayn hands it to me.

I avoid his and Jamie's eyes as I pull it on.

"Hazza, it's fine if you're not comfortable with them yet." Zayn puts a hand on my shoulder, nodding at my wrists.

I smile gratefully and go out to sit in the car. Despite being almost eighteen, I feel like a child. Especially starting school again. Psychologist tell me I feel younger because I spent two years of my child hood separate from my peers.

Jamie and Zayn sit in and start driving towards the school. Jamie blasts some A Day To Remember on the cd player.

The two of them started here two months ago, when first term started. I only got out of rehab a month ago and I had to wait a while. I dread going back. It's a new school but still. I _am_ looking forward to meeting Jamie and Zayn's friends though.

 

When they pull into the parking lot, there's a large group waiting. I start feeling my anxiety resurfacing but I force myself to remain calm.  
" You okay there, Harry?" Jamie looks back at me.

" Yeah... yeah... I'm fine." I mumble.

"Zayn!"

As soon as Zayn steps of of the car, a pretty girl with lilac hair, blue eyes and bright red lipstick jumps on him and pulls him into a kiss. There's cat calling from the others.

"I _knew it_.." I murmur to myself. Zayn has been incredibly cheerful lately.

" Guys, allow me to introduce the gorgeous Harry Styles!" Jamie grins as I step out of the car.

" Hi there, I'm Robert, but you can call me Robbie!"

A guy with curls, cat like dark green eyes, and dark eyelashes and eyebrows introduces himself cheekily in an Irish accent.

" _Sheehan_." Jamie laugh. " Hand _off"_

" He's pretty." Robbie shrugs, winking at me. 

" Nice to meet you Harry, I'm Nick Grimshaw, but everyone calls me Grimmy. Or Grimmers." A tall guy with chocolate coloured hair in a quiff rolls his eyes. 

I'm introduced to each person individually. Kevin Zegers. Black hair, blue eyes. Jade Thirlwall. Red- pink hair, brown eyes. Lily Collins. Red hair, brown eyes. Adam Lambert. Black hair, dark eyes. Perrie Edwards. Zayn's girlfriend. 

" What subject do you have first class?" Robbie comes over to talk to me as the others start chatting about other things. 

I glance at Zayn for help. 

" Maths." He looks over from where he is leaning against the wall with Perrie. 

" Oh! So you'll have Mrs. Byrne then." Robbie muses. " She's not _too_ bad. I guess." 

"I absolutely _love_ your flower crown." Perrie has detached herself from Zayn to come over and talk to me. 

I flush and look down at the ground shyly. " Thank you." She's really nice. 

" You're adorable. I meant it when I said I hope we'll be friends. You're a lovely lad. Very pretty too." She smiles brightly at me, her her blue eyes sparkling. 

I feel a blossom of warmth in my chest at her words. Other than Jamie and Zayn, people usually aren't this friendly to me. 

" Hey, I'm just going to drop your books off in your locker. I'll be back in a short while to bring you to maths." Zayn takes my booksand ruffles my hair gently before leaving. 

" Everything alright over here?" Jamie wraps an arm around my waist. He's not much taller than me. 

I smiled up at him happily, " Yeah, everything's good." 

He grins and goes to kiss me then hesitates, worry clearly visible in his blue eyes. " Are you... would you prefer people knowing or not...?" He asks quietly. 

I bite my lip and shake my head. I may as well. No point trying to hide it. If I'm bullied for it, at least it will be for the truth. 

"I love you Jamie." I kiss him shyly. He smiles into the kiss. His lip ring is cool and hard. 

"Awwwww! I _knew_ it!" Robbie shouts dramatically causing them all to look at us. 

I look at the ground flushing darkly, whilst Jamie flips them off good naturedly. Robbie grins back broadly. 

" All the cute guys are either straight or taken." Adam says theatrically. He throws his hands in the air to emphasize his point. 

"What about Zegers?" Robbie points at the black haired boy, whose eyes widen startled. 

" Hey! I am taken." His eyes flicker to Jamie before looking back at a girl with brown hair who beams at him. 

" Sorry Adam. You're out of luck." Jamie says dryly. He smiles at me. "I, however, am _incredibly_ lucky." He kisses me on the nose. 

__" Hey faggot! Go back to where you came from!"_ _

__A metal can hits me in the stomach. I double over in pain as another voice shouts, "We don't want anymore cocksuckers like you!"_ _

__A group of jocks in football jackets laugh loudly and make rude and violent gestures before walking off._ _

___"Shit! Harry are you okay?!"_  
" Harry!"  
"Haz!" 

__Multiple concerned voices reach my ears but I don't register any of them. Flashbacks of my last years in school assault me and I feel paralyzed. I swallow back tears threatening to fall._ _

__" I'll fucking kill them." Jamie says furiously._ _

__Jamie's voices startles me back into reality. "No! Please!" I look at him imploring him not to. I don't want him hurt on my account. I hate how close my voice is to breaking._ _

__Jamie holds me tightly and whispers distractions in my ear. His long blonde hair tickles my neck, as does his cool minty breath. There's silence from the others until Zayn arrives._ _

__" What's going on? What happened? Is Harry okay? What's wrong?"_ _

__Zayn comes back with a cigarette in his mouth which is quickly dropped as he question the others urgently._ _

__Jamie nods at Perrie to tell him so she puts a petite hand in his tattooed forearm and whispers the explanation in his ear. A dark shadow passes over his face._ _

__" Don't." Jamie says quietly, knowing what's going through Zayn's mind. I'm grateful to Jamie for it. Zayn is as impulsive as Jamie._ _

__" Harry, are you hurt?" Zayn and quietly, concern and anger in his eyes._ _

__"I... I'm okay..." I whisper. It hurts but if they know how much, they will seek revenge. I know them. Jamie is the only reason I got out of prison alive._ _

__"Bring him to class and don't let him out of your sight. If something happens, ring me or one of the other lads." Jamie says seriously. Zayn nods._ _

__" I'm not _that_ fragile..." I protest, my attempt unconvincing. I sigh inaudibly and silently follow Zayn to class. After the bell has ring and the corridors have been emptied.__


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for reading and the lovely comments on the last chapter :) sorry for the delay, I have my Christmas tests in school ;-; hope you like this new chapter, sorry for any errors. This one is from Louis' pov

" Well done, Tomlinson! Great playing!"

I smile wearily as Coach Keane pats me on the back while I exit the gym hall. I'm so tired after P.E and it's only first class.

"Louis, I swear to god, you may be small, but jesus christ, colliding with you is bloody _painful_!"

I laugh cheerfully as one of my best mates, Niall Horan, grimaces, rubbing his left shoulder when I tackled him earlier.

"D'you reckon Coach will let us off training after school today after how we just played?" Liam wonders out loud as we walk towards the changing rooms.

"Li, does he _ever_?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"No need to be sassy." Liam says airily.

" As captain, I may manage to persuade him to let us of earlier." I muse. Highly unlikely though. Coach is a tough trainer.

" As co- captain, I agree." Niall laughs.

" Did you see how he started _crying_?!"

As we enter the changing room, Davis and a few of our other team mates are in stitches laughing. It's interesting to see the huge tough lads like this.

" What's the craic?" Niall questions brightly.

" There's a new faggot in our year." David crows gleefully.

My grin falters slightly. I'm not liking where this is heading. " Oh, really? What did you do to him?" I ask lightly.

I have no doubt that they did something to him. Unless it's a girl. More likely a boy considering how excited the lads look.

" He was with Zeger's group. He's with that Bower kid. Peter threw our coke can at him and I swear he was actually crying!"

I feel my heart sink to my stomach as I try to keep a grin on my face. I can't show any sympathy for this new kid.

"I don't think it's particularly funny." Liam says coolly. He's never really liked David and Peter's group.

"Course you wouldn't Payne, cause you're a fucking pain in the neck!" Peter sniggers.

" Watch it!" I snap angrily. I won't tolerate them dissing Liam.

" Whatever." Peter shrugs, still smirking. " Careful fag lover here doesn't turn you." They walk out of the changing room laughing.

As soon as they leave, Liam looks at me exasperated. " Why can't you do something about them? You're the captain for god's sake!"

" Like _what_ Li?" I roughly grab my school bag. "I can't do anything about it without wrecking my authority as captain!"

" It's okay, Lou." Niall says calmly. " We understand." He puts an arm around Liam's shoulders.

Next class is psychology. I don't know why I signed up for this class. I hate it. Luckily Liam and Niall are in this class too. They sit either side of me in the back row.

" Louis!"

" Eleanor!" I try to look enthusiastic but I fail miserably.

" What's up?" Demi looks at me curiously as she kisses Niall.

" Nothing." I sigh dramatically.

Eleanor takes my hand and squeezes it. "If you want to talk or anything, just let me know," she says softly.

I smile at her gratefully. " Thanks, El." I kiss her quickly.

" Girls! Seats please!" Mr. Boland walks in looking in a pleasant mood for once.

" Talk to you later." Eleanor kisses me on the cheek before retreating to her seat with Demi.

The class is boring and my mind wanders back to the changing room episode. I start to wonder about the new kid. He's probably in for a rough time if David and Peter have marked him as their target for the year.

" The new guy is so _cute_! His eyes are gorgeous!"  
"I _know_! His curls are adorable!"  
The girls in front of us giggle hysterically.

I roll my eyes at Liam who chuckles. Now I'm really curious about this new kid.

Suddenly the classroom door opens. " Sorry I'm late!"

A medium height guy with golden coloured hair and brown eyes stumbles in. "I'm new, I had to speak with the principal."

" Brandon Dunphy?" Mr. Boland checks the register, " or Ha-"

"No. Brandon, sir." The boy smiles brightly.

I examine him without making it obvious. He's quite fit looking. Muscular. Doesn't look like the crying type. Or maybe he's just a good actor. But he also doesn't look like the kind to hang out with Zegers' group either.

" I'm fucking _starving_!" Niall mumbles from beside me.

" One more class to go." Liam reminds him.

Niall curses colourfully. Liam grins at him fondly.

The next class is chemistry. We're a little late as we go with Niall to his locker to get mine and Liam' s chemistry books.

Niall doesn't study chemistry so Liam and I sit beside one of our mates, Josh. A few minutes after we walk in, Zegers and Malik arrive. They're both sporting busted lips and look like they've been in a fight. Ms. Owns takes them outside to question them.

" Louis, did you do the homework?" Josh looks panicked.

" Yeah, here, you can copy it." I grin and pass him the copy. "I copied it off Li." I add as he frantically starts copying itit out.

Liam sighs. " _Last time_ , Louis."

At break time, we go in search of Niall and the others. They're at the usual table. And being loud and noisy as usual.

" Louis!" Eleanor jumps up and kisses me. " Are you okay?" Her voice is concerned.

" Yeah?" I kiss her back a little unsure.

" David, Mike and Joey got join a huge fight with the new kid, Malik and Zegers." She explains. "I was afraid you were involved."

" Oh, so that's what happened to them!" I can't help laughing. There is no love love lost between myself and Zegers. " They looked a little the worst for wear in chemistry! How are David, Joey and Mike?"

Eleanor looks disapproving. "Malik broke David's nose and Mike's. Zegers bruised Joey pretty badly and the new kid broke his nose."

" Really? He looked muscular but I wouldn't have thought he could take on Joey?" I raise an eyebrow.

" Seriously? _I_ wouldn't call him muscular. Toned maybe but..." Eleanor shrugs, " he's in the infirmary."

" Where he deserves to be!" I hear Joey approach. "Fucking faggot." He spits. His nose is discoloured.

I sigh wearily. " Hey, mate, are you alright?"

" Course!" He glares at me as if I was the one who broke his nose.

" You should just leave the poor kid alone." Eleanor say unexpectedly.

" What's it to you, Calder?" Joey snaps.

" Hey!" I glare at him. I won't let anyone disrespect El. Not just because she's my girlfriend, but because she's such a sweet person.

Eleanor ignores him and pullS me aside. She leans in close. " Don't say this to them or they'll make life worse for the new kid, okay? Please?" She looks at me carefully.

"I won't." I promised, my curiosity peaked.

"I overheard Mr. Brown, the guidance counselor, telling the nurse that the new kid is only one month out of rehab. Something was mentioned about severe depression, but I could be wrong." She looks up at me, " You should try and get them to lay off him a bit, just in case."

I kiss her forehead. " Sure, El. You're such a lovely person, I'm so lucky."

She blushes, " Louis!"

" This new kid sounds like a right mystery." I comment. " What I've heard is so different to what I've seen."

Eleanor just laughs and grabs her bag as the bell rings.

"Must be the blonde hair. Blondes are odd." I muse.

She looks at me strangely before laughing, shaking her head and leaving for next class.

" Double English next, yeah?" Niall comes over after kissing Demi goodbye.

"Yup." Liam pretends to be enthusiastic.

We arrive a little early to the classroom but we're not the first. Malik and his girlfriend are in there. They don't notice our arrival.

I don't like Malik. He's intimidating and we've been fighting since he came here at the beginning of term.

"Malik's tattoos are pretty class." Niall murmurs beside me. I shut him up quickly with a glare.

The girl is patting something on the chair/ desk between them. She is wearing Malik's leather jacket.

I suddenly realize it's a person with their head on their arms between them. The person has unruly chocolate curls and is strangely wearing a white flower crown. They're dressed in black skinny jeans, faded brown boots and a hoody with some weird band on it.

" Are you okay?" The girl and the person gently.

" Just ignore them. Jocks are inherently stupid.'' Malik murmurs to the person.

I decided to make our presence known. " Excuse me? I'm afraid I find that incredibly insulting."

Mario looks up and his surprisingly gentle looking eyes turn icy cold. "Fuck off, Tomlinson."

Suddenly the person like up. My heart almost stops and my eyes widen in shock. I'm looking at a gaunt, pale face with bloodied red lips. I stare at the dull, pained green eyes, glittering with unshed tears. Despite the drastic change, I still recognize him and my heart hurts at how much he's changed.

"H- Harry?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! .xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I couldn't get this up sooner, stuff cropped up. Sorry for any errors as usual, I just noticed Malik tends to correct to Mario O.o idkso here's the third chapter:) .x

"H-Harry?"

As soon as I make eye contact with those ocean blue eyes, I feel like I've been hit by multiple trains, been trampled on by the population of the universe, then had my heart ripped out and shattered into a million pieces. The pain of being beaten up earlier is nothing in comparison.

"Louis?" The blonde haired guy with blue eyes beside him, looks at him confused. The other one with short brown hair and brown eyes looks unsure.

" Harry! Breathe!" Zayn whispers urgently.

I tear my eyes from a shocked looking Louis to turn to Zayn. I realize with terror that I can't actually breathe as students begin to come in, talking and laughing loudly.

"C'mon." Zayn grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door of the classroom, leaving Perrie to explain our absence to the teacher. 

" Wait-" Louis reaches out and touches my arm.

I recoil as if I've been stung before fleeing with Zayn. I clutch his arm and follow him blindly through the corridors, trying to calm myself down.

A gust of fresh air his me as Zayn pulls me outside. I gasp in the refreshing air and let it fill my lungs. It hurts my ribs breathing in but I don't care.

"Haz?" Zayn looks at me alarmed. " Will I ring Jamie? What's wrong?"

His voice and demeanor is calm but I sense his panic from his expression.

I steady myself against the wall of the building. My heart is racing and there are painful memories flooding my mind. I feel the urge to cut almost overwhelming me and I bite my lip to distract myself.

"Zayn. I need a cigarette." I manage to say, my voice choked. I wrap my arms around myself tightly despite my bruised ribs, in an attempt to keep myself from scratching my wrists.

Zayn pulls a packet from his jeans and silently hands me one and a lighter. His gaze is scrutinizing. My hands are shaking too much to be able to light the cigarette so he does it for me.

I place the filter between my battered lips and inhale the smoke. I start coughing but I want to let the smoke burn my throat. I take a couple more drags with Zayn watching me in silence, waiting for me to speak.

"Remember... remember... _that_ night?"

I hesitantly look at Zayn. I know he understands what I'm referring to. My first week in the rehabilitation centre, I'd stolen his razors which he'd kept hidden from me, but I was desperate. He'd come back to find me lying half conscious on the floor, in a pool of my own blood.

Zayn nods abruptly. I can tell he remembers from the closed look in his eyes and his tense rigid posture.

" And you know how I told you.... how I had nightmares...?" I bite my lip.

"I remember. The first month or so, you woke up screaming every night." He says quietly in a pained voice.

I avoid his gaze. " Okay... so... remember how I told you... part of the reason I did what I did and had nightmares, was because of someone I used to know...?"

Zayn's eyes widen and he looks wild. " Are you telling me that the _dick_ who outed you to your school is _Louis Tomlison_?" 

His voice is calm and controlled but he's clearly itching to go and do something violent.

"Zayn. You can't do anything to him. Please." I plead with him.

" Harry. That fucker _ruined_ your life!" Zayn spits out vehemently.

I shake my head, then amend. " It wasn't entirely his fault. Partially him. Mostly circumstances. A.k.a my psycho father and those.... the ones on the detention centre..." I repress my memories off it so I don't have to deal with them as well as... Louis.

" You still have feelings for him." Zayn says bluntly. He looks frustrated.

I stare at him. " Yeah. I _hate_ him. Hence the almost panic attack." My voice betrays me with its uneven tone.

" If he hurts you again, I will kill him." Zayn says darkly. I don't doubt him for a second that he's telling the truth.

" We should probably go back inside." I say in a small voice. I dread going back in to face _him_ again. I can't believe he's at this school. He never intended coming here.

" Stay close to me, okay? I think Kevin and Robbie are in our classes after lunch." Zayn has a guarded look about him. I feel tension coil in my stomach.

I silently follow him back into the classroom. Clad is ten minutes from being over. The teacher makes no comment as Zayn and I resume our seats beside Perrie who immediately starts asking if I'm okay. I can feel am intense gaze on me but I refuse to fall into the trap of looking up.

I keep my head on the desk for the rest of the class and go through escape plans in my head. I don't want this to escalate into another fight.

When the bell rings, the teacher calls Zayn and I up to her credit. I keep my eyes trained on the floor as I make my way over. Unfortunately, I bump into someone.

" Out of my way, faggot!" A large boy with fair hair and dark eyes shoves me. I stumble back.

" Dean, leave him." A sweet familiar voice snaps.

I look up to see Louis glaring at the blonde, his hair neatly tousled and feathery. I resist the urge to flee.

" Defending the faggot, Louis? I'd watch your step if I were you." Dean sneers.

Louis glances at me and something flickers in his eyes before he walks off, followed by his two mates.

I swallow the hurt and walk past Dean to the teacher, where Zayn is waiting looking furious. I shake my head at him to make sure he doesn't do something rash.

" Harry Styles, correct?" The teacher is a tall brunette who looks down on me, her pale eyes piercing.

"Y- yes ." I manage to say, still a little shaken after the encounter with Dean and Louis.

The teacher begins questioning us on our absence at the start of class. She doesn't believe me when I admit to almost having a panic attack.

Perrie is quick to come to my defence and she's so protective. Zayn looks at her lovingly as she fiercely backs us against the teacher. I think Perrie is one of the nicest girls I've ever meet in my life.

" Detention for the three of you. After school. You are dismissed." The teacher ends the discussion abruptly. She glares at me.

Zayn opens his mouth angrily to dispute the matter further but Perrie puts a hand on his arm, " Let's just go for lunch and we can sort things out with Jamie and Kevin."

" We should get Harry cleaned up a bit first, that nurse did a rubbish job of getting rid of the blood." Zayn pulls us into the bathroom to clear up my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! .x


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone who's reading .x sorryfor not uploading sooner, and any errors! school is being irritating. Hope you like this chapter .X

"I think this food gets worse every week."

I raise an eyebrow at Niall who is currently stuffing a hamburger into his mouth. " Are you _serious_?"

" I'm _hungry_." He responds nonchalantly.

Demi laughs sweetly and kisses his cheek whilst swiping some of his coke. He protests half heartedly.

"I _love_ your hair!" Eleanor beams at Demi from beside me. "Is Taylor letting you keep it?"

" Yeah, I argued that the blue matches the football jackets." Demi grins, ruining a hand through her electric blue hair.

" Hey, Louis, when is our next game? Is it this Friday?" Liam looks up from his tray of food.

" Yeah, Friday." I shrug, " I'll double check that. So no one get injured, okay?" I glare around the crowded table.

" Of course not, Tommo!" Niall sniggers. I exhale loudly.

Suddenly the cafeteria goes quiet before resuming with more animation. I look over at the entrance to see the cause.

Malik. Zegers. And... Harry? He looks even more different than earlier. His face is clean of the blood though it's obvious from the dark bruise on his cheek that he was in a fight. He's more hunched than I remember and a lot thinner. His skinny jeans cling to his slim legs and the black t shirt he's wearing under the hoodie dips below prominent collarbones revealing the tips of tattoos.

"Yoohoo, Lou! Earth to Louis!" Niall throws a chip at me to get my attention.

" _What_?" I glare at him, forgetting about Harry.

He sighs dramatically. " My house. Friday. After the game. Party. What's distracting you?"

"Oh right. Sure, we'll be there." I offer him a grin and kiss Eleanor on the cheek. 

She smiles in agreement and stands up. " I've to go to the bathroom." She kisses me quickly then leaves.

"Faggot!" Dean suddenly shouts.

I look around to see Harry passing the table with Zegers and Bower. I notice how he hunches his shoulders even more. Bower turns on Dean.

" Shut the fuck up, asshole."

Dean growls and jumps up to face the blonde. " You're a fucking faggot too!"

"And? I don't really fucking care." Bower spits at Dean.

I keep my eyes on Harry and he looks terrified. His face is drained of colour and he's almost shaking.

Dean goes to punch Bower but Zegers is lightning fast and pulls the blonde out of the way. Dean stumbles and lashes out, his flailing fists connecting with Harry.

Bower looks furious and shoves Dean off of Harry. He helps him up off the floor and puts an arm around him.

" Die you fucking fairy." Dean hisses at Harry viciously.

The shock and hurt is clearly visible in his emerald eyes which sparkle with unshed tears. His white flower crown is slipping off his curls. His gaze momentarily rests on and I see sadness in his eyes.

" Dean, grows up." Liam says icily, " I'd like one lunchtime _without_ you attacking the gay population of the school."

Dean looks livid. He storms out of the cafeteria leaving a buzz of gossip in his wake.

I notice that in the commotion of the argument, Harry's tray was knocked to the floor. There's not much on it, an apple, water and a salad.

"Sorry about that lads!" Niall apologizes cheerfully to the trio.

" No we're not." Peter snaps at Niall.

"I don't give a fuck." Bower narrows his eyes, "leave Harry alone or I will fucking kill you, understand?"

I notice Harry meekly pulling the blonde's tshirt and shaking his head. Seems he's still not much of a fighter. I feel a pang of guilt and I push away the memories.

I grab the apple and bottle on my own tray and offer them to the curly haired boy. " Here, I'm not eating these and yours is on the floor so..."

I don't know what impulse made me do this. I can tell the eyes of the cafeteria and of my team mates on me, but more importantly, Harry's.

There's a myriad of emotions flickering through his eyes. Mostly confusion and sadness. For a second he reaches out as if to accept them, before flinching away and dropping his gaze.

"Jamie, let's go." He mumbles quietly to the blonde who takes his hand. I feel something stir inside me but I refuse to acknowledge it as they walk away.

" What the fuck Tomlinson!" Peter yells at me.

" Watch it or I'll have you sidelined." I threaten. I'm on the receiving end of many glares and judgmental looks but I'm too pissed to care.

Part of me is angry that Harry came to this school. I know it's not his fault through. He clearly didn't know I attended here from his reaction earlier. Which kinda hurt. I probably deserve it. I mostly feel guilty.

" Louis, who is the new kid?" Liam asks me quietly when everyone had begun talking again.

I hadn't noticed him observing me and I almost have a heart attack when he addresses me.

"I don't know?" I inwardly curse myself for my panicked response. He's going to know something's up.

" You know his name earlier." He points out, raising an eyebrow.

I choose to ignore him. " Hey, El," I say as soon as she arrives back, " do you want to go for a walk? I need some fresh air." I announce.

Eleanor nods, a little confused, " Sure." She stands up and straightens her skirt. I take her hand, ignoring the others and walk out of the cafeteria.

" Louis, what's wrong?" Eleanor and as soon as we arrive in a deserted corridor. There is concern evident in her eyes.

I run a hand through my already messy hair and sigh, " It doesn't matter, El, really." I mumble.

She stops walking and turns to face me. " Louis, I _know_ something is up. You've been out of sorts all day. Are you worried about the match on Friday?"

I feel bad about lying but I can't tell her the truth, she wouldn't understand. Instead I half lie. " Yeah, I don't know what to do about Peter and Dean and them. If they keep picking fights, they'll end up suspended."

Eleanor nods understanding, " They kind of pricks."

I can't help laughing, " Well that's _one_ way to put it." I kiss her. " Unfortunately I need them on the team to win Friday."

Eleanor sighs, " Taylor is working us so hard to be ready for the game. We have a new routine and everything!"

I smile brightly, "I look forward to seeing it. I'm sure it's fantastic!"

She laughs, " You're so sarcastic."

I stick my tongue out at her. "Excuse _me_ , I speak the truth!"

" Perhaps. Highly unlikely through. You should have seen our practise." She sighs deeply, " Sometimes I regret being a cheer leader."

I look at her in alarm, " Don't let Swift head you saying that or-"

"I know Louis." She puts a dainty finger on my lips to shut me up. I grin mischievously and nibble her finger. In return, she swats my head.

" Hey! Louis!" A voice yells.

I turn around to see a flustered Niall running towards us. He has his football jacket around his narrow waist and is wearing a white tank top over jeans.

" What's up, Niall?" I've a bad feeling he's bringing bad news.

Niall glances at Eleanor and smiles to acknowledge her, before turning his attention back to me. " We have a huge, fucking _gigantic_ problem, Lou. Peter and Dean have just been suspended from playing Friday's game."

" What the fuck!" I stare at him in shock. " I was hardly gone twenty minutes!" Asses they may be, but I _need_ them for the game.

" Why?" I demand.

" They got in another fight." Niall rolls his eyes to heaven. "Fucking typical. Twats."

" With who? Why?" I'm almost afraid to hear the answer. My stomach is in knots from the tension.

"Sheehan, Zegers, Malik, Bower, Lambert and the new kid." Niall lists them off. "A few of the others on the team were involved but it was Peter and Dean who started it."

I feel Eleanor put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. " Louis, you'll manage. There's plenty of other good players on the team who can fill their places."

I shake my head. " We don't have time to go over the tactics." I run my hand through my hair frantically. " Did the others get suspended?"

" No, just Peter and Dean. Zegers and Sheehan almost did on account of their record but the new kid insisted they were just sticking up for him." Niall shrugs. "I don't think he'll last long here."

The bell rings loudly to signal the end of lunch. I sigh wearily. " Biology, yeah, Niall?" I'm really not in the mood for it now.

"Yup." Niall groans, " and I haven'tthe homework done."

I have Spanish now so I'll see you later in maths." Eleanor kisses me, " And don't worry, things will be okay."

I kiss her goodbye before heading to biology with Niall.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I feel like this chapter is kind of rushed and terrible idk sorry

_" Haz, are you alright?"  
I smile brightly at the pretty boy in front of me. His ocean blue eyes look worried and his brown hair is long and shaggy._

_" Lou, I'm fine, honest. As long I have you everything will be okay." I kiss his cheek very quickly._

_This part of the school is always deserted in the mornings, even so, any kisses have to be incredibly quick in case anyone appears._

_"Hazza, I love you." Louis caresses my bruised cheek before kissing me deeply._

_" What the fuck! Lou!"_

_At that moment, a group of Louis' football friends appear. My stomach plummets painfully._

_Louis springs away from me so fast and I see a look of anguish in his eyes. He whispers something unintelligible before suddenly punching me._

_I double over in pain, my stomach still hurts from the beating I got last night from my father._

_" Lou?" I look up at him, fighting back tears._

_" Did he make a move on you, Louis?" One of the huge lads demands._

_" Yeah..." Louis swallows, avoiding my eyes._

_His mates begin hitting and kicking me violently. I crumble to the floor. I feel Louis looking down on me but I can't meet his eyes. As I begin to black out, I hear my name being called._

_" Harry!"_

_" Harry"_

My eyes snap open and a pair of cat like green eyes peer at me worriedly.

"Robbie...?" I blink confusedly. I realize I must have fallen asleep. Only Robbie seems to have noticed. " Where's Zayn...?" 

" Harry, he's not in this class." Robbie murmurs. He looks unsure of what to do. " Are you okay? "

I remember that Zayn wasn't allowed switch languages. Then I remember the dream. More like flashback. I feel sick.

"Mr. Styles, is everything alright?" The teacher of the class stops speaking to address me from her desk.

I feign a smile, " Yes, thank you."

My hands are shaking and I want to throw up. I glance at the time and there's still half an hour left until school is over.

"Ms. Calder, as head girl, could you please escort Mr. Styles outside? I think he needs a breath of fresh air." The teacher looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

I hear Robbie grit his teeth and mutter something I didn't catch. He seems reluctant to let me go.

" Of course, Miss." A pretty brunette with dark eyes stands up and smiles warmly. She walks to the door and I don't have much choice but to follow her outside.

" Hi, allow me to introduce myself, my name is Eleanour Calder, I'm the head girl so if you have any difficulties you can come to me." She says sweetly. " What's your name?"

I eye her warily, " Harry Styles..." I fidget with the sleeves of my hoodie. I don't feel comfortable. She seems nice but I am not stupid enough to trust her just because she's being nice to me. Unlike Perrie, we have no mutual friends and I don't know the first thing about her.

" You're new, right? Do you like it here so far? What was your last school like?" She questions me as we walk outside.

The fresh air clears my head a little. I banish thoughts of Louis. I'm done with him, I tell myself. This girl seems alright.

" It's not much different from many old school." I say, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. It's true though. The last year in my past school was hell after I was outed.

" Are you going to join any clubs? You should, it's great way to make friends." Eleanor smiles, " I'd say you'll be popular with the ladies with those curls and green eyes!"

I lower my head and avoid her eyes. " Thanks...." I mumble. If she doesn't already know, I don't see why I should just tell her.

" If you're gay that's okay too you know?" She suddenly says softly.

My eyes widen and I tense. " What- how..." I look at her feeling like a deer in the headlights. 

She laughs quietly, "I heard a rumor about you and Bower but I wasn't sure if it was true. I thought he and _Zegers_ were an item. Guess not!"

I feel relieved. I'm glad she's not going to start verbally abusing me. I don't think I'd be able for it right now.

" Also, the lack of reaction to the fact lots of the girls fancy you was a bit of a giveaway." She chuckles. " Doing worry, I don't have a problem with your preferences, just, be careful, not everyone will be as understanding."

I think of the football team and shiver. They're not going to make my life any easier. I'm not even here a day and I've been in four altercations with them. Also, the suspension of their players is not going to do me any favours.

The bell rings for the end of class and the end of school. Eleanor smiles at me, " Harry, it was lovely to talk with you, you're a sweet lad." She kisses me on the cheek and starts walking back inside.

I pull out my phone and there were a few missed calls from Robbie, Zayn and Jamie. I dial Jamie and he picks up on the first ring.

"Haz, are you okay? When are you?" He sounds frantic.

" I'm okay," I reassure him earnestly. I'm actually feeling okay nice. That girl seems genuinely nice.

" Where are you?" He asks urgently.

I look around, I really don't know where I am. " Outside..." I search for a sign or something. " There's a cherry blossom tree," I look up at it in awe.

" Harry. You're near the gym hall. Don't move, don't draw attention to yourself. We'll be there in a minute." He hangs up and I wait for them to come get me, feeling quite nervous.

"Haz!" Jamie pulls me into a hug from behind. I smile and turn around to face him. He kisses my forehead, " Are you alright? Robbie told me-"

I kiss him quickly to shut him up. "I don't want to talk about it." I mumble. I avoid his eyes and look over at Zayn who had an arm around Perrie. He looks rather tense.

" We should go to the lockers and get out books." Adam suggests, breaking the silence.

" Okay, me Kevin, and Robbie will go with Harry and whoever had their locker near the demonstration room." Jamie decides. I feel like they're my bodyguards or something.

I don't actually know where my locker is so I follow Jamie and Robert. Robert is talking enthusiastically about some movie that's coming out.

" This is your locker, Harry, number 369." Jamie opens his own locker which is almost beside mine. Kevin's is below it and Robert's is above it.

I open mine and start sorting out my books. I look around curiously to see who else is around. I noticed Eleanor going to her locker a few to the left of mine. She sees me and smiles. I'm about to say hi when someone calls her name. She looks around and her smile brightens.

"Louis!" 

A boy in a blue football jacket kisses her enthusiastically. He pulls back for air briefly before kissing her again. I quickly look away feeling knives piercing my heart.

" Lou, stop!" I hear Eleanor giggle.  
" Harry?" Jamie gets my attention and I just stare at him.

" Louis, this is Harry!" Eleanor comes over with Louis on her arm. He looks startled. " Harry, this is my boyfriend, Louis Tomlinson!"

Louis swallows and reluctantly meets my gaze. I notice him tighten his arm around Eleanor. I feel both devastated and furious. I get a flashback of how he treated me after he outed me and before I can stop myself, I punch him in the face. Granted, it's not very hard but still, he reels backward, shocked.

" _Louis!_ " Eleanor looks at me, horrified. She starts fussing over Louis frantically.

Louis brushes get hands away and he looks at me, stunned. There's total silence in the corridor then students begin whispering wildly.

" Harry?" Louis' eyes are wide and he looks upset. Some of his mates start to come over, yelling obscenities.

Just as one of them grabs me, Louis snaps out a command, " Leave him alone, George.""

" What the fuck Tomlinson! You're gonna let that fairy punch you and not do anything about it?"

Louis looks at him icily. " Are you seriously that stupid? I just don't want you getting suspended for the game Friday like Peter and David!"

The brief feeling of hope I felt quickly vanished replaced by crushing disappointment. I turn on my heels and walk away before anyone can stop me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading .X


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay, I just couldn't write this chapter. My brain isn't working. Apologies if this is a shitty chapter, I wrote a second chapter which I will also upload .x also sorry for any errors as usual, posting on my phone

" Louis, you didn't get in a fight today, did you?"  
I fling my bag under the stairs. " No, mom... " I sigh, "not really..." I add under my breath.

My mother raises an eyebrow at me. I offer her a smile which she returns, then pulls me into a big hug. " What's up, I know there's something up."

I'm reminded of Eleanor earlier and I smile. Then I remember the question. " Mom, seriously, I'm fine." I ignore the flash of green eyes imprinted on my eyelids.

" If you insist." She opens the kitchen door, " Diner is ready, the girls are at grinds. Do you want some tea?"

I nod and start flicking through some of her magazines. There's nothing of interest to be found in them. She sets the plate of pasta in front of me and I quickly start eating it.

" So, how was your day?"

I look up startled, " It was alright. We've a game Friday. David and Peter got suspended though." I glare at my plate. I'm going to fucking kill them.

"Oh, that's not good." Mum says sympathetically. " What did they get suspended for?"

I freeze. "Um.... they got in a fight..."

"Over what?" Mum sighs, " You weren't involved were you?"

I shake my head, "I was not! Those two are complete tossers. They beat up the new kid. Not my fault!"

" Then why do you look like you've been punched?" She questions.

I touch my cheek where Harry punched me. It hurts. His knuckles are very bony. I think of how thin he is.

" Victim of circumstance." I announce. " Also not my fault."

" Who punched you?" Mum sighs wearily, throwing her eyes to heaven.

" The new kid." I avoid saying Harry's name. Mum can not find out. She would kill me.

" Oh? Tough one, is he?"

" No. Definitely not." I think of Harry's absurd flower crown and soft curls. He's to sweet to be called tough. Then again. He did punch me.

" I'm going to go up and start my homework." I stand up and clear the table. I kiss my mother on the cheek before going up to my room.

I sprawl out on my bed and stare at the ceiling frustratedly. What am I supposed to do about Friday's game? And about Harry? Every time I think of him I feel sick with guilt.

I roll over and grab my laptop. I don't know what I'm doing. I log on to my Facebook and there are a bunch of notifications and friends requests. I ignore them and type in Harry's name. A number of suggestions come up but his account is recognizable.

His profile picture is of himself, Bower and Malik. He looks happy in it, a far cry from how he looked earlier. His header is a quote from some band.

I scroll down. His profile is on private so I can't see much. He seems to have been completely inactive the last couple of years. 

I want to talk to him. I want to know why he has changed so much. I want to apologize. I want to know what happened his father. I want to know what went on that I never knew about. I want Harry.

I jump when my phone rings. It's Eleanor. My mind goes back to the fight and I rub my cheek before answering the phone. " Hey?"

" Hi Louis, how are you? Are you okay?" Eleanor sounds worried.

" Yeah, El, I'm perfectly fine." I frown a little. It wasn't that hard. 

" I'm sorry. I had no idea he would do that! He seemed alright when I spoke to him earlier. He seemed really sweet!" Eleanor apologizes profusely.

I shrug then remember she can't actually see me. "El, it doesn't matter. He's not strong enough to have hurt me." It's not a complete lie. It only hurt because his knuckles are bony.

" Louis, don't beat him up for it tomorrow. Give him another chance. I'll talk to him. Find out what's his problem-"

" No!" I exclaim, internally cursing myself for my urgency. I can't let Eleanor know what happened between me and Harry.

"I promise I won't touch him." I say quickly.

"I was talking to Taylor after school over practise and she said she's been trying to find out about him." Eleanor coughs.

I tense. This can't be good. Taylor's a bitch. Dean is her boyfriend. " And?" 

"He apparently killed his mother and then tried to kill himself but he failed and ended up in rehab." Eleanor says quietly. " Personally I don't believe it. He doesn't seem the type."

I almost drop my phone as I listen to Eleanor's words. I can't believe it either but. I remember the horrible beatings Harry got from his drunken father and his his mother just let it happen. Maybe he snapped.

" Louis?"

" Look, El, thanks for telling me but I have to go now." I lie. " Dinner."

" Okay, and Louis, don't worry about the game. I'll see you tomorrow." She hangs up.

I shut my laptop and fling my phone across the room. I run down stairs quickly.

" MOM!" I call out for her.

" I'm in the sitting room, honey." She replies.

I sit down on the arm chair opposite her and take a deep breath. This isn't going to be easy. The year he disappeared from our school I pleaded with her to tell me where he went. She refused and I eventually gave up.

 

" Mum..." I look at her directly. " What happened to Harry Styles...? Will you tell me? Please?"

Her eyes widen. " Louis, why are you asking me this now? It's been over two years."

I shrug. "I just wondered. He'd be nearly eighteen by now. I think I'm old enough for you to tell me, mum."

" I guess. But Louis, I don't know where he is now. I just know the basics of what happened." Mum looks at me anxiously.

I shrug. " Mum, please, just tell me."

" Well, the reason he disappeared was because his mother was killed and he took the blame. He tried to kill himself but he was sent to a juvenile detention centre. I don't know what happened to him after that."

I stare at her. What. " He killed his mother?" I ask, shocked.

" He took the blame for it but I don't believe for a second it's true. Evidence change to light half way through his sentence that implicated his father in the murder. But Harry refused a second trial. That's all I could ever find out."

I let her words sink in. " Why. Why would he try to kill himself? Was it before or after Anne's murder?"

" That's where the evidence proves Harry could be innocent. It was just before the mother was shot. So it's highly unlikely Harry was involved."

" But, why did he try to kill himself?" I whisper, almost afraid of the answer.

"I don't know." Mum looks extremely upset.

I go over and hug her tightly. "It's okay, mum, I'm sure he's... happy... now."

" You're right. He was a sweet, charming lad. He's bound to have made some good friends."

I think of Bower and Malik and make an odd noise that mum takes for agreement.

" I'd better go collect your sisters." She kisses my cheek and grabs her keys. She leaves with a sad smile.

I'm left alone to deal with thoughts of Harry Styles and everything that went wrong.

 

It's ten o clock before I get to bed as a result of helping my little sisters with their homework and playing with them. My phone rings as soon as I sprawl out on my bed.

" Hello?" I answer tiredly.

" Hey, Lou, it's Liam. I was just wondering... could I talk to you tomorrow after school...?"

Liam sounds very nervous and hesitant. He almost seems afraid.

"Li, what's wrong? Has something happened?" I demand. If someone has done something to him, I will kill them.

" No.. I.. I just need to talk to you..."  
He hangs up abruptly and I look at my phone in confusion. What is going on?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the seventh chapter wow. Hope this one is better than the last .x also Liam and Niall are in this one ^_^ hope you like it .x

"Malik, Edwards and Styles, outside the door. Now!"

As soon as we walk in the door of the classroom, the English teacher orders us back out. I look at Zayn, unsure. The woman follows us out.

"I believe I gave the three out you detention after school yesterday?" She glares at us.

I completely forgot about that. I was too busy with... Louis. My hand hurts. I wish I was stronger. I'm useless.

" We forgot." Zayn says bluntly. " We were busy after school."

" Oh really? Busy doing what?" The woman narrows her eyes and looks at me.

I swallow. "Um... we... we had to... to... go and... uhh... get my... my... my.. my medication..." I curse myself for my stammering.

" You're lying." The teacher doesn't believe me. She looks furious. " If you don't tell me the truth, I'll send you to the principal."

"Ohh scary. I'm fucking terrified." Zayn says sarcastically.

"Malik! Go down to the principal now!" The teacher shouts at him, her face turning red with anger.

" No. I'm not leaving Harry with you." Zayn shrugs and leans against the wall. He put his hands in his pockets, emphasizing his refusal to leave.

"Miss, please, it is the truth." I implore her to believe me. "I... I needed Zayn to get the... medication because I'm not eighteen yet..."

" Why do you insist on lying? And take off that ridiculous flower crown!"

I flinch and I feel sick. I look up at her and her blue eyes are cold and uncaring. I'm reminded of the look in Louis' eyes and I feel a surge of anger.

"It's the fucking _truth!_ " I snap. I feel Perrie put a warning hand on my arm but I don't care. " You don't know me! You're just a cold hearted bitch."

Perrie gasps, " _Harry-_ "

The teacher looks livid. " How _dare_ you! You have no right to speak to me like that!"

I look at her darkly. " You have no right to accuse me of lying. You have no fucking idea what I've been through." I roughly pull up the sleeve of my hoody.

My arm is covered in silvery scars and violent red scars, big and small. There are four huge vertical scars that leave nothing to the imagination as to the intent behind them.

" Harry." Perrie sounds devastated. Zayn moves to comfort her.

The teacher looks shocked. I feel a bitter sense of satisfaction. She doesn't have a leg to stand on if she chooses to take this to the principal.

" You-"

" Now you might understand I was feeling the fucking truth." I say quietly. My anger has vanished and I feel exhausted. I pull my sleeve back down.

" Get into the classroom." The teacher avoids my eyes and opens the door.

There's total silence as we walk in. Zayn puts a hand on my shoulder but I shake him off. I feel like shit right now.

" Sorry for the delay in commencing class." The teacher begins class so I put my head on my arms.

" I'm going to put you all in groups to work on a project." She announces. "It will involve choosing a novel or series and writing up an in depth analysis on setting, characters, style etc. I will put you in groups of three or four and you will choose the books yourself."

I look at Zayn worriedly. She's not going to put me in a group with Zayn. Then again she might, considering what happened outside.

She starts listing groups. I wait anxiously for her to call my name, feeling sick with dread.

"Zayn Malik, Perrie Edwards and... Liana Murphy." Zayn curses under his breath and glares at the teacher. If looks could kill she'd be dead.

" Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Louis Tomlinson."

I feel my blood go cold and I look at the teacher fearfully. I can't do this. I feel myself start to shake. I can't breathe.

"Ssshh Harry, it's okay, calm down. I won't let them hurt you." Zayn pulls me close. I clutch at his leather jacket.

" Okay, get into your groups!" The teacher demands.

" Hey, look, I'm really sorry, I'll try and swap if you want." A pretty girl with dyed red hair and green eyes comes over. She has a lip and nose piercing.

" It's- it's okay..." I mumble dejectedly. " She won't let you. She hates me."

" That sucks. You seem lovely. I'm Liana." She smiles at me.

"Harry." I half smile.

" Sorry to interrupt but-"

" If you hurt Harry, you will fucking die." Zayn hisses. 

I turn around to see the one of Louis' friends behind me. It's the the tall one with the close cut brown hair and brown eyes.

" Look, we're not going to touch him. Not all of us are like Peter and Dean." He frowns. "I promise we don't try anything, okay?"

Zayn looks suspicious. " Are Horan and Tomlinson in on this too?"

Liam looks hesitant, "Niall has no problem, neither does Louis."

"Zayn... I- I'll be fine..." I cough. I look up at the brunet silently.

" I'm Liam, Liam Payne." He introduces himself, smiling gently.

" Harry... Styles..." I fidget with the hem of my t shirt.

" So what kind of books do you like?" Liam asks as he leads me over to his group.

" Fantasy..." I bite my lip as we reach the other two.

" Hey there! Nice to meet you! Terribly sorry about the other day. We're not all assholes! I'm Niall." The blue eyes blonde greets me enthusiastically in a strong Irish accent.

"It's okay... I'm... Harry.." I say, feeling self conscious. I don't look at Louis at all. I can't.

"Hey..." Louis sounds unsure and wary. I risk a glance.

There's a dark bruise from where I punched him yesterday. I don't regret it. His hair is perfectly tousled. I avoid his eyes at all cost.

"Hi..." I say quietly.

"So, we should decide on a series-"

 

" Harry Potter!" Niall exclaims, interrupting Liam. " Has everyone here read them?"

I nod, a small smile on my face. I love Harry Potter. They're my favourite books.

" Okay, we should list the main characters and split them between us." Liam decides. " Or else list your two favourites and we'll decide then."

" Two favourites sounds better." Niall grins.

" Okay get a piece of paper and a pen." Liam instructs. " Here, Harry, you can have some of mine." He hands more a piece of paper and a pencil.

I write down my two favourite characters then wait for them to finish. I glance over at Zayn's group. They're laughing with Liana. I ignore the feeling in my stomach and the voice in my head.

" Done!" Niall grins. The others finish as well. " I'll go first. Ron and Dumbledore."

"Hermione and Ron." Liam laughs.

" You can have Ron." Niall offers. He smiles brightly at Liam who looks a little flustered.

" Oh, no, it's okay, I'll go with Hagrid." Liam shakes his head. " Harry, you go next."

I focus on my hands. "Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape."

"Nooo. Not Slytherin!" Niall feigns horror.

Liam looks at him amused, a fond look on his face. "Niall! Hear him out."

They look at me expectantly. I feel myself flush and my anxiety rising. "I..I guess... they're both misunderstood characters... and... Draco never really had a choice... he had a shitty family and made friends with the wrong people..." I glance at Louis who looks pale.

" That is very true." Liam murmurs. "Good reasoning. I'm converted."

I smile at him gratefully. Liam seems really nice.

" Louis?"

" Uhh.." Louis swallows. " Harry Potter and Snape..."

Niall looks at him curiously. " Lou, are you alright, you look rather pale?"

" I'm fine." Louis dismisses him.

"Who gets Snape?'' Niall questions.

" Who wants him?' Liam looks between us.

" He can have him..." Louis mumbles, " I'll take Luna Lovegood."

"Is everything okay here?" The teacher comes over to check on us.

" Yes, thank you Ms. Kelly." Liam says politely. " We've chosen to do Harry Potter."

"I think there's one other group doing that but it should be okay. You'll be doing a presentation in two weeks on it in front of the class. One speaker, the others doing any visual presentations you have. I will choose who." She looks at us coolly.

I resign myself to my fate. I don't be able to get out of this one. I avoid looking at her.

" Harry. You can do the presentation. You might learn how to speak in front of people without stammering." She walks off.

I feel humiliated. How the fuck is she a teacher. She's a horrible person.

" Harry? Are you okay?"

I blink. Liam looks at me concerned. I tilt my head confusion.

" You kind of zoned out a bit there, mate."

I lower my head. " Sorry." I whisper.

" Don't worry about it! And ignore her, she's not very nice." Niall looks outraged.

" Listen, do you want to come round to my house after school? We could do some work on the project and get to know each other a bit better." Liam suggests.

My eyes widen. Is this a trap or is he genuine? He seems genuine. But then again so did Louis...

"If you'd rather not, that's okay too." He looks a little disappointed.

I glance at Louis who looks uncomfortable. Niall looks eager though. "Uhh... okay... I'll... check with Jamie and Zayn..."

" No problem! Jamie's your boyfriend, right...?" Liam remarks.

I bite my lip, "Uhh...", boyfriends doesn't really describe our relationship, " kind of..."

" Cool." Liam suddenly curses. " Sorry that was insensitive."

I can't help laughing. " It's okay. Really." Liam is definitely genuine. He's great.

" So if you can come over that would be fantastic. I could drive you home as well."

I look at Liam in wonder. He rubs his neck, " Sorry if I come across as very pushy, I-"

" No, it's fine! I... people just aren't usually this nice to me." I mumble, " Except my friends and their friends.."

" Well, we'd like to be your friends too, you seem pretty cool." Niall grins.

I look at them in amazement. Then I remember Louis and my heart falls. "I'm... I'm... I really appreciate the sentiment... but I... I don't want to ruin your reputations..."

Louis visibly flinches but I don't look at him. I'm not letting him in again. I can't.

" Nonsense. It doesn't matter. Also, Louis the captain of the football team and I'm co captain so what we say goes." Niall laughs.

" If... if... if you're sure..." I smile hesitantly.

" Great. So, we should exchange numbers." Liam grabs his pen.

I call out my number and he copies it three times. He gets another sheet and writes two numbers on it. " Hey, Louis, what's yours?"

"I'm not sure." Louis avoids my gaze. I feel like he's slapped me. He doesn't want to give me his number.

" Here." Niall pulls his phone out and copies the number. Louis looks upset.

The bell rings. " Okay, so, if you're able, just text and I'll text you where my car is." Liam smiles. " It was great to talk to you."

" Later, Harry!" Niall grins. I smile back shyly, before leaving to rejoin Zayn and Perrie.

" You look surprisingly happy?" Zayn remarks, astonished.

"I am." I grin. " Also, I might go over to Liam's house after school."

The look on Zayn's face is priceless and I leave the classroom laughing.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so I want to thank everyone who reads this and everyone who leaves comments or kudos, it's much appreciated .X This chapter wrecked my brain I'm sorry if it's not great. Also apologies in advance for any errors, posting on my phone .x

"Louis, do you have a problem with the Styles kid?" Liam corners me during lunch. Niall is at his locker.

" What?" I try evade Liam's question. I pull out some of my books.

Suddenly, Liam roughly grabs me and turns me to face him. I yelp. " Hey, Liam! What-"

" Is it because he's gay?" Liam demands. He looks disappointed and unsure.

I push him off. " Why's it such a big deal? You wouldn't understand!"

Liam looks ashen. " So it _is_ because he's gay."

"Shut up Liam, you don't know what you're fucking talking about." I snap.

Liam recoils. " No, Louis, _you_ don't understand."

" Hey, hey, hey. What's going on?" Niall intervenes. He takes one look at Liam who is clearly upset, and frowns at me. " What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything." I say, wounded. This isn't fair.

"Liam?" Niall looks at Liam intensely. Liam lowers his eyes. "It's fine."

I shut my locker forcefully. " I'm going to class." I have P.E now with the two of them but I don't care. I'm going on my own. I walk off before they can stop me.

As I make my way through the corridor, people seem to be buzzing with something. I strain my hearing to catch what they're saying.

" Taylor checked him out. He's psycho."

" As well as being a fag he's a murderer?"

" The new kid is unstable!"

I feel my heart sink as I realize Taylor made known what she found out about Harry. It must have been fairly recent, she wasn't in class this morning. This is not going to end well.

Suddenly someone bumps into me and I stumble back. I whirl around to see Harry, white as a ghost, trembling and close to tears. He mutters a broken apology before fleeing. I don't think he even saw me.

I can see his mates further back trying to get through the corridor, but to no avail. I make a split decision and chase after Harry. I have a feeling Harry shouldn't be left on his own right now.

I find him curled up under the cherry blossom tree, trying to pry the back of his phone off. He's shaking violently. His flower crown is on the grass beside him in shreds.

" Harry...?" I approach him softly. I don't know why I'm doing this. He's not going to want me, of all people, near him.

He looks up and the anguish in his eyes is so clear. His lip is bleeding from where he's bitten it. His eyes are shimmering with tears.

" Go away." He chokes. He continues trying to open his phone. His nails are too short.

" Here, I can open it if you want-"

" No." Harry flinches as I reach for it. " You can't."

The bell has gone for class but most people use the other route to get to the P.E hall. I kneel hesitantly in front of Harry. It hurts to look at him.

" No one was supposed to find out." His voice is tiny and muffled and drowned in sorrow. My heart breaks.

" Harry." I swallow, unsure. What am I supposed to do? I can't do much, no matter how much I want to. I haven't a clue what he's going through.

" Everyone will hate me." Harry seems to have forgotten I'm here. He's mumbling to himself and shaking.

I sigh quietly. After how I treated him earlier he's hardly going to want me trying to help. I couldn't help it. I was scared. I feel like I'm to blame for what happened to him. No wonder he hates me.

" Louis." His strangled voice snaps me back to reality. He is looking at me with confusion and fear. He's scratching under the sleeve of his hoody. He doesn't seem to realise what he's doing.

"Hey! Leave him alone!"

Bower and Malik come racing towards us frantically. They look almost fearful. I go to stand but a tiny "No!" from Harry stops me in my tracks.

I look at him startled. " Harry...?"

" We... we... we need to... to talk." He avoids my eyes. The blonde pulls him into his arms and Harry clutches at his shirt before his eyes close suddenly and he goes limp.

" Harry!" I call, alarmed.

" Leave him. He's exhausted. He can't take all this bullshit." Bower frowns.

I scowl. "I don't exactly know what you're on about, I didn't do anything to him. Blame that bitch Taylor."

" Oh, trust me. She will regret this." Malik says darkly. He turns on his heels and walks away, pulling out his phone.

" Will he be okay...?" I ask Bower quietly, nodding at Harry. 

The blonde looks at me scrutinizingly. "Tomlinson, I swear to god, if you mess around with him, you're as fucked as Swift."

I scowl, " Will he be okay or not?"

" Yeah." The blonde walks away, carrying Harry as if he weighed nothing.

I make my way to the gym where everyone is playing football. Silence falls when I walk in. I try to ignore it and walk over to Liam and Niall.

" Where were you?" Liam asks quietly, once everyone resumes playing. He seems a little distant. So does Niall.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. " You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Louis, have you heard the rumours going round about the new kid?" Liam asks me directly.

I think of Harry and his distress earlier. " Yeah. It's terrible." I kick the ball violently when it comes close.

" You don't actually believe it, do you?" Niall frowns.

" Do I look like an idiot to you?" I glare at Niall.

" Well-"

" That was a rhetorical question, Li." I shove Liam, but not too hard.

" Well considering how much you hate the poor kid-"

"I don't hate him, okay?" I snap. " Let's not do this now."

"Whatever." Liam sighs and kicks the ball into the net earning him cheers from the class. He grins around but there's something forced about his smile.

" So, about the project, I'm going to get pizza and drinks on the way home, does that sound alright?" Liam turns his attention back to us.

" Sound!" Niall laughs and claps Liam on the shoulder happily. " I'm starving."

" You're always hungry." I mutter.

" I'm a growing lad, Lou! Maybe if you ate more, you'd be taller!" Niall sniggers and dodges my punch cheerfully.

"Niall, I swear to god-"

"Boys, be a little more mature if you can." Liam smirks at the two of us.

I look at Niall and we nod. A moment later Liam is on the floor being tickled to death. The rest of the class looks at us bewildered. Liam is gasping for air.

"Tomlinson! Horan! Payne! What in god's name is going on?!" Coach Keane appears.

" Sorry, sir." I grin broadly at him. Hopefully he'll let us off.

"Tomlinson, I need to speak with you about the game on Friday." The man signals to the class to get on with what they're doing before turning back to me. " Peter and David are out of action thanks to that new kid."

I hold my tongue. Coach would not appreciate me coming to Harry's defense. And I need to keep hold of my title of captain if I want the scholarship for college.

" I've checked out some of the younger players and you can evaluate them and choose yourself during your next free class. Bring Horan as well."

I nod wearily. This is going to be exhausting. The younger players often try to challenge my authority just because I'm slightly smaller than them.

"Sir, my next class is a free class." I remember. I'd rather not spend it training but if it gets me out of doing it after school I'll be happy.

" Great. So we'll sort of the team then. This new kid is not in my good books at all. If I come across him." He leaves it hanging.

I almost feel worried for Harry. If coach gets it into his head that he doesn't like someone, he can make their life hell. P.E can be a dangerous class. Maybe Harry won't be doing it. He seems rather fragile.

I shake my head. I have to stop thinking of him. I have to focus on the games. No matter what. My future rests on my success as captain. I can't forget that. I couldn't if I tried.

 

"Do you think he's okay, he looked rather shaken up in chemistry?"

I look at Liam tiredly. The session with Coach took up two classes instead of one. "I don't know."

"I tried to talk to him but Zegers was like an angry mother bear."

I snort. " What. Yeah. Those guys are like his fucking _bodyguards_."

I look over to the seats in the front where Harry is sitting with his head on the desk beside Zegers and Sheehan. Harry doesn't have his flower crown.

" Do you reckon there's any truth in what Taylor spread?" Niall questions, following my gaze.

" Well I don't know where she got it so it's hard to say but-"

" He's not the type." I cut across Liam sharply. " It doesn't add up..." I mumble to myself, remembering what my mother told me.

After class Liam makes a bee line for Harry. Zegers and Malik regard him with hostility.

" Hey, Harry, just wanted to let you know. If you're still on to come after school, my car is the black audi in the left corner of the parking lot." Liam smiles warmly at Harry.

Harry looks taken aback. His eyes are red and puffy. It's clear he's been crying. He roughly rubs at his eyes looking ashamed.

" Look. I don't need your pity." He swallows, looking at the ground. "I... I don't care about any.. any rumours..."

"Bullshit." I mutter.

I immediately feel guilty at the hurt look on his face. He looks like he's about to pass out.

" Harry, honestly, it's not pity." Liam says earnestly. " It was great talking to you earlier, I could do with someone to have an intelligent conversation with ad opposed to the nonsense of these two." Liam frowns at me.

"Hey!" Niall protests.

Harry looks unsure. "Okay... but only because of the... the project..."

Liam breaks out into a grin. " Great. See you after this class then."

Harry looks like he's going to be sick. He tugs on Sheehan's sleeve before fleeing the classroom.

" Poor lad." Niall comments. Liam nods in agreement.

 

"Your car won't fit all of us." I tell Liam as we walk towards the black Audi. It's a lovely car but it's not going to fit four lads and all our gear. 

" We'll put Harry in the front with Liam and the gear on two of the back seats and you can sit on my lap." Niall suggests smirking.

"Horan!" I growl at him.

" Or maybe you can drive and Liam will sit on my lap?" Niall grins. Liam mumbles something unintelligible, flushing slightly.

When we reach the car we put our gear bags and school bags on two of the back seats. We then wait for Harry to arrive.

I don't really expect him to come. He was always rather quiet and shy. After everything that's happened he's bound to be quieter than ever.

" If any of you hurt him or try anything, we will make you fucking regret it, understand?"

I look up from my phone to see Harry in front of us, accompanied by Bower, Malik, Zegers and Sheehan. The four of them look quite intimidating to be honest.

"Of course." Liam says calmly. " We have no intention of hurting him."

" Make sure to ring if something happens or you want to come home." The blonde looks at Harry intensely. There's worry in his eyes.

" Jamie, I'll be okay." Harry sounds anxious. His hands are shaking a little and he's biting his lip.

" And you. If you do anything to him, I'll kill you." Malik looks at me coldly. "If Harry doesn't want to talk to you, leave him. You're not a part of his life." The 'anymore' is left hanging in the air unspoken.

I glare at him. "I have no intention of forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to."

I can feel the curious gazes of my mates. We're also attracting a lot of attention from others in the parking lot. I resist the urge to punch something.

"Zayn." Harry says quietly. "We're just going to work on the project. That's all. I'll be okay."

Bower and Malik are extremely protective of Harry it appears. The three of them seem really close. And Harry seems to have told them a lot.

I freeze suddenly. That means they must know. If that got out I'd be finished. My life would be over.

" Okay, so, I can drop him home after we've finished." Liam smiles. " It might be a little late because we'll probably order a takeout on the way home."

Bower and Malik both look at Harry with concern. He shakes his head at them and mumbles, " I'll be fine.."

" Alright then, we should get going." Niall suggests. " Harry you can sit in the front, I'm in the back with whoever is willing to share a seat with me."

" I'll drive." I quickly offer. Liam looks nervous as Niall sits in.

" See you later, Haz." The others say goodbye to Harry who hugs them all tightly. 

He looks rather pale when he sits into the car. I try to avoid his eyes. I'm not comfortable sitting this close to him. I don't know what to say.

Thankfully Liam and Niall carry the conversation until we reach the pizzeria. They even manage to get Harry to laugh a couple of times.

" So, I presume you guys will have the usual?" Liam glances at me and Niall. " Of course." Niall grins. I nod.

" Harry, what do you want?" Liam asks him gently.

Harry looks suddenly ill. "Uhmmm... I'm not hungry..."

"You don't have to have it now, you can have it later. You'll be at my place for a while and none of us are great cooks." Link coaxes him.

Harry bites his lip. "I... I'll... can I just have a...a salad...?"

Liam nods, " If you want. What drink?"

" Diet coke..." Harry looks sad.

Suddenly it clicks. I remember the tiny lunch he had the last day. And now just a salad and diet coke.

I feel the blood drain from my face. He has an eating disorder. That must have been why he was in rehab. That explains what Eleanor said.

" Okay." Liam tells our order to one of the staff. He adds an extra bag of chips for Harry who looks nauseous.

I can't believe this is what's become of him. And it's my fault. I should never have left him. If I had stayed, maybe his life would have been different. Maybe he'd have been happier.

I clench my fists around the driving wheel. The rest of the drive to Liam's house, my head is full with thoughts of what could've been and what I should've done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading .X


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ninth chapter. I'm really grateful to everyone who leaves comments or kudos .X I was going through pictures on my phone and I realized, Jamie and Harry actually have similar shirts, if not the same O.o  
> http://not-the-shadowhunter-average.tumblr.com/post/71338196302/harry-styles-and-jamie-campbell-bower-have-similar  
> My tumblr is not-the-shadowhunter-average :)  
> Hope this chapter isn't too bad

" So, if we each do the characters we chose earlier then we can split setting, style, plot and review between us. Does that sound okay?"

Liam is flicking through his notes and looks up to check for agreement.

I nod quietly. I've been here for about two hours already. We somehow ended up watching the very first Harry Potter movie. I managed to avoid eating any popcorn or sweets.

" Sounds great, Liam!" Niall hugs him enthusiastically. Liam looks flustered.

" Whatever." Louis sighs dramatically with a shrug.

"What's wrong with you?" Liam raises an eyebrow.

Louis' eyes flicker to me briefly before shaking his head. " Nothing. I'm fine. Just tired. And not looking forward to the game."  
He stops suddenly and glances at me.

" Sorry..." I say quietly. It's my fault his players got suspended. I feel my wrists start to itch but I try and ignore it.

" Nonsense Harry! Those two were complete homophobic dicks anyway." Niall frowns, reading my mind. " I'm glad they got suspended, even if it means losing the game."

"I agree." Liam smiles at Niall who grins at him.

There's silence from Louis. He looks worried. "I don't like them but I fucking need them." He stands up. "I'm going out to get some air."

" Harry. Ignore him. I don't know what's up with him. He's not usually like this." Niall looks after Louis. " I'm going go talk to him and see what's wrong." He follows Louis outside.

There's a tense silence until Liam breaks it, fidgeting with his notebook.

" Harry. Can I ask you something?"

He sounds nervous and avoids my gaze. He has a death grip on the note book.

"S... sure..." I say hesitantly.

"How... how do you know if.. if you're gay...?" Liam sounds terrified.

I tilt my head, completely surprised. That's not what I'd expected. " Well... uhhm..if you prefer guys to girls-"

"I think I'm in love with my best friend." Liam whispers.

I stare at him. He can't mean Louis. Please no. Anyone but Louis. Louis would choose Liam over me in an instant if he were gay. Which he's not. Made it clear he's not. 

"I don't know what to do." Liam looks like a lost puppy. " I'm fairly sure he's straight. And Demi. His girlfriend..."

Relief briefly floods me as I realize it's not Louis. It vanishes quickly though and I shove resurfacing feelings deep down.

" And Louis. I'm afraid of his reaction." Liam says sadly. "I don't think he's homophobic but..."

" He's not strong enough to stand up for what he believes in." I say quietly. " His reputation matters too much."

" You're good." Liam stares at me. " Harry... you haven't by any chance met Louis before-"

I'm saved answering by Niall and Louis reappearing. Louis looks a little more cheerful, his blue eyes shining brightly as he laughs at something Niall said.

" Hey lads! Reckon it's pizza time? I'm starving." Niall sits down, dragging Louis with him who yelps.

"Niall, you ate most of the popcorn." Liam laughs.

" Yeah, and? Bring me pizza, Payne." Niall gives Liam orders affectionately.

" Fine. Help me though." Liam grabs Niall's hand and pulls him into the kitchen where the pizzas were left. I watch Niall carefully and I notice a faint blush on his cheeks.

I'm left in silence with Louis. I stare out the window but I can feel him studying me.

" Sorry about earlier..." Louis mumbles quietly.

I pretend not to hear him. It hurts so much to hear his voice again and to see his face. I can't deal with this right now. 

" Okay, food!" The other two arrive in with plates of the pizzas and chips.

" Here." Liam hands me a plate with my salad, he's put a slice of pizza on it and a handful of chips on it as well. " Just in case." He smiles.

I try to smile back but the smell of the grease and oil on the pizza makes me feel like throwing up. I don't know if I'll be able to eat this. I've avoided takeouts like these since I got out.

" So, how do we decide who does which aspect for the project?" Niall looks at Liam.

"I guess just say which you want? Harry, you go first." 

I look up, startled. "Uhhm... I... I don't mind..." I lower my head self consciously.

" Here, you can have setting." Liam decides for me. "Niall, plot summary, Louis, you do the review and I'll do style."

" Okay, now let's watch another movie."Niall munches on a slice of pizza.

I bite my lip and clear my throat. "Eh... uhhm... is it okay of I... I ring Jamie or Zayn... just to let them know..."

" Of course! Harry, you don't even have to ask!" Liam exclaims.

I pull out my phone and carefully put my plate on the table. I dial Jamie's number. He picks up almost instantly.

" Is everything alright?" He's quick to ask.

" Yeah, I'm okay, Jamie, really." I half smile. "I was just ringing to say we're watching another movie so I'll probably be home a bit later."

" Are you having fun?" Jamie enquires.

I make a noise of agreement. " Is Zayn there?"

" Yeah, so are Perrie, Jade, Kevin and Robert actually. It's nuts." Jamie sounds distracted. " Hey! Sheehan! I swear to-"

" Hi Harry!" There's a noise as someone falls over then Robbie comes on the line.

" Hi Robbie?" I say shyly. " What did you to to Jamie..."

" Don't worry, Haz, honey, he's under me right now-"

There's more fumbling before Jamie gets the phone back. " Sorry, he's an idiot."

I laugh as hear a muffled protest in the background.

"So everything's definitely alright? You don't feel sick? Have you eaten?"

" Yeah I'm okay. I have food. I promise." I lower my voice so the others don't hear me. They seem too busy setting up the movie

Louis however, is focussed on me. His face is expressionless and I can't read what he's thinking. He's changed a lot since we were younger. I could read him like a book.

" Okay, well if you're sure you're okay, we'll see you later. Call me if something crops up, yeah?"

"I will." I say softly. " Bye, Jamie. Love you."

"I love you too, Hazza." Jamie responds gently.

I smile before hanging up. I can feel the others looking at me curiously and I cover my face with my hands.

"Awwww. Cute!" Niall chuckles. " You really love that guy don't you?"

I nod slowly and take my hands down from my face. " Jamie is my best friend." I mumble quietly.

"You should eat the chips before they go cold." Louis mutters.

I glance down over at my plate and reluctantly pick up a chip. I nibble on it while Liam presses play on the remote to start the film.

" You don't mind watching One Missed Call?" Liam checks with me.

I shake my head. "N... no... it's fine..."

" We should pull up the couch closer to the tv." 

Niall stands up and gets Liam to help him drag the large leather sofa that's against the wall, over in front of the tv. He then fetches his and Liam's plate before sitting down and Liam sits beside him.

I swallow and glance at Louis who sits beside Liam, leaving me having to sit beside Louis. I move as far away from him as the couch allows, which isn't very far at all.

I'm highly aware of the close proximity of his leg to mine. I can tell he is too, as he edges slightly towards Liam.

From the moment the movie starts, I can't concentrate. All I can think is _Louis. Louis. Louis._ Also, my stomach is beginning to hurt and I want to throw up.

I try to distract myself by thinking of things other than Louis and food, but my mind decides to remind me of the hours Louis and I spent curled up on his bed watching movies together on his laptop.

I risk a glance at Louis but he's staring blankly ahead at the screen. His hair is shorter and more styled than it used to be. He also has stubble that makes him look so much older. But his eyes are the same beautiful blue. I look away before he can catch me looking.

I've eaten most of the salad and half of the chips. It's been far too long since I've eaten chips and I really need to be sick.

"C... can I use the bathroom...?" I ask Liam hesitantly.

" Of course! Just out that door and second on the left." Liam informs me.

I avoid their eyes as I flee to the bathroom. I don't think I'll be heard. My stomach is heaving. I don't want to do this. I'm scared. I wrap my arms around myself tightly before throwing up.

I feel the familiar sense of relief but I also feel like crying. I've let Zayn and Jamie down. I curl up and dig my nails into my wrist. I shouldn't have come here. It was stupid.

" Harry? Are you alright in there?" I hear Niall's accented voice call through the door.

I look up so suddenly I hit my head off the wall. I whimper quietly before responding. "Y...yeah..."

My voice is rough from throwing up. I try to make myself stand up but I collapse back on the floor. I can't let them know.

"Are you sure?" Niall persists.

I manage to stand up, leaning against the wall heavily. I glance in the mirror. My eyes are red and watery. I look like shit.

" Yeah... I'll...I... I'll be out in a minute..." I cough.

As soon as I hear Niall leave I start splashing water on my face. My wrists are scratched and tiny droplets of blood are forming. I'm a failure. I pull my sleeves further down so there's no chance of being found out. I run a hand through my hair to try and sort it out, but to no avail. I spit into the sink trying to rid the taste of sick from my mouth.

I quietly exit the bathroom. When I return the three are sitting on the couch watching the film. Liam has his head on Niall's shoulder and in turn, Niall has his head resting against Liam's head.

I try to resume my seat with as little disturbance as possible but naturally enough, I fail. They all turn to look at me.

"You alright, Harry? You were gone a while?" Liam says, concerned.

" Yeah... I'm... I'm okay..." I lie. I feel so guilty.

"Do you want a drink or anything?"

I would love a glass of water but I don't want to be a nuisance. 

" Really, I'm okay, anything important happen in the film whilst I was gone?"

Liam and Niall launch into an explanation of what's happened. Louis, however, is watching me silently. It's making me feel very uncomfortable.

I think back to my melt down in school earlier. He probably thinks I'm pathetic. I can't believe I let my guard down that much. It was stupid.

The movie resumes playing and I try to pay attention this time. I succeed briefly, before Louis shifts his position and accidentally his leg brushes off mine.

We both freeze and I flinch away. He avoids my gaze and goes back to starting blankly at the screen.

My concentration is completely gone. I wish I could curl up beside Louis like we used to but at the same time I'd love to shove him off the couch on to the floor.

I sit in torture until the movie is over. I'm quick to jump up off the couch to get away from Louis. Unfortunately the quick movement causes me to get dizzy and I stumble and fall on the floor.

"Shit! Harry are you alright, mate?" Liam untangles himself from Niall and peers over at me.

I smile weakly and pull myself up to a standing position. " Yeah, I think I just stood up a bit too quickly and got dizzy." I mumble.

" No wonder! You haven't eaten much!" Niall exclaims, picking up my half full plate.

"I had a big lunch." I lie, avoiding his eyes.

" Really?" Louis asks, his voice quiet but hard. "I don't recall seeing you eat anything from the moment you nearly knocked me over at the start of lunch to when you passed out near the end of lunch."

I look at Louis in shock. What is he doing? Why is he bringing that up? How much does he know? Why is he pretending to care? My shock gives way to anger. " Don't act like you fucking care, Louis. You don't give a shit."

I glare at him but I can't look him in the eyes. If I do, I'll lose.

"You don't fucking know me, Harry." Louis snaps. The moment he's said it, he goes silent and looks shocked.

I feel tears in my eyes but I refuse to cry. I'm done crying for him. I want to hate him but I know I can't.

" Those are the truest words I've ever heard you speak." I force myself to keep all emotion out of my voice.

I turn to Liam and Niall. They both look confused and worried. I swallow. " Thanks for inviting me.... I'm sorry about..." I grab my school bag. " I'll call Jamie to bring me home."

" Harry! Wait!" Liam calls. A hand lands on my shoulder.

I instinctively flinch and cower away. Liam frowns. " Harry. Please. I can drop you home."

I shake my head and my eyes flicker to Louis. He's in an argument with Niall. He looks angry.

" Harry-"

"Liam, please." I swallow. My stomach is hurting and now my heart is hurting as well. " I'm sorry I ruined-"

" Harry. You need to stop apologizing. This wasn't your fault. Louis just hasn't been in a good mood these last couple of days... he's just looking for someone to take his anger out on..." Liam says helplessly.

I bite my lip. " You should tell Niall."

Liam looks at me startled. " What-"

I shake my head. "I was watching you both. I'm pretty sure he likes you. Even if he's not gay... at least you'll know for sure."

Liam frowns. " Harry-"

" Liam, Louis is being mean!" Niall grabs Liam from behind and buries his face in Liam's neck. He tightens his arms around Liam and starts pretending to be a snake.

Liam is going pink and shyly pats Niall's head.

I pull out my phone and during Jamie while Liam is distracted. " Hey... can... can you collect me..." I give him Liam's address before hanging up.

Liam and Niall are talking enthusiastically about the film. I wait quietly until Jamie rings to say he's outside.

I thank Liam and Niall and apologize before stumbling out to the safety of Jamie's car. 

Louis is nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading .x :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone .X sorry for not posting sooner and I'm sorry if this is shit. I don't plan anything I write, like I have a vague idea but basically I just go with the flow. My English teacher hates me for it. I'll probably have another chapter up fairly soon? Hopefully. And thanks again to everyone who comments or kudos. It means a lot to me .X and as usual apologies for any errors, posting on my phone.

" Louis! Get ready for school!"

I let out a quiet sigh before rolling out of my bed. I want to sleep. I got little to none last night. 

I have a quick shower to try and wake myself up. I pull on a t shirt I got from a The Fray concert and a pair of black jeans. I fix my hair and look in the mirror.

I've changed a lot since I knew Harry. I look a lot older. He's changed as well. He looks older, but not in a good way. 

I don't want to go into school today. I don't want to have to face Liam and Niall. After Harry left, they turned on me, demanding to know why I was being a prick. I didn't tell them anything.

When I get downstairs, mum has gone to work and brought my sisters to school. I grab a breakfast bar and find my school bag before driving to school as it's clear Liam isn't coming to collect me today.

When I arrive I'm greeted by a worried looking Eleanor. She kisses me and pulls me inside an empty class room.

" Louis, what's going on? Liam and Niall won't tell me anything except that there's something upsetting you." She takes my face between her hands and looks into my eyes.

I don't answer. I can't tell her about Harry. She wouldn't understand. 

" Louis, please. Tell me what's wrong. I just want to help." Eleanor pleads.

"I don't need help." I say defensively. I gently but firmly remove her hands from my face.

" Louis. Is it to do with Harry? Since he arrived you've been acting odd. You haven't been yourself. I know it's not just the game." Eleanor persists.

I sigh, " Please Eleanor, just let it go. It isn't important right now."

" But-"

The ten minute bell rings and I use the opportunity. "I have to go to my locker." I mumble and grab my school bag. I kiss her briefly on the cheek before escaping to my locker.

" Louis." Liam greets me shortly. His expression lacks the usual warmth and friendliness.

Niall is a little friendlier but not much. He half smiles at me before glancing back at Liam.

I ignore the hurt I'm feeling and roughly open my locker and get my books. " By the way lads, there is absolutely _nothing_ upsetting me. So I'd rather you didn't upset my girlfriend with rubbish." I slam my locker shut.

" Louis-" Niall tries to say something but I walk away before he can finish.

I hate fighting with my friends but I don't need them making me feel terrible about Harry. I already feel shit enough.

" Hi, Louis! Looking forward to the game tomorrow?"

I look up to see Taylor Swift smiling brightly at me. There are a number of girls flocking around her, chattering loudly.

I look at her coldly. "No." I try to walk away but she puts a manicured hand on my arm, unfazed by my icy expression.

" It's terrible how Peter and Dean were suspended because of that new kid." She shudders as if the thought of Harry repulses her. " But I got revenge." She grins, " He shouldn't bother you again."

I feel a flash of anger. " He didn't exactly do anything. Dean and Peter were just stupid enough to pick a fight so close to the game." Taylor looks shocked. " And I'd watch out of I were you. The new kid mates aren't too happy with you at all." I brush her hand off and walk to class.

When I get to the classroom, Liam and Niall are already there. They're sitting in the back corner whispering about something. Liam looks nervous and Niall is trying to distract him.

The others in the classroom are either half asleep or gossiping loudly. It seems Harry is their new favourite topic.

I reluctantly sit in my usual seat beside Niall. I avoid looking at them and draw out the process of taking my books and stuff out of my bag.

" Louis. We need to talk to you." Niall says in an unusually serious tone of voice. He looks both determined and scared shitless.

" If it's about Harry - I don't want to hear it. Neither of you know what you're talking about." I say defensively.

" No it's not. But we do need to talk about that later." Liam mumbles.

I look between the two of them and try to figure out what's going on. Suddenly, Niall takes Liam's hand and gives him a small smile before turning back to me.

" Look, Louis. I know you're not exactly keen on gays and all, but, me and Liam are together and if you can't deal with that, I'm sorry, but our friendship is over."

I stare at him, astonished but before I can answer, the teacher walls in and starts class. My mind is reeling. Liam and Niall? I can't believe it. I suppose it makes sense now. They were always extremely close. But still.

" Well?" Liam asks, his face pale.

I look at them both. " Since when?"

" We just got together last night but I've liked Liam for a couple of years now." Niall says, looking admiringly at Liam, "I was sure he was straight.."

" Says the one with the girlfriend." Liam mumbles quietly. "I was convinced you were straight until Harry gave me hope."

" Harry?" I question sharply.

"I came out to him last night and asked him for advice about Niall." Liam avoids my eyes.

I stiffen. " You came out to Harry Styles before you came out to me. I thought we were friends." I mask the hurt in my voice with anger.

" Well we weren't sure how you would react. You have never exactly been a huge supporter of-"

" Shut the fuck up." I whisper. Images of Harry and that awful day start flooding my mind. " You have absolutely no fucking idea what you're talking about. I can't lose the respect and loyalty of the team. I need this title of captain for my scolarship." My voice raises slightly from a whisper.

" Is there are problem, Tomlinson?" Mr Grey pauses and looks down at us.

" No, sir." I say through gritted teeth.

" I'd appreciate it if the three of you _listened_ while I was teaching." He resumes the lesson.

"Louis, you'll get the scholarship with or without the titles. You're a fantastic player." Niall murmurs, in an attempt to reassure me.

I just glare at him. This day just keeps getting worse. And I have training at lunch and after school as well.

" You won't tell anyone about us, will you?" Liam asks quietly.

"Demi knows. She's willing to help us by pretending to be my girlfriend until we're ready." Niall comments. " If I didn't love Liam so much I'd be in love with her."

Liam playfully shoves him. " Hey! You're mine now! I think I've waited long enough."

I glance out the window. It's overlooking the gymnasium and the cherry blossom tree. I notice two figures under the tree. Of course. Harry Styles and Zayn Malik.

Once again, Harry seems upset and Malik is holding him. I notice Harry doesn't have a flower crown on today. He has a black bandana tied instead.

" What's the deal with you and Harry then?" Niall interrupts my thought process.

" What?" I blink.

"What's the deal with you and Harry? And don't go denying it. It's clear you two have met before. If you weren't so definitely straight, despite questionable fashion sense, I'd be sure there was something between you at some point." Liam repeats, eyeing me closely.

I fold me arms across my chest defensively. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"C'mon, Lou. Don't bullshit us. You know each other from somewhere." Niall frowns.

I glare at them. " It's none of your concern. We went to the same school a couple of years back."

" Surely there's more." Niall prompts.

I scowl. " Back off, Horan. I'm not telling you anything more."

After class I leave before them and meet Eleanor who's in my next class. She smiles hesitantly and I feel guilty about earlier. I kiss her apologetically and she smiles into the kiss. Her lips are soft and she smells of perfume. For a moment, and not for the first time, I wish it was Harry.

I take her hand and we take our seats in the classroom. I can't concentrate. My head is full of green eyes and curls. I think about last night. I feared and missed the familiarity of being that close to him.

I'm fairly certain he has an eating disorder. He's so much skinner. And it's not like he had much to lose. He was always slim. But now.

The classroom door opens and Robert Sheehan walks in. He grins cheerfully at the teacher. " Sorry, miss, a friend was sick, Zayn and Harry will be in in a minute." Sheehan drawls. His accent is quite different to Niall's.

Miss Barry sighs, resigned. " Who was sick?"

" Harry, miss." Sheehan's cheery facade momentarily slips to reveal worry.

At that moment, Malik walks in supporting Harry. He guides a weak looking Harry over to his seat beside Sheehan.

I stare at Harry. Even in a weakened state he looks so pretty. I inwardly curse myself for thinking such thoughts.

He looks like he's going to pass out and there's blood on his lip  
Apart from fading bruises, he doesn't look like he's been in a fight. His head band pushes his curls off his face.

" Has he been to the nurse?" Miss Barry questions worriedly.

" No!" Harry says vehemently. " I'm fine!"

" Miss, we can deal with him." Malik looks at her meaningfully.

"Zayn, he doesn't look well at all." Miss Barry frowns.

" I'm fucking fine." Harry snaps. He looks frustrated and upset. He stands up as if to prove himself but falls back into his chair. " _Fuck!_ "

"Miss, leave him." Sheehan urges Miss Barry while Malik checks on Harry. Miss Barry sighs and continues teaching.

" I'd feel more sorry for him if he hadn't punched you." Eleanor mumbles. " And if he wasn't making you act all weird."

I sigh. Everything has gotten so _complicated_. I wish it wasn't. 

When the bell rings I grab my school bag and try to leave as soon as possible. Unfortunately, my bag splits and my books spill over the floor. I curse loudly.

"Oh no!" Eleanor immediately starts trying to pick them up. I wave her away. " I'll meet you in the next class. Explain to the teacher for me please."

Reluctantly she leaves me to sort it out. The minute she leaves I hear laughter. I look up to see Sheehan and Malik smirking as they help Harry out of the classroom. I give them a dirty look.

" Wait." Harry turns and looks at me nervously. " We... I need to talk to you. Later... maybe at lunch...?"

I stare at him in shock. He's avoiding my eyes and is shaking slightly. I bite my lip. "I... I have training at lunch and after school..."

He just nods, lowering his head to hide his face. " I'll try not to bother you again..."

He starts to leave and I make a quick decision. " Harry! Wait a second..." he turns and looks at me, his green eyes both hopeful and fearful. "I... training finishes half an hour before lunch does... we could... we could talk then..."

He swallows, " Okay. I... s-see you then..." he leaves the classroom hurriedly.

I sort out my books before making my way to class. The teacher doesn't say anything about my lateness so I guess Eleanor told her what happened. I briefly fill Eleanor in on what just happened without giving too much detail.

The classes between then and lunch pass quickly. I avoid Niall and Liam because I'm still hurt by their opinion of me. Training is brutal and I end up with bruised ribs from Jack's rough tackle.

I shower quickly and change back into my t shirt and jeans before going to meet Harry. I'm incredibly nervous. I don't know what to expect.

When I get inside, I immediately become aware of the lively atmosphere in the corridor. I listen hard to try and find out what's going on.

" Louis! Did you hear! There's going to be a huge fight!" One of Eleanor's friends grins and grabs my hand and starts leading me in the direction of the commotion. "Dean and Peter are back and they're so pissed! It's gonna be their gang and half the football team against Zegers' group!"

I look at her in horror. " What? But-"

"I think it's mostly the new kid they're after." Katie laughs.

My blood runs cold. I can't let this happen. Not again. I break free of her grip and race ahead, shoving people out of my way. I see the large crowd gathered in the hall and I can hear the loud yelling and cheering of the crowd. I have to stop this. Both for his sake and my own. I don't have a choice.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't thank everyone enough for all the lovely comments and for leaving kudos .X I am so grateful. This chapter is still in Louis' pov, hope you all like it :) updates might not be as often because I'm starting school again on Monday so I think that speaks for itself... not looking forward to it but maybe writing will take my mind off it. Enjoy~

I push through people roughly to get to the fight. I can't see much with all the people. Quickly, they realize I'm trying to get through and start parting to let me pass.

As soon as I succeed in breaking the circle, I can see it's a horribly uneven fight. It's at least two against one in Dean and Peter's favour. Three to one in some cases. I scan them for Harry.

I see David pinning Harry to the ground, straddling his waist. Harry looks absolutely terrified. He's trying to shove David off but he's not strong enough. He hardly seems to notice the punches David lands. His eyes are glimmering with tears and he's shaking violently. He is whispering something to himself.  
I can see the others are fighting viciously to reach him but they can't as there are too many of Peter and Dean's group.

I hear some people start to cheer my name but I keep my gaze fixed on Harry. I race over as quickly as I can. He spots me and he looks even more scared, if it's possible.

I barrel into David and pin him to the ground before punching him. There's a resounding gasp from everyone watching. The others stop fighting for a moment. I take the opportunity.

"STOP!" I yell at them. I'm extremely pissed. I can hear Harry sobbing quietly and it fuels my anger. I glare at my team mates and their friends. " What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?"

I keep my voice low and calm but I'm shaking with anger. " Those of you on the football team, consider yourself side lined for tomorrow's game." There's total silence.

"You're fucking joking, right?" David looks at me, livid. His nose is bleeding profusely from my punch.

" No." I look at him furiously. "I expressly told you _not_ to go picking fights before the game or do anything to risk suspension! Clearly you are all too fucking stupid to comprehend that that means DON'T GO PICKING FIGHTS."

The guys on the football team are glaring daggers at me. Malik and Bower rush over to Harry who is trembling and curled up pitifully on the floor.

" You do realize you need us?" David sneers. " You can't win this match without us. You don't even have enough for a team."

" And since when did you become a fag lover?" Peter jeers.

I look at them both icily. " If I have to use some of the junior players I will. And, _Peter_ , grow up. I'm done with your stupid, inane, douchebag comments. I will not have pricks like you on the team. It sets a bad example for the younger kids."

There's a stunned silence into people start whispering and I hear my name being dragged through the dirt. I feel incredibly small facing down the huge group of people who are going to hate my guts.

" Jamie. I think Harry needs a doctor." I hear Zayn whisper urgently.

" What is going on here?" A teacher arrives and students scatter.

Harry's friends remain, frantically trying to get Harry to respond. He's shaking like a leaf and mumbling quietly but he doesn't seem to be aware of what's happening in reality. He has a look of pure terror on his face.

"Tomlinson?" Mr. Gordon turns on me. I sigh, " Sir-"

" We need to get Harry home." Malik sounds panicked.

" What is going on? What's wrong with him?" Mr. Gordon frowns.

"Please, sir, we have to get him home. It's urgent." The blonde pleads with Mr. Gordon who gives in, after briefly examining Harry.

"L- Louis...?" Harry's voice is tiny and hesitant. He looks up at me, confused. His lip is split and bloodied. His cheek and jaw bones are bruised and his nose his bleeding.

" Yeah...?" I look at him nervously. He coughs and spits out some blood. "Th... thank you..."

I open my mouth to reply but he interrupts, "I know you didn't do it for me... but still... thank you anyway..."

" Harry-"

" We have to go." Malik signals to the blonde to help carry Harry outside. They're fairly beaten up as well but not half as badly as Harry.

"Tomlinson, get to class." Mr. Gordon sighs before walking off.

There's no one around my locker so I quickly get my books and go to English.

" You're late." Ms. Kelly says disapprovingly. " And where are Harry Styles and Zayn Malik?"

I ignore her and go sit beside Liam and Niall. They don't greet me at all. I glare at them. " Where were the two of you after training?"

"Why? We figured you didn't want to hang out with us so we had lunch outside." Liam says, his voice hard.

I resist the urge to punch him. " I'm fairly sure I never said or implied that, Payne." I stab my rubber with my pencil. " Might brighten up your day then to hear that probably the whole school hates my guts and we're gonna lose the match tomorrow."

" How do you come to that conclusion, Lou? And don't be dramatic. Everyone loves you." Niall raises an eyebrow.

I glare at them. " Well. Perhaps because I just sidelined half the team."

" _WHAT_?" Niall explains loudly causing heads to turn and Ms. Kelly to reprimand us.

" Why the fuck would you do that?" Liam looks horrified.

I run hand through my hair. "How have you not heard this. Dean and Peter are back. Their group fought Zegers'... I stopped it and sidelined the guys on the team..." It sounds nuts when I tell them. What was I thinking? Oh yeah. I wasn't. All I thought of was Harry.

" You're joking right?" Niall says uncertainly. Liam is staring at me like I'm another species.

" No I am not." I mumble.

" _Why_... _what_ possessed you to do that?" Liam hisses.

I put my head on the desk. "I don't know. I'm captain. I had to do _something_. And I was hardly joining in."

" Who started it?" Liam questions.

I stare at him. Oh fuck. I presumed it was Dean's crowd. If not... Of course it was. I don't think Bower or Malik would risk deliberately starting a fight. They're too protective of Harry.

" Peter and Dean's group, I guess..." I mutter.

" Is that why Harry and Zayn aren't here?" Liam glances over to where Malik's girlfriend is sitting with a pretty red headed girl.

"Yeah..." I think of Harry's condition after the fight. He was really affected by it.

" He doesn't seem the fighting type." Niall remarks.

I ignore him. Of course he doesn't. He was never a violent person. He hated violence because of his father.

"Louis, do you reckon I should text Harry and see if he's okay?" Liam suggests.

" No. That would be redundant. He's not okay." I mumble. " They practically had to carry him out."

" Who? What? Jeez Louis. What exactly happened?" Niall demands.

I briefly explain what happened before putting my head back on the desk and closing my eyes. I'm exhausted and I have training after school.

 

Training is like a massacre. Coach agrees with my decision to sideline the players involved in the fight but they still play during training. As well as all the reserves and all the chosen younger players. I'm tackled merciless for the next three hours. It's a miracle I make it home alive.

 

" Louis! What on earth happened you?" Mum exclaims when I return home and bruised and covered in muck.

I sigh. " Training..."

" It wouldn't have anything with what caused you to end up with a bruised face by any chance?" Mum questions.

I shrug. " Perhaps."

" Oh Louis." She sweeps me in to a hug. " You would tell me if something was bothering you?"

I mumble a small agreement. I really love my mother and I would talk to her about anything except what's going on right now.

"The girls are in their rooms. I can bring you your dinner in your room if you want?"

I smile at her, " No, mum, it's fine, I'll pass. I had a bite to eat on the way home with Liam and Niall." A grin spreads across my face. " Actually, guess what?"

Mum looks at me curiously. "What?"

" Turns out Liam and Niall are now dating. Secretly of course. But still."

Mum looks amused. " Well, finally. I was wondering when they would get together."

I stare at her. " Excuse me?"

" Well, the way the two of them acted whenever I've seen then together... they reminded me of... you and... Harry... before you got together." Her voice quietens.

I stiffen and I feel tension throughout my body. " Okay. So I'll go start my homework." I slide out of her grip and retreat to my room.

When I get there, I lie out on my bed and pull out my phone. There are a number of missed calls and texts from Eleanor, Liam and Niall. I start deleting them. Then I come to one from an unknown number.

_Louis... it's Harry... I got your number from Liam... I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind...I can delete it after... but I really need to talk to you... Liam says your going to a party tomorrow night... Jamie and Kevin and Zayn and some others are going as well... maybe I could talk to you then? People might not notice us talking as much as they would at school... idk... I'm sorry if it's a stupid idea... - Harry_

I drop my phone in shock and it hits my face hard enough that it will probably bruise. I sit up quickly and start thinking of a reply.

I don't know if meeting him at the party is a good idea. He's going to end up the target of a lot of angry drunk guys from the team. And depending on whether we win or lose, it could be worse. 

But he's right, there will be less attention and people will end up too drunk to remember anyway. I feel a knot of anxiety in my stomach.

I don't know what it is he wants to talk about. It's been so long. And we've both changed. I'm also afraid of talking to him. Seeing him has stirred up all the feelings I had for him that I buried deep down. I don't know what I'll do if I'm speaking to him properly.

My phone starts ringing. It's Eleanor. I answer reluctantly. " Hello?"

" Louis? Why haven't you been answering me?" She sounds upset.

I feel a little guilty but now is not the time. " Look, Eleanor, I had training after school. I just got home."

" Oh, okay." She sounds disappointed. " How was it?"

" Terrible. I'm not a favorite right now." I examine a large bruise on my arm where I was 'accidentally' kicked after I was tripped.

" What happened at lunch time? I heard from Lucy and Katie that there was a huge fight and you were involved." Her voice is slightly accusing. She hates when I get in fights.

"Actually I stopped it." I keep my tone neutral. " I'm captain. I have to enforce discipline."

" But Louis, the game is tomorrow! You need them-"

" You think I don't know that?" I snap. " It's all I can think about." That and Harry. But she doesn't need to know that.

" Lucy and Katie are furious David and Shane aren't playing tomorrow."

I sigh loudly. " Yeah, well, they _are_ their boyfriends. And I'm not going back on this. I'm done being a pushover. If they don't like it, they can go find a different team to play on. One that allows their players be tyrannical bullying douches."

" This is about Harry, isn't it?" Eleanor exclaims.

" What?!" I freeze.

"I heard that you attacked David because he was fighting Harry."

try to refrain from snapping. "I wouldn't call it fighting. He had the poor kid pinned down and was using him like a punch bag. Sorry if I intervened to stop a bloody murder."

" Louis, you're being dramatic." Eleanor sighs.

" You didn't see it. Where were you anyway?" I grit my teeth.

"I had to speak to my French teacher. Lucy and Katie told me about it after."

I pinch the bridge of my nose. " I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'm shattered after training. See you."

I hang up before she can respond. I like Eleanor and I thought she was perfect. But share could never compare to Harry. As long as he's around I'll never be happy with her.

I reach under my bed and pull out an old photo album. It's full of pictures of me and Harry. I stop at one picture. It was taken on my fifteenth birthday. Harry was turning fourteen that February. He was still tallerthan me. He has me in his lap and he's looking at me with total adoration in his eyes. I have a similar expression on my face. His face is slightly bruised from a beating he took from his father but he dismissed it. He said he didn't want to taint the celebration by thinking of his parents.

I grab my phone and open a new message. _Harry, don't worry about the number. Keep it. I think it's a good idea. The party starts at half eight so I'll meet you at eight. -Louis._

I don't get a response so I shower and get ready for bed. I put my phone on the bed side take and close my eyes. Just as I'm drifting off to sleep, my phone lights up and buzzes.

_see you then. -Harry_

I smile softly, forgetting all the stress of the game and school and the while situation. I fall asleep dreaming of curls and green eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for not uploading sooner. My mum confiscated my phone and it'seasier to do this on my phone than laptop. I'm sorry of this is a terrible chapter I hate being back at school. Thank you so much to everyone who comments/kudos, I really appreciate it .X next chapter will be Louis and Harry, this was getting longer than usual so l decided to upload this part first :)

The moment I wake up I become aware of the fact that I am freezing cold. I struggle to sit up but intense pain shoots though my body. My ribs feel like they're on fire. I whimper softly, unable to keep silent.

"Harry, what's wrong?" Jamie is quick to check on me. He hovers over me carefully, looking at me warily.

"C...cold...and... s..sore.." I mumble, biting my lip to distract myself from the agony. I can't remember what happened.

"Hold on, love, I'll get Zayn to bring more blankets for you." Jamie gently touches my cheek. It hurts a little.

"Jamie... what happened? Why am I-" he interrupts me by placing a calloused finger on my lips. "Hush, little Hazza, I'll explain when Zayn brings the blankets. And some food. You haven't really been eating properly these past few days."

I go to protest but he hushes me again. I settle for pulling my duvet closer around me and ignoring the pain my body is in.

Jamie grabs his phone from the bedside table and starts typing out a text. His brow furrows and he bites his lip ring staring at the screen. He tucks a stray strand of his blonde hair behind his ear and resumes texting.

"Zayn! Check your phone!" Jamie puts the phone back on the table and yells to Zayn in the next room. I giggle as he receives a sleepy curse in response.

Shortly Zayn arrives in with a heap of blankets and a tray of food and drinks. He looks half asleep, his hair is all fluffy.

" Blankets." Zayn flings them at Jamie, who disappears under them protesting loudly. " And breakfast. Or lunch. Whichever you prefer." He puts the tray on the table and waits for Jamie to wrap me up in the blankets.

" Here you go. And these are painkilers." Zayn carefully puts a plate of mushroom and chicken salad in from of me. He holds out a couple out tablets as well.

" They're all just pain killers?" I look at them suspiciously. I hate taking tablets of any type. I've taken enough of them to last me a lifetime.

" Yeah, if you want your other med-"

" No!" I shake my head fervently. My head starts spinning. I bite my tongue.

"Eat up and then I'll answer your question." Jamie points at my plate.

I glare at the plate before proceeding to slowly and painstakingly eat it. I can't finish out though. I'm not that hungry. I look at Jamie and he nods.

" Okay, can you remember anything from yesterday?" Zayn asks, a guarded look in his eyes.

At that moment, the doorbell rings. " Don't answer it." Jamie yawns, stretching.

The doorbell is rung again. Zayn sighs and grabs one of Jamie's hoodies. " I'll get it it." He grumbles and disappears.

" What time is it?" I wonder aloud. I grab Jamie's arm and look at his watch. " You could've just waited for me to tell you." He laughs.

" Twelve o clock?" I stare at him. " What about-"

" Kevin, Perrie and Robert are here." Zayn returns grinning.

Jamie flings a pillow at him. " You entertain them. I'll sort out Harry." Zayn looks momentarily guilty before leaving.

"You okay?" Jamie looks at me cautiously.

" Everything hurts." I mumble. " What happened?"

He bites his lip. " Do you remember the fight yesterday?"

I stiffen as images of it flash before me. I look at Jamie fearfully as I remembered the huge guy that attacked me. I was so scared. He looked like one of the wardens at the detention centre. And when he sat on me like that-

"Hazza, hush, you're okay now." Jamie takes my hand and starts softly kissing my face. I hold him tightly and force myself to calm down.

"That explains why I feel like I've been hit by a bus..." I mumble.

" When we got you home... you texted... Louis Tomlinson..." Jamie watches me warily.

" _What?_ " I choke. Then I start remembering all of yesterday's events. " So I'm going to a party tonight." I whisper. What was going through my head yesterday?

" Hey guys! Please be decent, I'm coming in!" Robert bursts in cheerfully. He's followed be an exasperated looking Kevin and Perrie and Zayn.

"Harry! How are you?" Perrie rushes over. She kisses my forehead and ruffles my hair.

" Going to a party tonight." I mutter, frowning at myself.

"What? You're actually going through with it?" Zayn exclaims in horror.

Kevin looks at me curiously before his gaze goes to Jamie. Jamie gets up and hugs him as a greeting.

"I feel left out." Robbie comments.

" Hi." I offer him a smile.

"How are you? You took a right beating yesterday." He sits on the edge of the bed.

Zayn and Jamie look at him warningly but I find that I don't mind. Robert doesn't mean it in a mocking way. He's okay.

" Bit sore." I admit. " Well a lot."

"Awww. Poor baby." Perrie starts fussing over me and Zayn watches in amusement.

My phone starts ringing so I reach across to get it. I realize my arms are completely on view. Only Jamie, Zayn and Perrie have seen them. Kevin and Robert manage to conceal any horror extremely well.

"H.. hello?" I slowly lift the phone to my ear.

"Uhhh, hi... it's me... Louis Tomlinson..."

I almost drop my phone. What?  
Really?

" Hi..." I manage to respond. The others are looking at me curiously.

"I was just wondering... is... is our... meeting.... still on for later...?" He sounds hesitant." And... uh... are you alright?"

It feels so odd speaking to him on the phone like this after all this time. I cough.

" If... if it's okay with you...? And... well... I've been better... but I've also been worse." I shake my head quickly to rid myself of certain thoughts.

" Okay, I'll let Liam and Niall know... and... I'm glad..." he hangs up abruptly.

I feel really confused. Part of me wants to hate Louis for everything that happened... but... at the same time... I still have strong feelings for him.

"Haz?" Zayn questions me quietly.

I look up at him, lost. " It was Louis."

"That game is today, right?" Robert stretches and yawns. "I sure don't envy him!"

" Why...?" I ask tentatively.

" He's not quite so Mr. Popular after yesterday's stunt. Everyone's convinced we're gonna lose." He shrugs.

" He deserves it. Fucking prick." Perrie mutters.

" To be fair he _did_ stop the fight." Robert counters. " We were getting hammered."

"I was doing fine." Zayn huffs, glancing at Perrie who giggles at him.

" Well, you and Jamie have more experience." I mumble quietly.

" Are you really certain about this party later?" Jamie changes the subject and looks at me seriously.

I nod, determined. This is my opportunity. I don't really know exactly _what_ I'll talk to Louis about... but all I know is we have to talk.

" You guys will help me get ready, right?" I ask hopefully.

" You don't even need to ask, darling." A wide grin stretches across Perrie's face. " We should rope Adam into this as well."

" I'll send him a text." Robert pulls out his phone and quickly sends him a message.

 

Two hours later, after watching Love Actually, Adam arrives with Jade. They're carrying a number of bags.

" Hey guys!" Adam dumps the bags on the floor. " Harry, how are you?"

I look up at him, " Alright, thanks." I've taken more pain killers. I'm also kind of avoiding thinking about yesterday.

" So, the party is in..." Adam checks his watch, " four and a half hours, but we can make that five."

I glance at Jamie, hoping he'll remember my arrangement with Louis. He catches my eye and nods. " Actually, myself and Kevin are going to go a bit earlier because Haz is meeting someone there at eight. The rest of you can come later at nine maybe."

" Who are you meeting?" Jade asks curiously.

I bite my lip. " Louis..."

"Tomlinson?!" She looks taken aback.

" Long story..." I mumble.

" Okay, so, the three of you should get ready first." Adam decides.

" Is it really going to take three and a half hours to get ready?" Jamie raises an eyebrow at Adam.

"It'll take you half an hour to get to Horan's house. So you have two and a half." Adam responds cheerily.

I manage to stand up within falling over. " I'm going to go shower..."

" Well you be alright?" Zayn asks doubtfully. " Me or Jamie could-"

" I'll be fine." I cut him off, my cheeks heating with embarrassment. I'm perfectly capable of showering on my own. I'm not _that_ weak.

After my shower I pull on a pair of black skinny jeans and a big loose jumper before rejoining the others. They're involved in a heated discussion on music.

" Harry!' Zayn yells as soon as I walk in. I jump.

"Y.. yes?"

"Eminem or MGK?"

I raise an eyebrow. "MGK, simply because Sleeping With Sirens. I don't like rap."

" Exactly!" Jamie laughs at Zayn.

"Bring Me The Horizon or Asking Alexandria?" Zayn smirks.

Jamie glares at him. " You can't make me choose."

" Asking Alexandria." Perrie decides.

" Bring Me The Horizon." I counter.

"I agree." Robert chimes in.

" Jamie or Kevin, whichever, go take your shower and then we can start figuring out outfits." Adam orders.

" There's two showers." I say helpfully.

" Great. When you come back, the fun starts!" Adam says gleefully.

 

When Jamie and Kevin return, they both have an odd expression on their faces but they don't say anything.

" So, Kevin, you should wear this." Jade smiles brightly and hands him a black shirt and black jeans.

Kevin shakes his head, " No,I want to wear _that_ one." He points at a black striped jumper.

" Fine, try it on." Jade shoves the jumper and jeans into his arms.

Kevin starts changing and the others laugh and wolf whistle at him. He just flips them off.

Jamie changes into a Bring Me The Horizon t shirt and a red check shirt unbuttoned over it. He pulls on a pair of black skinny jeans as well.

"Wow." Robert eyes Jamie appreciatively.

"I know right." Jamie grins cockily. Kevin lightly pushes him.

" And Harry. Last but certainly not least." Jade hands me a black v neck t shirt and black skinny jeans. " You should totally wear one of your flower crowns or that head band thingy you wore yesterday."

I hide behind the couch when I change. I'm really self conscious.  
"C.. can someone pass me my hoody..?"

Jamie disappears for a minute, then comes back and leans over the couch. " Here, wear these. I promise it will be okay. You know these guys wonr judge you. If anyone says or does anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, I'll kick them out." He hands make a bunch of my bracelets and wrist bands. His voice is quiet and encouraging.

I look up at him nervously before slipping them on. They don't completely cover my scars and they definitely don't cover the vertical scars.

" Thought these would make a good addition as well." Jamie grins and gives me my cross necklace and earring.

I put them on and control my breathing so I don't freak out about this. It's only Adam and Jade who haven't seen them here anyway. But still.

Jamie takes my hand and I stand up.

"Holy shit!" Adam gasps.

I flinch and Jamie opens his mouth to shut him up but then I realize he isn't even looking at my arms.

"Jamie, excuse me for saying this, but your boyfriend is fucking hot." He is still staring at me.

"Fuck, I agree!" Jade looks stunned.

"Wow." Robert looks lost for words.

I start to feel self conscious with them all looking at me.

" Harry, love, you look _fantastic_." Perrie smiles at me genuinely.

Zayn is grinning at me broadly, his arm around Perrie's waist. " She's right, you know. If I wasn't straight and with Perrie..." He laughs as Perrie elbows him.

" Thanks guys." I beam at them all. I feel really good right now.

" So, you should probably get going." Jade checks the time on her phone.

I immediately start to feel nervous and anxious. I wrap my arms around myself and try to keep myself together.

" Alright, well, see you later then." Jamie nods at them all, a serious atmosphere descending on the room.

Zayn leaves Perrie and comes over to me, a determined look on his face. " Harry, no matter what he says, please, promise me you'll leave if he says anything or does anything that hurts you. You can't let him do that again."

I hug Zayn tightly. " It'll be okay. Really."

" Tell him, if he _does_ hurt you, I'll kill him. Taylor will get what she deserves for what she did." Zayn says fiercely.

I kiss his cheek. "I love you, Zayn." I wave to the others before following Jamie and Kevin out to the car.

" You sure you want to do this?" Kevin asks me while Jamie drives. 

I nod, "I probably won't get another chance so..." I can feel my nerves acting up already.

Jamie puts on a cd and he and Kevin start talking about some teacher but I zone out. 

Was this a bad idea? Should I really meet him like this? What if he hates me? Before I realize it I feel light headed and I can't breathe.

"Shit. Harry, you're okay. It'll be okay." Kevin starts rubbing my back gently. " Jamie, stop the car."

I curl up and clutch my legs tightly. What if I have to talk about everything that happened that I've tried so hard to forget?

I feel a pair of arms encircle me and I start to shake with fear.

" Harry, Jamie is just looking for a place to stop the car. Please calm down a little." Kevin whispers softly in my ear. " You're safe. We won't let anything happen to you. I promise."

I relax into his arms and rest my head on his chest. " Sorry..." I whisper.

"You don't need to apologise, I understand." Kevin pats my head.

" Harry?" Jamie scrambles into the back of the car and ends up falling.

I giggle as he flails around. I put all thoughts of Louis and what could happen out of my head before I start freaking out again.

" Kevin, I love you." Jamie declares once he succeeds in righting himself.

Kevin blushes darkly. " No, seriously. It's nothing."

" But you did really well. Not many could do that." Jamie pulls me into his lap and hugs me while looking at Kevin.

Kevin shakes his head. " It's nothing, I used to get panic attacks when I was younger so I guess I just know what it's like." He's blushing and avoiding Jamie's eyes.

I look between the two of them curiously. Jamie is looking at Kevin intensely and Kevin is blushing. A small smile spreads across my face as I begin to add it up.

" Since when have you two been together?" I ask, still smiling.

" What? We're not!" Kevin exclaims quickly, his eyes darting to Jamie who looks at me with wide eyes then at Kevin.

I frown confused. " Oh... but-"

" You're with Jamie aren't you?" Kevin looks confused as well.

I bite my lip. I may as well tell him. It's clear they both like each other. " Kind of.. not really..." I swallow. " When... when I met Jamie first, he... well he took on the role of my boyfriend to... to protect me from..." I dig my nails into my palms. " From.. other guys at the detention centre..." I shiver. "We just ended up staying like this... kind of out of habit..." I look at Kevin who looks astonished, " So it's okay. You should definitely date Jamie."

Kevin kisses my forehead unexpectedly. " You're a fantastic person, Harry Styles."

I flush. " Really, no."

" You kiss Harry _before_ you kiss _me_?" Jamie exclaims.

Kevin laughs. " So you do like me!" He sounds delighted.

" Both of you sit in the front and talk this over." I instruct.

They both hug me before doing what I say.

For the rest of the journey I close my eyes and try to think of what I'm going to say when we arrive.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading .x apologies for not posting sooner, busy week and I'm absolutely shattered. It's half one in the morning so please forgive any errors, I am beyond tired. I'm grateful to everyone who reads this .X the last paragraph is not supposed to bc in italics but I messed up and couldn't fix that bit ;_; sorry

" That was awesome!"

Niall cheers as we stumble in his front door like lunatics.

"Damn right it was!" I grin.

" Guys,we need to get this place ready." Liam starts tidying immediately.

" I'll sort out the drink." Niall heads for the kitchen. "Lou, sort the food."

I'm in too much of a good mood to argue. We won the match. We absolutely trashed the other team. And the guys I sidelined were there to see it.

" What time is Harry coming at?" Niall looks up from the bowl in which he's mixing all kinds of drinks.

I feel like a bucket of ice has been dumped on me. I'm not ready for this. I frantically check my phone for the time. Half an hour. Fuck.

"Niall, I'm gonna take a quick shower then get ready, okay?" I finish unpacking the piles of crisps.

"Sound." Niall shrugs, "you know where it is."

I grab my gear bag and hurry up to the shower in Niall's room. I take my shower then pull on a pair of black jeans and my Joy Division t shirt. I style my hair and wonder about shaving but then decide against it.

I wonder what Harry will be wearing. And what we're going to talk about. Will we have enough time?

The doorbell rings and I nearly have heart failure. It's not eight yet. I'm not ready. 

I almost fall down the stairs in my haste to get to the door, but Liam gets there first.

It's not Harry in the doorway. It's Eleanor. She's dressed in a short black dress and high heels. Her lips as bright red and if it were any other time I'd think she was stunning.

"Oh, hi, Eleanor." Liam sounds confused.

Eleanor spots me and I quickly try to mask the disappointment from my face.

" Louis! Congratulations on the match!" She runs forward and kisses me. "I thought I'd come early, give you a little... treat." She looks at me suggestively.

Liam looks highly uncomfortable and mumbles an excuse before returning to tidying the place. I silently curse him.

"El, I'd love to." I force a smile. " But I'm afraid I can't. I-"

The doorbell rings again and my heart almost stops. I sidestep Eleanor and pull open the door.

Once again, it's not Harry. It's Stan. He's grinning and carrying a six pack of beer. His girlfriend Jordan is with him.

" Louis! What's up! Gonna be a great party, what with your win and all!" Stan high fives me.

I smile weakly. " Yeah, it's gonna be awesome." I discreetly check the time. Eight. Harry should be here soon. I cough.

" Here, you can bring them into the kitchen. Niall is in there, he's in charge of drinks." I point Stan into the kitchen. " You girls can join him, I have something to sort out."

Eleanor looks at me reproachfully before following Stan and Jordan into the kitchen.

I check my reflection quickly in the mirror of the hall and nervously fix my hair. What am I doing?

The doorbell rings again and I jump. I slowly open the door and look out suspiciously, if it's not Harry I'll-

"Uhm, hi..."

I stop breathing as I see Harry standing on the doorstep with Bower and Zegers behind him. I hardly notice them I'm so focused on Harry. He looks unbelievable.

"H..hey." I manage to say, swallowing hard.

" Are you go by to let us in or what?" The blonde raises an eyebrow at me.

I glare at him. "What are you doing here?"

" Making sure nothing bad happens Harry." Zegers rests a hand on Harry's shoulder.

I sigh and fully open the door. " The two of you," I look at Bower and Zegers, "either stay in the sitting room, outside or join Niall in the kitchen. Just a warning, my mate and his girlfriend are there as well with my girlfriend."

The two of them glare at me before whispering something in Harry's ear. Then they head for the kitchen.

Then I'm alone with Harry. My heart is pounding so hard. I look at him and he's studying me silently.

"Uh, we can talk in Niall's room... that way we won't be interrupted..." I mumble.

He just nods then asks, " How.. how was the game...?"

I can't stop the grin that splits my face. " We annihilated the other team."

A small smile ghosts Harry's lips. " That's good." He says quietly.

I lead him up to Niall's room. I notice he's moving with a slightly pained expression. My mind goes back to the fight yesterday and how he wasn't in today.

" Are you alright?" I ask hesitantly.

He just nods again.

" You can sit on that chair if you want.." I indicate Niall's soft leather chair in the corner. He slowly sits down.

I sit on the edge of Niall's bed and think of what to say. The tension in the room is almost tangible.

" Thanks for yesterday." Harry breaks the silence. "I know you didn't do it for me or anything but... I couldn't have..." he cuts himself off abruptly.

I look at him carefully. "I think it was partially for you." I admit quietly. " When I saw that fool attacking you, I kind of snapped. Half the guys on the team are idiots."

Harry looks conflicted. " Why do you care? You didn't before."

I feel sick remembering what Harry went through after he was outed. And I did nothing to stop it.

I run a hand through my hair and sigh. "You have no idea how sorry I am." I whisper.

He looks bitter. " You have no idea what I went through. You were the only person I trusted and you knew that."

I feel guilt coursing through me. "Harry, I really am sorry. I was scared, I-"

"Louis." Harry's voice is quiet. I look at him anxiously. "I'm sure you've heard the rumour going round that that cheer leader spread." He watches me carefully.

I chew the inside of my cheek. "Yeah." I remember that day. He was in bits.

" And?" He looks at me intensely. "Do you believe it?"

I frown. "Harry, I don't know what to believe. I only found out from my mother a couple of days ago that you _didn't_ just move school. She never told me." I keep the hurt out of my voice.

"Oh, hi Harry! Louis?" Liam suddenly walks in. He seems to realize we're in the middle of something important and apologizes. "Sorry, I can leave..?"

To my surprise, Harry shrugs. "You can stay if you like."

Liam glances at me questioningly. I pause. I'm afraid Liam will hate me after this. But then again he might understand why I've been acting the way I have.

"Fine." I sigh.

Liam joins me on the bed. "What's going on?"

I glance at Harry who looks a little nervous. I look at Liam. "You know how I told you we want to the same school together...?"

Liam nods slowly.

I cough. "That wasn't the whole truth... we... we dated..."

Liam looks at me stunned. "Are you shitting me?"

I glare at him. " _Liam_."

He looks at Harry who nods silently to confirm it. Harry avoids my eyes.

"But... what about Eleanor?" Liam asks confused. "I thought..?"

" Liam, shut up." I frown at him.

"Sorry." He mumbles, still looking between me and Harry. "What happened?"

I stare at the floor, fidgeting with the hem of my t shirt. "I..  
We got caught... I..." I trail off, unable to continue.

" By who?" Liam asks carefully.

"His football mates." Harry pulls at the sleeves of his hoodie.

Liam stares at me. "He's joking, right?"

I cover my face with my hands and remain silent. I can only imagine the horrified and disgusted expression on his face.

"Liam!" Niall suddenly bursts in the door, looking hassled. " _Help me_. It's fucking chaos downstairs. What are you doing up here?"

Liam stands up and looks at me coldly before following Niall out. I feel like he just slapped me across the face.

"Are you happy now? My best friend hates me." I snap at Harry who flinches but remains quiet.

After a short silence, Harry coughs, "He doesn't hate you. He couldn't."

I look at him astonished. "How the fuck would you know?" I lash out.

He shrugs, "He's your best friend. You'd have to have done something terrible to him to make him hate you." His voice is low and sad.

" Do you hate me?" I ask, my voice quiet and unsure. I'm almost afraid of the answer.

He hesitates and fidgets with the sleeves of his hoody. My heart starts to go numb.

"I used to want to." He admits, avoiding eye contact. "I thought you hated me. I couldn't understand why... why you left me like that..." he swallows and continues, " but I understand a little more. You were always more popular and more liked than me. It would have been worse for you..."

I stare at him, " But... you used to get beaten up and-"

"I know." He looks at me, "I never said it was easy." He gives a small shiver.

I bite my lip. "H.. Harry... what _happened_...?"

He eyes me critically. " Are you asking me simply out of curiosity and because of the rumours... or do you _really_ want to know?"

I notice his hands are shaking but he manages to keep up a cool, indifferent facade. He is watching me with a guarded expression on his face.

I nod determinedly. I want to know the _truth_. I can't let him just slip away a second time and not even find out what he went through.

He takes a deep but shaky breath and throws his phone onto the bed beside me. " Jamie is on speed dial. One. If.... in case I get a panic attack or something..." he mumbles, not looking at me.

I stare at him. He never got panic attacks back when I knew him. He was always so calm, no matter what happened.

" Well... you know about all the... what went on at school..." he starts fidgeting with his sleeve again. "Things were getting worse at home. I guess everything was just building up and I had no one to talk to. No one cared. Then.... then one day, one of your mates told me to kill myself. He said everyone would be better off. Especially you. He often told me to kill myself but... when I got home... my parents were fighting... my father was threatening my mother so I...I tried to... to intervene but... they both told me to get lost because I...I wasn't wanted." Harry had his head lowered so I can't see his expression. 

My heart is breaking for him. His parents were awful. They never treated him right. They took him for granted. But then again, so did I.

"Everything just became too much... I...I couldn't take it anymore. I had no one. Even my own parents didn't want me. And Gemma had left me to go to university and never kept in contact." His voice is trembling slightly as he recounts it. "I... I came to the conclusion that I'd do everyone a favour and kill myself." His voice alters a little and he sounds a little off.

"I overdosed and slit my wrists before I passed out." I look at him in shock. He continues, not looking at me. "I woke up in hospital and I was told I would be sent away for murdering my mother. I had no idea what was going on. I was force fed food until I was well enough to be questioned by the police. I'd figured out by then that my father must have framed me. I didn't even care at that point. I didn't want to live."

I feel tears falling down my cheek. How could I have let this happen? If I hadn't abandoned him, he might have had something to live for.

"A lot of the doctors were suspicious of the bruises and injuries I had but they didn't say anything. I was transferred to the detention centre and for about two weeks I was under suicide watch, like I'd been under in the hospital. I was sharing a cell type room with Jamie...." Harry trails off and glances at me to gauge my reactions. He looks surprised to see me with tears on my face. I'm holding back my sobs so I don't interrupt him.

A strange look passes over his face and he shifts uncomfortably before resuming. "It was horrible there. A sport of some sort was compulsory. All the other guys there were huge and scary. They would make passes at me and threaten me until Jamie scared them away." He's shaking again. "I would pretend I was his which protected me from the others but..." he seems to be having difficulty speaking, " He... he couldn't protect me from the g-guards... they'd beat me and... and..." his voice had dropped to a whisper and his green eyes are wide and petrified in his ashen face.

I feel sick as I realize what he's referring to. He'd only have been fifteen or sixteen. I try not to throw up.

"T-Three months in I got called to my trial." He continues, composing himself. "There was evidence that would have absolved me of... of her..m.. murder... like.. they copped that if I was trying to kill myself after killing... her... I'd have used the gun if I had access to it... also... my father told them he'd come home to find her... dead... and me in me in my room... almost dead... I don't know why he didn't just leave me there... I guess he thought I was already dead... but his story had holes and I could have gotten out of... of the centre..." he is shaking like a leaf and scratching under his sleeve.

I have a sneaking suspicion of what could be under there but I'm afraid to find out.

"I pleaded guilty because I couldn't bear going back to live... there... and Jamie was the only thing I was living _for_. He was due to get out a month after me..." he closes his eyes. " There was a huge fight one day. Jamie got injured and was taken to the infirmary and he had to stay there for a couple of days... _they_ used it to their advantage... I tried to kill myself for a second time but I failed again... I was sent to a rehabilitation center when my sentence was finished because of my suicide attempts and my..." he looks hesitant, "eating disorder and self harm."

I feel faint. He's gone through so much... because of _me_. It's my fault.

" It was tough there... but I met Zayn there as well... he was my room mate... Jamie visited every chance he could once he got out... I only tried to kill myself once there... Zayn found me and he saved me... he helped me get through rehab...." Harry sounds exhausted. "I got out of there just over a month ago..." 

I can feel the music from the party pulsating through the house but my whole attention is focused on Harry. 

He looks so small and vulnerable, curled to on the chair, waiting for my response. He still looks beautiful though. 

"Oh, _Harry_." I want to reach out and pull him into my arms. But I don't think that would be accepted. "I am truly so sorry. I honestly had no idea." 

He murmurs quietly, " It's not yourfault, Louis." 

I cautiously approach him and sit on the bean bag beside him. He looks ashamed and afraid. 

"Harry, you're the strongest person I've ever met." I whisper, overcome with emotion. It's so much to take in. 

He shakes his head, "No I'm not. Have _you_ ever tried to kill yourself because you couldn't take life anymore or cut yourself to feel something?" He swallows hard. 

I carefully and slowly take his hand. "I haven't. But even if you have, you're still here. Your a survivor Harry. Your strong no matter what you might think." 

His eyes are shimmering with years and he's clutching his arms around himself protectively. "Thank you." He chokes, tears starting to trickle down his pale, soft cheeks. 

His face is really close to mine and I can see the tears on his eyelashes. I wipe his tears away with my thumb. He looks a little startled but leans forward as I do, and before I realize it, my lips are on his. 

I feel like I've been electrified and there's a charge through my veins. His lips are slightly bruised and split from the fight yesterday but it's still perfect. Now that I've found Harry again, I will not let him to without a fight. I'm doing hiding secrets and being afraid of who I am. I want to spend the rest of my life with Harry, kissing him and just _being_ with him. 

" Louis?" A shrill, horrified voice shrieks from the doorway. 

I turn, dread coiled in my stomach, to see Eleanor, standing in the doorway, a hurt, angry, betrayed look on her face as she looks between me and Harry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading .X comments or kudos are much appreciated .x


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for delay,I have exams and I'm stressing. Hope this isn't awful .X and thank you to everyone who leaves comments or kudos .Xx sorry for any errors

The moment his lips touch mine, my heart starts hammering in my chest and my instinct is to pull away, but I can't.

My emotions are in conflict. Why is he kissing me? He has a girlfriend. Is he just kissing me because he wants to or what? What should I expect _after?_

At that moment, a girl's voice shrieks his name. I flinch and look around as the door of Niall's room swings open to reveal Louis's girlfriend standing in the door way. She looks horrified and angry.

"Louis, why are you kissing him? Are you drunk? What the fuck is going on? Liam told me you were up here with _him_ but I couldn't believe him but then I couldn't find you anywhere and-"

I feel my chest tighten as she continues rambling on hysterically. I'm hit by a strong sense of deja vu as Louis stares at her, his face blank.

" Louis! Answer me!" Eleanor walks forward and slaps him across the face. He looks stunned.

I decide to take control of the situation before it gets worse.

"He didn't kiss me. I kissed him." I say quietly. " I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

Eleanor looks at me incredulously and raises a hand and slaps me really hard. Louis' hand darts out and grabs her wrist.

"He's lying. I kissed him first." Louis looks at her coldly. "And I'm not drunk."

Eleanor looks as shocked as I feel. Louis defending me? To his _girlfriend_?

"Why would you- you're straight- you've-"

" I'm not really, bi perhaps, but I prefer boys. Especially Harry." Louis cuts across her confused babbling.

I feel dizzy. This is a lot to take in. Louis is defending me. And saying he _likes_ me. What is going on.

" But what about us?" Eleanor is crying now. " Was that all a lie?"

I actually do feel pity for her. She clearly cares about Louis. It must be such a shock for her.

Louis looks uncomfortable. " I'm sorry, El, I really am. I honestly did like you. You're a lovely girl-"

" It's because of _him_." She sobs. " Since he's come you've been distant and shutting me out. I knew you were lying when you said it was just stress. At first I thought it was another girl but... this is so much _worse_!"

I feel guilt that their relationship is breaking up because of me. I don't think she deserves it. She was really sweet to me initially. Is Louis really choosing me over her?

"Eleanor. You don't understand." Louis mumbles. "I made a terrible mistake. I should never have left him the first time. I will never forgive myself. If I let it happen a second time..." he looks over and makes eye contract with me, his blue eyes wide, "I won't let it happen."

" So you're choosing him over me?" Eleanor chokes.

Louis looks at me. " Yes. Even if it's just so he will be my friend again."

I'm glad I'm already sitting down, otherwise I'd collapse. Am I dreaming or is this actually happening? What am I supposed to do?

"Fine. We're over." Eleanor stumbles out of the room.

" I'm going to kill Liam." Louis mutters, running a hand through his hair, stressed. " I'm going down to get a drink. Do you want anything?" He avoids my eyes.

Despite what's just happened, or maybe because of what must happened, he's avoiding me and already distancing himself from me. I ignore the hurt I feel and shrug. "I don't know. Water? I'll go down and see."

" Water? You are kidding, right?" Louis narrows his eyes at me suspiciously.

I push past him. "I don't drink empty calories."

When I get outside of the room, I'm hit by the smell of drink, smoke and weed in the air. It's so much louder out here as well. And _crowded_.

"Harry, wait up. I'm sorry."

Louis grabs my shoulder and I can't help flinching away. " I'm sorry..." he repeats.

I look at him and he looks so pretty it's not fair. I really want to kiss him but I don't think he'd appreciate that given the circumstances.

I look around to try and find one of my friends. I spot a familiar pretty blonde girl and a very familiar dark haired lad stumbling up the stairs.

I debate whether or not to go over but then I decide I should let him know the situation.

"Zayn!" I dart over.

" Ooh hi Harry!" Perrie giggles, giving me a large warm hug.

I momentarily stiffen, alarmed, before relaxing into the hug happily. "Hiya."

"Harry!" Zayn slurs slightly. " Everything alright? Why are you with this tosser...?" He frowns at Louis.

Louis looks like he's holding back a retort.

"Zayn." I poke him gently with my finger. "Remember...? We needed to talk...?"

" Why? What's up?" Zayn looks confused. He's clearly too drunk to fully understand.

"Never mind." I mumble. "I'm going to get a drink." I step around him and head downstairs.

"You alright?" Louis catches up to me.

I feel somewhat more vulnerable around him now that he knows my secrets. I glance backwards but Zayn had disappeared into one of the rooms with Perrie.

"Hey! Tommo! Congrats on the win!"

A very tall muscular blonde appears and slaps Louis on the back. Louis stumbles a little but grins at the guy.

" Thanks, Kian! Really glad we won to be honest. Showed those mutinous fuckers who's boss." Louis laughs.

The blonde, Kian, nods enthusiastically. "Yeah, man! I totally support you, homophobia is not cool!"

There's a huge smile of relief on Louis' face and my heart warms slightly. I haven't seen him smile like that in a long time.

"Is this your boyfriend?" Kian gestures at me, leaning on Louis' shoulder.

Louis looks vaguely panicked and looks at me worriedly. 

" Nope." I shake my head. " We.. we're..." I trail off. I don't know what we are.

" You'd make a cute couple." Kian ruffles Louis' hair before staggering off.

"Who's he...?" I ask Louis curiously.

Louis looks somewhat relieved. "Eh, basketball player. He's cool."

" Louis, Eleanor is really upset."

Louis stiffens visibly as a blonde girl with blue eyes and red lips wearing a very short red dress and high heels comes over.

"Taylor." He acknowledges her sharply.

I can feel people turning to look at us, to see what's going on. This isn't going to go well.

" You should really talk to her." Taylor suggests in a sugary sweet voice. "She seems a little confused. She seems to think you've dumped her for... him." She looks disdainfully at me. "But I told her she must be mistaken! Louis, you've been tricked by this fag into thinking you're something you're not." She looks at Louis with wide eyes, acting completely innocent.

Louis looks white as a ghost and I'm terrified he's going to side with her in front of everyone. I don't know what I'd do.

"Lou, I know you have better standards. He's just a lowly murderer with mental issues."

That hurts. I hear laughter and my eyes start to prickle with tears. I turn to flee but Louis grabs my wrist and looks directly at the blonde.

" Firstly. Don't _ever_ call Harry that again. Secondly. El is right, but not in the way she thinks. Harry is a friend. And thirdly. He hasn't _tricked_ me into anything." Louis looks furious.

Taylor looks shocked and other than the music blaring from the speakers, there's silence from the people watching.

"Also, I'd watch out for your boyfriend if I were you." Louis suddenly smirks. "He seems to be enjoying himself a little too much."

Taylor looks over to the couch behind her where her boyfriend, Dean, is in the middle of a heated kiss with... Nick?

There's an ear splitting shriek from Taylor and laughter reverberates through the house as she stumbles down the stairs and outside.

Dean looks up and it's obvious he's absolutely smashed. He seems to realize that it's Nick who's on his lap, not his girlfriend and a look of horror crosses his face before he shoves Nick off his lap. He looks around before staggering after Taylor, shouting her name.

Nick stands up from the floor and brushes imaginary dust o ff his jeans. He then walks over to a small group, Jamie, Robert and Kevin, with a triumphant look on his face as they had him over some money.

I glance at Louis who looks confused but a look of comprehension dawns on him. I have no idea what's going on. I look at Louis hopefully.

He grins and points at one of the bedrooms, the one Zayn and Perrie disappeared into. Zayn is peeking out with a camera. He must have videoed it.

"I think this is the revenge he spoke of." Louis laughs.

"I don't understand." I pull my hoodie closer around myself. I persuaded Jamie to let me bring it.

"I think this is Malik's revenge for her spreading the rumours about you."

I tilt my head. " _What?_ "

Louis glances around. The party had resumed in full swing. People keep accidentally stumbling into us then looking at us oddly.

"It was Taylor who found out about... your past... not the truth though... but it was her who told everyone and your friend was really pissed so I guess this is his way of getting back at her."

Louis suddenly goes quiet and somewhat pale. I look around worriedly buy it's only Liam and Niall and a pretty girl with blue hair.

There's an awkward silence as Louis avoids looking at his friends.

"Hi there! I'm Demi! It's lovely to meet you!" The blue haired girl breaks the silence and introduces herself to me brightly.

I hesitantly smile back. "H... hi... I'm Harry..."

Liam starts talking to Louis quietly whilst Demi talks to me.

"So, what do you think of the party?" She gestures around. " It's rather crazy."

I nod, " This is... kind of my first one..." I admit.

"Oh really?" Demi looks surprised. " Well you look gorgeous! Are you not like, roasted in the hoodie though?"

I smile shyly at the compliment but at the mention of the hoodie my face falls. I bite my lip and try to think of a valid excuse. My mind is completely blank.

"You're here with Jamie Campbell Bower and Kevin Zegers' group right?" She seems to sense my discomfort and changes the subject smoothly.

"Yeah... kinda." I glance over to where they're standing in the corner laughing, probably about what just happened.

"So you and Louis, huh?" Niall grins at me, turning away from Louis and Liam.

My eyes widen and I shake my head. "N-no! We... we..."

"Niall, did you listen to anything I just said to you...?" Louis sounds exasperated.

Niall shrugs, "Just checking, mate!"

"Harry, are you okay?" Kevin, Jamie and Robert arrive over looking both concerned and triumphant.

I nod slowly. I'm a little hurt that they didn't tell me about their plan but I guess they must have had their reasons.

"Nice party, Horan." Robert beams at Niall who looks delighted. "Thanks! And please, call me Niall!"

"Robert but call me Robbie!" Robert extends a hand to Niall.

" You Irish are nuts." Jamie rolls his eyes whilst putting an arm around Kevin who blushes.

"No. We're cool." Robbie high fives Niall.

"Are either of you drunk...?" Louis raises an eyebrow at the two of them. They are acting rather odd.

"Nope! Of course not! _High_ perhaps but not drunk!" Robbie laughs.

"How could I be drunk if I just had a fairly intellectual conversation with you like two minutes ago?" Niall sticks his tongue out at Louis childishly.

Liam looks at him with pure adoration in his eyes. He moves as if to hug the blonde but glances around and stops himself.

Niall however has qualms with draping himself over Liam and demanding a cuddle. "Louis is out so I think we should too."

Louis runs hand through his tousled hair and looks at me unsurely. "Harry..."

"No." Zayn appears from nowhere. " The two of you are not happening." He says fiercely.

I look at him, surprised. Zayn seems really adamant about this. Louis looks defiant and glares at him. "What's it to you?"

Zayn narrows his eyes. "I refuse to let you hurt him again."

"That won't happen." Louis growls. " I've apologized and Harry knows I mean it."

"You have no idea how much you hurt him." Zayn hisses. " You were the reason he tried to kill himself. Twice."

Louis face drains of colour and he looks at me, as if pleading for help. Before I can correct Zayn and tell him to stop being so cruel, he himself looks ashen.

"You have no idea what it was like finding him that day." Zayn doesn't take his eyes off of Louis. "I hardly knew him, this was the first week of his entry to rehab, yet I knew a lot about him because he talked in his sleep. And screamed. And then one day I arrived back to my room to find him semi conscious on the floor in a pool of his own blood." Zayn swallows. "I never want to see Harry go through that again. Understand?"

There's total silence amongst our group following Zayn's warning. I can tell looks of pity being went my way and Louis looks like he's going to be sick.

"It wasn't entirely your fault. Like I told you earlier." I say to Louis, ignoring the others.

"Zayn, are you drunk?" Jamie frowns at Zayn who shakes his head silently.

" Well, not anymore." Zayn amends. " And sober or not. Tomlinson is _not_ touching Harry."

"You should give Haz a choice..." Jamie mumbles, biting his lip.

I look over at Louis who is staring at me wordlessly. As soon as I catch his eye, he flushes and looks down at the ground.

"All in favor of Harry being with Louis, raise your hands!" Niall suddenly exclaims, throwing his arms in the air.

Liam is quick to follow suit and then Robert grins and waves his arms in the airdancing to the music. Demi smiles brightly at me and adds her arms to the air. Nick appears and sticks his arms up. "Don't know what's going on but this looks fun."

"We're voting on Tommo and Harry's future." Niall informs him. "Currently, you are agreeing that they should kiss and makeup."

Nick laughs, " Sure. I'm in agreement."

Perrie hesitantly puts her arms up after giving Zayn an apologetic look. Kevin is next to add his arms to the mix. We're getting a few strange looks from others passing by. Louis bites his lip, looking at me carefully, before raising his arms up. A small smile touches my lips.

Jamie sighs, "I guess it's inevitable..." he shrugs and shoots his hands in the air. I can feel Louis anxious gaze on me so I silently raise my hands.

We all look towards Zayn who looks defeated. He slowly raises his arms but shoots Louis a warning look. "If you hurt him again, I will murder you."

Louis just nods in acceptance and then looks at me. I feel really self conscious with all the others watching us, with huge smiles on their faces.

"Do you want to go outside for a bit?" Louis offers quietly.

"S-sure." I say gratefully.

I follow him outside. My bruises and injuries from yesterday are starting to hurt again. I haven't eaten anything since lunch today so that's not really helping matters much.

"We can talk here. It's Niall's music room." Louis leads me down the back of the garden to a small cabin-like thing.

"I'm guessing people don't intrude into his places then...?" I shuffle inside as Louis opens the door.

"God no. He usually locks them when he's throwing a party." Louis clicks on the light.

I look around in amazement. There's all different kinds of guitars around the walls as well as huge shelves full of CDs and records.

"You can sit on the couch. I'll get some drinks." Louis heads forward a small fridge.

I wander around instead, fascinated by the large music collection. I used to have a fairly big collection myself before... I shake my head to stop myself thinking. I feel kind of sick and light headed and my head hurts, but I dismiss it.

"Coke, water, juice, sprite?" Louis calls out, rummaging around in the little fridge.

"Water..." I say reluctantly.

"Harry..." Louis looks hesitant but then a determined look comes over his face. "We're having coke." He fills two glasses of the liquid before coming over and handing me one.

I frown. "Louis. I said water. I don't drink coke."

"If it was diet coke would you drink it?" He raises an eyebrow challenging me.

I remember ordering diet coke when we went to Liam's house that time after school. I sigh. "Louis... I... I can't drink this."

He looks disappointed. "Harry... I'm not going to pressure you into drinking it but I don't understand the problem."

"Calories." I mumble quietly under my breath, not intending for him to hear, but is clear that he does as his face falls.

I look away. "It doesn't matter." I feel guilty and ashamed.

He shakes his head. "Yes it does. You matter Harry. I know I may have acted like you didn't..." he swallows before continuing, "but you matter so much more than you realize. You're absolutely stunning and you don't need to lose any weight at all." Louis looks at me intensely.

I avoid his gaze and stare at the coke in my hand. I wish I could believe him but I'm not blind.

"Harry. Look. I know you don't believe me, but I will do whatever it takes for you to believe in me, and more importantly, in yourself." Louis sounds determined.

I decide to just accept what he's saying as opposed to arguing with him.

"So, how about we just watch a movie for now and we can talk more later?" He questions.

I half smile at him. I'm glad that we're on speaking terms again and possibly more. I've really missed him.

"I think he has a copy of Love Actually out you want?" He suggests shyly.

A smile spreads across my face as I realize that has remembered my favourite movie. I bite my lip, "I'd rather watch Grease if that's okay?"

He looks delighted and suddenly kisses me briefly. I follow him over to the couch and he puts in the movie. He sits back on the couch, not too far away from me but not too close either.

As the movie plays, we sing along with the songs like we used to. Somehow, we end up closer on the couch by the end of it. Louis has an arm around my shoulders and my head rests on his shoulder. I'm really tired and I feel sick again.

Louis is playing with my hair and there's silence except for the end credits. I'm afraid I'm going to throw up so I quickly stand up.

The room starts spinning and I can hear Louis calling my name frantically before I pass out.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't updated in ages. I've had exams and I've been so stressed and now I'm sick again. ;-; but anyway, thank you again to everyone reading this, it means a lot to me .X So yeah. I hope this isn't terrible. And as usual, apologies for any errors .X

As soon as Harry stands up he seems to sway on his feet before suddenly collapsing. I immediately jump up to catch him before he falls. He's as light as a feather.

"Harry!" I carefully lay him on the couch but he seems to be out cold. I look around alarmed. What do I do?

I call him again but he is most definitely unconscious. I remember him telling me about the speed dial on his phone. I hesitate before searching his pockets. I find it quickly in the pocket of his hoodie.

I stare at the phone for a moment before deciding to call Niall on my own phone. I don't trust Bower not to bite my head off. Especially if Malik comes as well. Niall can bring them but I refuse to be on my own with them.

"Niall? Niall?" I ask, panicked. "Hello?"

"Louis? What's up?" Niall answers. I can hear laughter in the background and the party still going strong.

"Niall. Help me." I plead, whilst checking Harry's temperature. "Harry is after fainting and I don't know what to do!" My voice is tinted with hysteria towards the end.

"Shit. Is anyone else there? I'll be right down. Will I tell the others?" Niall remains surprisingly calm.

" No. It was just the two of us. We're down in your music studio. You can tell his mates. I didn't do anything though." I add.

"Sound. Be there shortly." Niall hangs up.

I go back to looking at Harry. He is even skinnier than I'd realized. He suddenly shivers. He must be cold. I scan the room and see an old jumper of Niall's in the corner. I quickly get it and put it over Harry.

The door of the studio bursts open and Harry's friends race in, followed by Liam and Niall.

"What did you do to him?" Malik grabs me by the front of my t shirt and slams me up against the wall, glaring at me viciously. I'm too winded to reply.

"Hey! Leave him! He did nothing! Sure, wasn't it him who rang to tell you what had happened?" Niall yells, shoving Malik off of me. The dark haired boy just glares at me.

"Has he had anything to eat since we got here?" Bower cuts across from where he's examining Harry. His blue eyes are worried.

"No." I say, feeling somewhat guilty. "He wouldn't even have a coke."

The blonde sighs quietly. "He is probably dehydrated as well as weak from lack of food. But he'll be okay."

I let out a sigh of relief. At that moment, Harry stirs and opens his eyes. He looks disoriented and confused.

"What happened? Louis?" His gaze lands in me and he looks surprised to see me. "What's going on...?"

"Haz, love, you passed out." The blonde says, somewhat sternly. The guilt is etched on Harry's face and he lowers his head. "I.. I'm sorry Jamie. I..."

"Harry, I'm not mad at you." Bower says gently. "But you haven't eaten since lunch or had anything to drink."

Harry struggles to sit up but falls back onto the couch. His cheeks burn with embarrassment as he looks around and sees everyone watching him worriedly. He looks mortified. "I'm fine."

"Harry, mate, I'll get you something from the kitchen." Niall offers. "There's lots of pizza."

Harry looks ill at the mention of pizza. I swallow and think back to the meeting at Liam's. He disappeared for ages into the bathroom after eating the pizza.

"N... no. Thank you." Harry hastily gets out.

"Harry, you have to eat something." Bower says quietly.

Harry looks torn as he looks at him pleadingly. It's quite obvious Harry doesn't want to eat anything.

"Should we... uhmmm... we can leave if-" Liam says uncomfortably but he's cut across by Harry who looks frustrated.

"Don't bother." Harry snaps. "And you can all stop looking at me like I'm so fucking _fragile_!"

There's a stunned silence at Harry's outburst. He himself looks on the verge of tears. He's gripping the sleeves of his hoody really tightly.

"Harry-" Malik approaches him cautiously.

"Shut up." Harry curls up on the couch, avoiding looking at everyone.

"Is everything alright? What's up?" Sheehan and Zegers make their appearance.

Harry buries his head in his knees and lets out a thoroughly exhausted sigh. The two rush over and look at us questioningly.

" Harry?" Zegers asks him gently. He receives no response. Zegers eyes rest on me and they narrow. " What did you do to him, Tomlinson?"

"He didn't do anything." Harry whispers. "Please."

I feel my heart wrench and I try to think of something I can do. I have actually no idea. I'm clueless when it comes to Harry.

"I'll eat a bowl of soup. Not a heavy one. If you can find it." Harry challenges. It would've been more effective if his voice wasn't so shaky.

"I'm sure there's something of the sort around." Niall nods at Liam and they both leave in search of Harry's soup.

"Harry?" I ask tentatively. "Is there anything I can do...?" I really feel useless just standing here.

He looks at me with a forlorn look in his eyes. "You won't make me eat something I don't want to, will you?"

I sigh. I feel like this is a test. "No, Harry,I won't. But I _do_ think you should. Passing out isn't good good your health."

He looks defeated as Liam and Niall return with bowls of soup and bread. Smells like chicken noodle soup. My mouth waters. Harry on the other hand looks nauseous.

"Here." Liam gingerly places a bowl in front of Harry. "Is this okay?"

"I'm vegetarian..." Harry mumbles. "Sorry."

" _Harry._ " Malik says warningly. "Remember what we said. Not until-"

" Until I've gained fucking weight." Harry snaps at him. "Well I don't agree. I wouldn't force you to do something you don't believe in so why would you force me? Just because I was in rehab doesn't mean I can't make decisions for myself!"

"We're only trying to _help_ you." Malik frowns. "Sorry if I don't want you to fucking waste away."

"Zayn." Bower puts a heavily ringed finger on his arm. "Take it easy, dude."

"I'll find you something." I say to Harry quietly. "Is there anything you'd like in particular?"

He shrugs. "Nothing heavy."

I nod before taking off. I weave my way through the crowded house into the kitchen and search the cupboards. It's obvious Niall's parents aren't around. It's mostly junk food.

I decide to make a quick journey to the shop down the corner. Hopefully it's still open. I let myself out, avoiding a couple of people who try to stop me to chat.

Thankfully it's open. The cashier is a sweet looking young girl, she has brown hair and bright green eyes. I make a beeline for her.

"Uh. Hi." I try to smile charmingly. "Where can I find the soup section?" I realize how ridiculous I sound.

She gives me an odd look, glancing at the clock on the wall behind her, before pointing me in the right direction.

I scan through the shelves. There's a bunch of different types. I snatch a couple different flavours and head back to the till where I pay hurriedly.

" It's rather late to be buying soup, don't you think?" The girl raises an eyebrow as she scans the items.

"It's for a friend." I mumble then rush back to Niall's place.

"Louis, mate. Where were you?" I'm met with confused expressions when I arrive back.

"Getting soup?" I hold up the soup tins. "See?"

"I'm fairly sure those were _not_ in my kitchen." Niall frowns.

"I know. I ran to the shop." I mutter.

There's silence. "Thanks." Bower looks up at me from where he's sitting with Harry's head on his lap. Harry's eyes flicker open sleepily, like a cat.

" Louis...? You're back." He sits up abruptly. "I was afraid you wouldn't come back..." He's biting his lip.

Bower kisses his cheek. "Haz, love, he ran to the shop to get you soup."

Harry regards me with astonishment and I sheepishly look away. "But it's dark. You could've been mugged! Why would you-"

"You need to eat." I show him the tins. "Take your pick." How can he be worrying about me considering everything that has transpired.

He sighs and points at a mushroom soup. Bower smiles and pets his head and takes the can before standing up. 

"I'll prepare it." The blonde passes me. "Tomlinson, you can come with me."

I cough. "Uh... okay." Harry is looking between us curiously, his head tilted to the side.

"No need to fear. I'm not going to murder him." The blonde says dramatically, throwing his eyes to heaven. "We're going to make soup. It's not like I'm going to drown him in it."

"I'll hold you personally responsible then for any bodily harm that happens Tommo." Niall says cheerfully.

"Hey! I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself!" I exclaim indignantly.

"Kevin, you'll keep an eye on things here, yeah?" The blonde looks over at Zegers who nods and moves close to Harry.

"Alright then. Let's go make some soup." Bower walks out of the small studio leaving me to follow.

The party is still in full swing as we make our way up to the house. I can feel Bower trying to figure out what to say.

"Look, Bower-" I start.

"Please, call me Jamie." He runs a hand through his hair and glances at me. "It's just easier."

I shrug, "Fine. So, Jamie..." it's odd calling him by his first name after everything, "I know you and I have never exactly been on good terms..."

"It's fine. You can say it. We've been complete tossers to each other." Jamie laughs easily.

I relax a little. "That is true. But... what I'm trying to say is... I'd rather not have my life threatened every time I'm near Harry... it could get a little tiresome figure all of us as I plan on being around him as much as he'll let me." I feel rather self conscious explaining myself to Jamie Campbell Bower of all people.

He looks at me seriously. "Harry means so much to me. He's like my little brother. Therefore I will be very protective of him. I don't know exactly what he's told you but I can guarantee he hasn't gone into detail. He's gone through more than anyone should in a lifetime and he is still struggling." We reach the house and we head for the kitchen. "He's been in rehab but that doesn't mean his problems are automatically fixed."

"I understand." I say with determination. "I won't give up on him. Even if he's given up on himself."

Jamie nods and starts rooting through the cupboards for bowls. I open the microwave and stick the tin in.

"It's not going to be easy." Jamie puts a bowl on the table and a spoon. "He still goes through rough patches and he can be difficult."

He's watching me like a hawk, gauging my reaction. "If you're trying to scare me away, it's not going to work." I take the tin out of the microwave. "I'm not losing him again and I'll do anything to keep him." I pour the soup in. "If he still wants me." I add under my breath.

I'm fairly sure he still does. But I'm going to have to be so careful. Whether he likes it or not, Harry is incredibly fragile right now and I don't want to break him.

"Just... have patience with him and don't push him too much." Jamie pushes some blonde girl away from him. She's clearly hammered.

"So you and Zegers, huh?" I change the topic and I'm rewarded with a blush from Jamie.

"Shut up." He grabs the soup and shoulders me out of the way.

"Louis, honey, how's everything?" Before I can follow Jamie out some inebriated brunette clings to me.

"Uhm... fine." I pry her away but she tightens her grip. "You broke Eleanor's heart you know? She really loved you." The brunette giggles.

I feel sick and guilt flows through me as I remember her hurt expression. I push the brunette away and hurry down to the studio where I find Harry reluctantly eating the soup.

" Louis! So Jamie here didn't kill you. I was afraid he had when you didn't come back with him!" Niall laughs, taking a drink out of a beer can.

I notice the others are also in possession of cans. Except Harry. And me.

"Tommo, want a drink?" Niall gestures at his mini bar with his can.

I look at Harry who responds with a doleful look. I sigh. "No, Niall, I'm alright thanks." Harry brightens a little and resumes eating his soup.

I notice he's more tense than before we left but he's concealing it. I study him to try and figure out what's bothering him. I look around and it hits me. The drinking.

I move a little closer to him whilst the others are laughing and chatting away. I offer him a small smile which he returns.

"Hey, Harry." I say quietly. "They're different, yeah?" I tilt my head slightly towards the others. "They would never hurt you, even under the influence of alcohol."

The tension disappears from his body and I hear a muffled thanks. He also indicates for me to sit beside him which I hesitantly do. He rests his head on my shoulder.

" I've missed you, Lou." He whispers.

My heart had a minor heart attack before I can respond. " I've missed you too, Hazza."

He curls up into my side and tangles his fingers in mine. "Louis? Can we hang out more tomorrow?" He asks shyly.

I squeeze his hand gently, "Of course. You can come around to my place if you want?"

He nods, a look of apprehension flickers across his face though. "Your mom... she... she doesn't know the truth about me..." he says in a small voice.

I feel a surge of protectiveness at his vulnerability. "Harry, she always believed in you. She will have delighted to see you. So will the girls." I see the worry in his eyes abate somewhat. I kiss his cheek hesitantly. " There's nothing to worry about Harry. I'll be there and no one will say a bad word about you, they'll love you."

He yawns and stretches like a cat. " I'm really tired." He admits, glancing at the nearly finished bowl of soup. 

I can see the regret in his eyes so I quickly distract him. "You look really lovely tonight. I'm serious, I nearly died when I opened the front door."

He laughs softly and shakes his head. " The hoody was a mistake but I don't feel comfortable without it...." he trails off quietly.

" Harry, I think you're the most stunning boy I've ever met and nothing you say will dissuade me." I wink at him to try and cheer him up.

He giggles. Actually giggles.

" That was the cutest thing I've ever heard." I exclaim.

"Fucking adorable." We both become aware of the fact that everyone else is watching us.

Harry buries his head in many chest and I just suffer their laughter, good-humouredly. But I don't care as long as I have Harry.

" Louis... can... can I take off my hoody...? it's too warm..." Harry asks unsurely once the others have gone back to talking amongst themselves.

" Of course." I hurriedly release him and give him space.

Harry hesitates before slowly taking it off. He's wearing a black v neck and his tattoos are on display. As well as numerous self harm scars. It's obvious which ones are from where he tried to kill himself.

I try to conceal the horror in feeling but I don't think I succeed. I can feel tears in my eyes. Harry looks deeply hurt and grabs his hoody again.

I quickly reach out and stop him from putting it back on. I take his hand, " Harry, I'm so sorry." I swallow. "I..." I glance at his scars and my heart breaks, "I'm going to make mistakes. I'm not... Please..."

Harry's eyes soften and he nods, "I... I understand. I shouldn't have sprung it on you-"

I shake my head. " Harry, you don't need to apologize for anything. I... I'm just trying to let you know that... I'm willing to work at this. I know I'll make mistakes but I will never intentionally upset or hurt you."

Harry nods understanding, "I would... I'd like to try this too... I'll...I can be difficult... sometimes... I... I still go through..." he seems to be struggling to get the words out.

"I understand. Jamie had a right talk with me." I half laugh at the alarmed look on Harry's face. 

" He didn't threaten you or anything, did he? If he did-"

"No, he was just expressing his concerns. He's an alright guy." I smile at Harry who looks relieved.

There's a sudden knock on the door. Niall yells at them to come in. To my surprise, it's the brunette cashier from earlier. She looks around and her eyes rest on me. " You forgot you're-"

She falls silent when her eyes spot Harry. She looks shocked. There's silence in the room.

"What's going-" Harry looks up and he stiffens immediately, his face draining of colour. "What... what are _you_ doing _here_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading .X


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading this and to everyone who comments or leaves kudos .X school is starting back tomorrow so... yeah. That speaks for itself. Hope this chapter is okay and apologies for any errors.

" Are you alright?" I open my eyes as Jamie paces the room agitatedly.

I glance towards the door. My... the girl who used to be my sister... is out there sleeping on the couch. She wants to explain herself to me. I don't think she understands that I don't want to know.

"I can send her away like last night if you want?" Kevin says f rom the chair. He's watching Jamie as he paces.

"She'll just come back." I want to go back to sleep and not deal with this.

When she turned up out of the blue last night, she pleaded to talk with me. I gave in because I was tired. She tried to explain to me then but I wouldn't let her.

I don't want any reminders of my old life. I want to put it behind me. Not forget. Just... Not have to think about it.

"So she's your sister..." Kevin murmurs.

I shake my head. "As far as I'm concerned I don't have a sister." I resist early memories when we used to have fun together. Before she left.

"What do you want for your breakfast?" Jamie heads towards the door, pulling a black t shirt over his head.

I close my eyes. "I don't really care." I just don't want to go out there and face _her_.

"Omelette then." Jamie checks with Kevin who stands up from the chair he slept in and stretches, letting out a small groan of pain as his back cracks.

"You could've slept in Zayn's room, you know." Jamie kisses Kevin on the cheek playfully.

"I'd rather not. He's probably been with Perrie in there." Kevin wrinkles his nose, shuddering at the thought.

"Awww, I thought it was because you wanted to stay with us." Jamie sticks his tongue out at Kevin and moves out of his reach.

"Go make some beautiful omelettes." Kevin rolls his eyes. "And put some cheese in mine, if you have it."

"Of course we do!" Jamie lightly pushes him. " I'll have you know we live a very civilized and domesticated life. We even have a fruit bowl!"

Kevin looks at him, exasperated but clearly devoted to him. "You are impossible!"

"I am going to make you some omelettes so hush now." Jamie places his finger on Kevin's lips to shut him up then heads towards the door.

"Wait!" I start to get out of the bed but I get tangled in the sheets and fall out of it. I let out a small cry as I land on the floor, hard, bruising my already bruised ribs.

Instead of concern and sympathy, I hear the two trying to muffle their laughter. I glare at them as I struggle to my feet. I fling one of my nearby boots at them and I'm rewarded with them throwing themselves to the floor.

I pull on a pair of jeans and replace the t shirt I wore to bed with another. "I will make the omelettes. I'm better at making them anyway."

I pull on a hoody over the t shirt. There's no way I'm letting _her_ see anything. Louis took it okay last night. Initially, maybe not but... it could've been worse.

" I'll help then." Jamie decides. Kevin follows him out.

As soon as I step outside the room, I see her sitting up on the couch watching tv. She turns slightly to see us all coming out. I avoid looking at her.

"I don't recall saying you could watch tv." I say coldly as I pass her.

"Harry-" she attempts but I walk into the kitchen with the boys. Unfortunately she follows.

"Harry, please listen to me." She pleads. "You have no idea what it was like! They were always arguing and-"

"Shut up. Please." I take the eggs out of the fridge and search for the frying pan. "Don't bullshit me. I wasn't deaf. I could hear it too." I break the eggs in a bowl and start mixing them.

"Kevin, cheese, yeah?" I look over at him and force a smile. He nods slowly. " Jamie, what do you want?" I check.

"Cheese and ham." He replies, fetching the ingredients from the fridge.

"I probably shouldn't have left you... things must have escalated pretty bad if you... you killed mother..." She trails off.

I freeze. "Is that why you're here?" I notice Jamie fidgeting, he wants to do something. Kevin looks worried.

"You have no right to even be here." I say icily, turning to her. "You gave that up when you abandoned me. You're not my sister. No matter what you say. So you can show yourself out. You know where the door is."

" Please Harry!" She suddenly grips my arm. "I couldn't have stayed there! It was awful. I couldn't stand it. I was afraid it would turn violent!"

I tense and try to pull out of her grasp but I can't. "Let go of me." I continue trying to get away. I don't want her touching me.

"Let go of him." Jamie and Kevin both move to help me. They manage to pull her off.

She looks at me, hurt. "Harry. You're my little brother. I love you. Even if you... you know... killed-"

"Stop saying that." I hiss. "You have no clue what you're talking about."

"But father said-"

"What?" My blood runs cold and I feel sick. "You've been in contact with _him_?"

She nods. "He's been trying to find you for ages. He wants to tell you he forgives you for Anne's murder and-"

" _I didn't kill her_." I can feel myself shaking. I lean against the counter. He can't find out where I am. He _can't_.

"Harry, you're safe with us. We won't let anything or anyone hurt you." Kevin is quick to recognize the warning signs and rush to calm me down. I relax into his arms and take a deep breath.  
"Gemma. I want you to leave. Do not tell _him_ where I am. If you really are here out of... love as my... sister..." I swallow, "You will accept that I don't want to see him ever again."

Gemma momentarily looks stunned. "But... why... he's your father?"

"Why is it perfectly fine for you to abandon me and our parents over their arguing yet I can't and I went through a lot worse than you." I say bitterly.

The smell of burning reminds me of the eggs. I hastily pull the pan off of the stove. It's burned so I put it the bin.

"Harry. Tell me what happened." Gemma moves towards me but I step back.

"It doesn't concern you. This is my life now and you're not a part of it." I start preparing another omelette.

"Fine." Gemma sounds defeated. "I was going to offer for you to come live with our step father..."

I vaguely remember a man our mother used to bring home after she'd been out at various clubs. "So that's who you went to." I narrow my eyes. "And _now_ you want me there? Well it's too late." I turn my back to her. "Goodbye Gemma."

I hear her let out an exasperated sigh. I refuse to turn around.

"At least tell me you're managing on your own." She tries again.

"I'm not on my own." I snap, still not turning around. I just want her gone. Nothing she says will make me want to know her again. Especially as she's in touch with _him_.

" Is he your boyfriend then?" She questions.

"No. And that would be none of your business anyway so get out." I put some cheese on the omelette one the pan. "Just leave."

"Fine. I give up. I'll go. But I want you to know I'm doing this for your own good." She starts to leave but Kevin suddenly darts forward and grabs her.

"What do you mean by that?" He demands.

"I mean that I'm going to tell our father about this. He has to know. It's for his own good."

I stare at her in shock. She can't do this. No way. This can't be happening. What can I do? I've nothing I can blackmail her with. Unless... I slide the pan of the stove so it doesn't burn again, at the same time, slowly pulling my phone out of my pocket. I then walk over to her. I have no other option.

"If you tell him about me, I'll tell him that it was you who told... mother... to find another man and to leave him. And if he knows about that... you'll lose the inheritance." I say calmly.

Gemma's eyes narrow. "You have no proof of that. He wouldn't believe you. It's been years. And how do you know that anyway?"

I frown, "Know what?"

She scowls, "That I told mother to ditch him for another guy."

I hide a triumphant smile. "I was there, even if you all pretended I want most of the time." I check my phone to see that it's recorded. "And, you'll leave me alone because if he _does_ come near me, I'll just let him hear this."

Her face whitens with fury. "Fuck you." She storms out the door.

I let out a sigh then lean heavily against the sink. Jamie and Kevin rush over but I shake my head. "I'm fine." I mumble.

"Harry. You're sister is horrible." Jamie sounds sad. "What was up with her? What " inheritance" is she on about?"

I take a deep breath. "Our... father..." I really hate referring to him as that, "was fairly well off... he had a lake house and a business... he lost the business when he started drinking... but the lake house was still his... he was going to leave it to one of us. A.k.a Gemma." I finish making the omelettes. "She always wanted it and he always favored her."

"Wow..." Jamie mumbles. "I thought your family was bad before... but now..."

I shrug. " They're a mess." I can sense Kevin has a question that he wants to ask but is afraid to. I can guess what it is. "I didn't kill her." I say quietly. I avoid thinking about that day so I don't have a panic attack and make him feel guilty.

He goes crimson and starts to protest but I half smile at him. "It's okay. You're probably confused about everything." I shake my curls out of my face. "You can ask Jamie. He knows everything."

My phone suddenly rings and I jump. I answer it cautiously whilst I place my omelette on the table. " Hello...?"

"Hey... it's Louis."

I drop the plate and the omelette goes all over the floor. "FUCK!" I yell.

Jamie and Kevin look on the verge of laughter but hurry to clean it up.

"Bad timing...? I can ring back later... or..." Louis sounds guilty.

"N.. no.. it's not your fault." I eye the omelette as they put it in the bin. "Bad morning." I sigh.

"Oh yeah, how was Gemma...?"

I pinch my wrist with my other hand. "I would rather not talk about her..." I mumble.

"Of course." He doesn't push it but I can tell he's curious about what happened. "I was just calling to see how things were and... if you want.. invite you found to my house later... if you want... no pressure.." He says hurriedly.

I hesitate. I haven't seen his family in few years. And his mother was at times like my second... or only... mother. But I've changed so much. What if she doesn't like me. Or doesn't believe me?

"I can get the others to have a girls night out or something if that would be better?" Louis suggests.

I shake my head then remember he can't see me. "Umm.. no it's okay... I'll be meeting them at some point anyway... may as well get it over with..."

"Harry, it will be okay." Louis voice is supportive and gentle. I feel my heart warm.

"W... what time?" I ask, biting my lip.

"I can pick you up at... six, maybe? If that's okay?"

"S.. sure." I give him the address before hanging up.

I feel like going back to bed I'm so exhausted from everything. "I. I'm going to Louis' house later... he'll collect me at six..." I glance at Jamie and Kevin who are eating their omelettes.

" Are you sure?" Jamie watches me carefully.

I nod. " Yeah... I'm going to have to meet them sometime..."

"So you want to get serious with him?" Kevin asks lightly, but I can see concern on his face.

My eyes widen. "Umm.. I don't... maybe...? I don't know...?" I don't think of be ready for that. But everything went so well at Niall's...

"Well, whatever makes you happy." Kevin smiles.

"Awwwww." Jamie kisses him on the cheek enthusiastically. "Worried about our baby Haz, are we?"

"Shut up!" Kevin laughs. "You're one to talk!" He kisses him back.

I exhale loudly. "Right. I'm going to practise playing guitar. I'll be in my room. Try to keep the noise down. And not in the kitchen."

They both go dark red at that and start mumbling incoherently. "I was joking." I stare at them. "Jesus!"

I abandon the kitchen and go to my room to play some guitar to clear my mind of all that's been going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading .X


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry it's been so long. I've just been really busy with school stuff and distracted by books and it's altogether a disaster. I hope this chapter is okay .X and thank you to everyone who comments or leaves kudos it makes me very happy .X as usual, apologies for any errors

"So, what's that you were saying, Lou?"

I hesitate on the door way of the kitchen, watching as my mother cleans up the dishes after lunch.

"Do you need a hand?" I shuffle over and start to help her load the dishwasher. I'm just after coming off the phone after inviting Harry over for dinner. I'm so nervous.

"Thanks, love," Mum looks at me with an eyebrow raised, "Not that I don't appreciate the help... but what have you done or what do you want?"

I look at her and feign innocence. "What do you mean?"

"Louis, last time you offered to help with chores was when you wanted to go to a club with your mates." She pursues her lips.

I half laugh. That was an utter disaster. I ended up incredibly drunk and I was _grounded_ when I ended up home somehow at three in the morning.

"Well? What is it?" She puts a hand on her hip.

My stomach feels sick from nerves. I have no idea how she will take this. "Uhm... I invited a... friend over for dinner tonight... to meet you guys..."

Mum shrugs, "Sure, Eleanor's always welcome here."

I bite my lip and run a hand through my hair. "It's not her. We broke up..."

" Oh darling, I'm so sorry. What happened?" She goes to encompass me in a hug but I gently yet firmly hold her off.

"We... she's not... wasn't working out.." I resist the urge to run my hand through my hair again. I feel like I'm coming out to her for the first time again.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Mum looks at me curiously. She knows something's up. "So, who is it? Anyone .. special...?"

I swallow hard. "Uhm..." I cough, "Harry Styles..." I mumble quietly.

"Who? I didn't hear you, love." Mum says softly.

I feel like a deer in headlights. "Harry Styles." I say a little louder and more clearly. I keep my eyes on the floor, afraid of her reaction.

"H- Harry Styles? Anne's son?" Mum sounds incredulous. I glance up to see an expression of disbelief and apprehension on her face.

"Y... yeah." I hesitantly met her eyes.

"When... what... how...?" Her eyes are wide.

"Uhm... he was the new guy...?" I bite my lip. "Please... he's..."

"The one who punched you?"

I frown. "Yes."

"Oh okay. So what time is he coming?" She asks lightly.

I stare at her. "So now that you know he punched me you're okay with this?" I cross my arms.

She pulls me into a hug. "I'm just glad to hear he's okay and that there's a chance the two of you could patch things up. What should I make? I could order some of those lovely pizzas we sometimes get from the pizzeria down the road?"

I hesitate, "Eh... Harry... he... can't eat pizza I don't think. Maybe something lighter... I'll check. And he's still vegetarian."

She looks like she wants to say something but decides not to. "So, how is he finding school?"

I sigh, "Well... he has his mates... and hopefully me..."

"Do you want me to take the girls out or..." she changes the subject.

I shake my head, "No, he wants to meet you guys as soon as possible... he sounded nervous earlier so..." 

"I'll try to make him feel as comfortable as I can." Mum smiles, "Is there anything I shouldn't mention, besides the obvious?"

I bite my lip, "He probably won't eat a lot but don't point it out or anything... and just don't comment on his appearance..."

Mum looks worried. I shake my head, "He's changed. He's taller, really skinny, he's got a couple tattoos, he... might be wearing something in his hair... I'm not sure." I think back to how gorgeous he looked at the party and force myself to think of other thoughts. 

"Alright, so what time is he coming?"

"I'm going to pick him up around six." I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist enthusiastically.

"Louis!"

I look to see Daisy and Phoebe beaming up at me. I smile down at them and kiss then on their forehead. "Hi girls, what's up?"

They immediately start chattering on about some game they want to play. I nod at my mother before leaving to play with the twins.

 

At around five, I untangle myself from my sisters and nervously check my phone. Liam has texted me something about going out tomorrow but I don't feel like replying right now.

"Mum, would it be alright if I made noodles and vegetables or something?" I walk into my mother who's sitting on the couch with my other two sisters.

"Of course, whatever you think." Mum glances over at me. "I'll make it if you want. You're not exactly the best cook."

I make a face at her. "Fine. I'll get Harry to make it when he comes." I realize Charlotte and Felicite are looking at me curiously and I freeze as Charlotte's eyes narrow.

"Who's Harry?" Felicite tilts her head endearingly, her blue eyes wide and curious. Even though she's thirteen she looks younger.

" _Harry?_ " Charlotte glances between me and Mum suspiciously, taking in my tensed posture. "Harry who?"

Charlotte never really forgave me for what happened with Harry. She was twelve when Harry stopped coming over and she was heartbroken because she thought of Harry like a brother. She didn't understand what happened except that it was my fault. She wouldn't talk to me for ages after Harry disappeared.

"Uh..." I slowly edge backwards. "A... friend... from school..."

Charlotte glares at me. "I don't think you should be friends with anyone named Harry."

Mum tries to placate her by offering her a cupcake from the tray on the coffee table but Charlotte dismisses her.

"What's he like?" Felicite questions, confused about the tension in the room.

I smile at her,ignoring Charlotte who is glaring at me. "He is really nice, Fizzy, you'll like him a lot. Just, be careful with him alright?" She was 10 when it happened but considering how often he was over and his close we were, she will probably remember him.

"Why?" Felicite asks, looking baffled. 

I run a hand through my hair, "He... he's new and he's very shy."

"What's his surname?" Charlotte asks flippantly, picking a cupcake off the tray.

I swallow and glance at mum feeling Charlotte's eyes piercing me. Mum just shrugs, leaving me to deal with it on my own.

"His name is.. uh.. Harry Styles..." I mumble. There's a deathly silence on the room and I nervously look up.

Felicite is scrunching up her face like she's trying to remember something whilst Charlotte has a stunned look on her face.

" _Not_ funny Louis. She snaps, throwing a cushion at me angrily.

"Isn't he the boy you used to be best friends with...?" Felicite frowns.

I nod. "He has changed a bit so, don't make comments because he's rather fragile."

"Having someone you trust ditch you for popularity can do that to you." Charlotte remarks.

I feel my guilt bubbling to the surface again. "Shut up Lottie."

"What does she mean?" Felicite frowns at me.

I exhale, "Look, it doesn't matter right now."

" Since when have you been friends again?" Charlotte demands, sounding slightly hurt.

I grit my teeth, "He's been in my school for about a week or so. And I don't think we're exactly friends yet." I think back to last night. It's still really complicated.

"Good." Charlotte says defiantly. "I don't think he should forgive you."

That really hurts. I know it must have been awful for him telling me what happened as a result of what I did and I'm certain he hasn't really forgiven me, no matter what he might say. And he'll certainly never forget.

"Fuck off Lottie." I turn and walk out of the sitting room, trying to ignore the prickling in my eyes.

As I exit the room, the twins rush in, playing some game. They stop when they see me though. 

"Louis?" Daisy sounds worried, "What's wrong? Why are you sad? Are you crying?"

"What did you do to Lou?" Phoebe demands from Charlotte and Felicite.

I force a smile, "I'm fine." I pet each of their heads. "Don't worry your little heads about me! I'm great. Perfect. Never been better!"

"Louis-" I hear Charlotte call my name but I ignore her, bending down to the twins, "Tell mum I'm gone to collect my friend." They nod enthusiastically.

I quickly leave the room and once I'm in my car I rest my head momentarily against the steering wheel. I'm starting to get worried about how this is going to turn out. I check my phone for the time. 5.45. I start the engine and stick a cd in the player before starting for Harry's.

My nerves are on edge when I ring the buzzer of the apartment. The door swings open and I'm face to face with Bower. He smiles brightly and I'm taken aback.

"Um.. is Harry-"

"Wardrobe malfunction." He laughs, "Come in, come in." He ushers me inside the small but surprisingly spacious apartment.

"Who is- oh it's you." Zegers looks up from where he's sprawled on the couch, scrolling through his phone. "Hey."

I blink. Seems last night changed more than between just Harry and I. I offer a small greeting, feeling somewhat uncomfortable and out of place.

"Zayn! Tell Harry to come out now!" The blonde yells in the direction of some room.

The door opens and a hesitant Harry emerges. I try not to let my jaw drop. He looks stunning. His curls look fluffy under a flower crown of white flowers I don't know the name of, and bluebells. His green eyes are brighter than I've seen them in a long time. He's wearing a red and black check shirt over a white t shirt and black skinny jeans. He's fumbling with the cuffs of the shirt, it's quite big on him, but he looks cute.

"H...hi." He looks at me shyly, before turning his gaze to the ground. "I...I wasn't sure what to wear and-"

"Harry you look stunning." I manage to say. I hear the other three snicker but I ignore them.

"So, what's the plan?" Bower sits down on the couch almost on top of Zegers who laughs and kisses him.

"I can drop you home whenever you want me to." I look at Harry carefully. I want him to know there's no pressure on him. It's hard to look him in the eyes after what Charlotte said. I'm afraid of what I might see.

"Okay." Harry nods. He disappears into one of the rooms then comes back with a small pot of roses. He bites his lip. "I hope your mum likes roses... if not I could get something else?"

I shake my head, "Harry, she'll love them. She's really looking forward to seeing you. So are the girls."

His face pales a little and he resumes chewing his lip. I'm not sure what I can say or do to further reassure him. I glance over at the two on the couch who are watching Harry carefully. Malik is standing against the back of the couch frowning slightly.

"So.. I'll... I'll see you guys later..." Harry mumbles, shuffling towards the door. I give a glance at the others before hurrying after him.

Once outside, we walk in silence to my car. I decide against opening the car door for him as I'm not sure how he'd react. He said in quietly and I sit in the driver's seat.

"Will your sisters remember me?" Harry asks quietly, his voice anxious.

I hesitate, "Fizzy and Lottie do, the twins will probably remember you when they see you." I tell him truthfully.

He just nods, looking out the window with a worried look on his face. I run a hand through my hair, "Harry, I can ask mum to bring the girls out if you would prefer?"

He shakes his head. "No... it's.. it's okay... I'm... I'd like to see them again..." he sounds a little sad. I wonder if it has anything to do with his own sister.

"I'm sorry about earlier." He suddenly looks at me. "I..I wasn't cursing at you.. I just..." he frowns slightly, "I just got a surprise... and I dropped the omelettes I made and I'd already had to throw one in the bin because I burned it and-"

"You weren't having a great morning?" I offer lightly.

He half smiles ruefully, "I guess you could say that."

We pull up outside my house and Harry falls silent, apprehension and anxiety evident on his face. I cautiously put a hand on his arm. He flinches but then he relaxes somewhat and smiles nervously at me.

As I get out of the car, an idea occurs to me. I look over at Harry who is fumbling with the flower pot of roses and mumbling something to himself. "Harry, if... if the girls or my mother, or even me, do something that makes you uncomfortable, let me know okay? You could... I don't know... we could have a code word, maybe?"

Harry hesitates before agreeing. " What's the word?"

I shrug, "I don't know. You can pick?"

He looks indecisive. "Ummm... I don't know... you choose.."

I think of the first word that comes to mind that could work. "How about... puppy?"

The look of astonishment on his face is priceless. "Are you serious? What it we end up having a discussion on puppies? I _like_ puppies!"

I hide a grin. "Alright then, _you_ pick it."

He assumes an air of importance. "Marshmallow." 

I raise an eyebrow. " Really? Okay then. Marshmallow it is." I try not to laugh. " Why marshmallow? What did a marshmallow ever do to you?"

"Marshmallows are disgusting. I've decided I'm allergic to them." Harry shrugs.

I just shake my head in amusement before opening the front door. As soon as I do, I'm nearly bowled by the twins. I grab the frame of the door, laughing. "Girls, back off and calm down a little."

Harry looks startled but there's a look of longing in his green eyes.

"I've seen you before." Daisy looks at Harry. She looks at me. " Why is he wearing flowers on his head? I thought only girls did that?"

I shake my head. "No, Daisy. That's not nice. Harry is wearing them because he's a nicer person than you."

Phoebe suddenly claps her hands. "You're _Harry_!" She runs forward and hugs Harry tightly. He immediately freezes and looks like a deer in the headlights, before cautiously hugging her back. Daisy decides to join in after apologizing to Harry for her rude comment.

"Hi Harry." Felicite and Charlotte appear shyly.

Harry swallows, fear momentarily returning to his eyes as he spots them.

Charlotte, however, runs and hugs him tightly like the twins. She seems to be crying and Harry looks torn between happiness and confusion. " I've missed you, Harry. I don't know what happened with you and Louis but I've really really missed you." She sobs.

Felicite looks like she feels left out so I motion for her to join in. She is more shy but hugs him all the same. "Welcome back Harry."

Harry's eyes are shimmering with emotion and he swallows hard. "I... it's... it's really great to... to see you all again... I... I've missed you all too."

He looks a little overwhelmed and I'm feeling a little emotional as well seeing this reunion, so I decide to step in. "Okay girls. Give him a little space, you're going to end up suffocating him or drowning him in all your tears."

"I'm going to kill you, Louis." Charlotte mumbles under her breath.

"Please don't." Harry says anxiously. He looks alarmed.

"How about you all go set up the living room." I suggest. I can see mum lingering in the door frame of the kitchen, waiting to come out to Harry.

The girls reluctantly untangle themselves from Harry and head into the sitting room. As soon as they go Harry looks at me, his eyes wide and glistening. "Louis...."

I want to reach out and hug him myself, he looks so confused. "I told you they would be delighted to see you." I manage to say, my voice sounding a little strangled.

"Hello, Harry. It's lovely to see you again." Mum makes her appearance and pulls him into a hug. "You look lovely, love."

Harry looks startled but then his eyes fill with tears and he looks like he's trying not to cry. "Mrs. Tomlinson." He picks up the pot of flowers and hands it to her.

"Harry, love, call me Jay. And thank you for the beautiful flowers." Mum pets his head as she hugs him. I can see tears in her eyes as well when she makes eye contact with me.

"Come in to the kitchen so we can have a proper chat without the girls." Mum pets his head again before ushering him into the kitchen. I follow behind quickly.

"Would you like anything to eat or would you rather wait for dinner?" Mum heads for the fridge.

"I.. I'd rather wait for dinner... if... if that's okay?" Harry is hovering nervously, subconsciously rubbing at his arms.

" That's no problem at all, darling. Louis? Do you want anything?"

I pull out a couple of stools and motion for Harry to sit down. "No, I'm okay thanks."

"So, how do you like your new school?" Mum busies herself with watering the flowers and putting them in a vase.

I look towards Harry who is fidgeting and staring into his hands. "Ummm...well... it's... okay..."

"I must say those flowers are very nice." Mum gently touches his flower crown, peering at it curiously. 

Harry blushes."Th... thank you... my... my friend works at a flower shop so... so he.. he helps me..." 

"Oh? That's nice. Is he in your year?"

Harry shakes his head. "He's a year above me."

I make the connection. I stare at him incredulously. "Bower works in a florist?"

Harry nods, "Yeah. Jamie works there with Perrie and Zayn works at a music shop. Jamie sometimes works at the music shop as well..."

"Sounds like you have some very sensible friends." Mum remarks, raising an eyebrow at me. "Some people around here are too lazy to think about getting a job."

I give an indignant look. " _Excuse me_? I think I'm a little too busy with football."

"Football." She sighs dramatically. "You don't play any sports, do you Harry?"

He shakes his head, "No... I... I did a little bit of weights and running when I was..." he trails off uncomfortably, " but I'm not really supposed to do anything right now..."

I can see his embarrassment on his face so I give him a quick smile before changing the subject. "I think me and Harry might go up to my room for a bit." I suggest.

"Sure. I'll call when dinner is ready. I think it'll be easier to order in. Harry, does vegetarian Caesar salad sound okay for you?"

Harry looks a little worried, "Um... yeah... sure... "

"C'mon." I lead the way up to my room. I feel a little self conscious showing it to Harry. "So this is my wonderful room." I try to joke.

He wanders in looking around in awe. He suddenly stops at my study desk to look at something. I subtly move over to try and see what it is.

It's the photo album I was looking at before. And it's open on that picture I was looking at. I feel my face go crimson as Harry turns to look at me wordlessly. His eyes are damp and his eyelashes are glistening.

"You... you kept it?" He manages to speak.

I nod quietly and pick up the album. "Of course I did. I'd never want to forget you Harry. I don't think I even could."

He lowers his eyes to the picture. "We were so happy..." he traces our outlines on the photo with his fingertips. "I miss it..."

I cautiously take his hand and tilt his chin so he's looking at me properly. His skin is snowy and his eyes like emeralds. And his lips are so red. I hesitate before standing on my toes and kissing him softly.

He initially starts to pull away, but seems to decide against it and kisses me back shyly, leaning down and into the kiss. His lips are soft and he tastes like mint. I can't believe this is happening. I gently move my hand up his arm to rest on his shoulders. His hand rests lightly on my hip.

His eyes are closed and in this close proximity, I can feel his heart pounding in his chest. My own is beating erratically.

"Boys! Dinner!" Mum calls up from the hall.

We break apart, looking at each other with wide eyes. His lips are even redder than before and his cheeks are coloured pink. He looks at me questioningly.

"God, I've missed you so much." I mumble.

"I'm not god but I appreciate the sentiment." Harry half smiles, his eyes dancing.

I stare at him. Did he just...? I'm speechless. Maybe I deserved that.

"I missed you too." He quickly reassures me before lightly kissing me again. "We should go down to your mum. It would be rude to keep her waiting."

He walks out of the room with a spring in his step. I stare after him in astonishment. What just happened?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this has taken so long. Part of the reason was exams, partly lack of motivation, and then I started watching Supernatural. I will try and update sooner, I am just under a lot of pressure right now. I'm really grateful to everyone who reads this and comments/kudos. It really does mean a lot to me. I'm really sorry if this chapter isn't very good.

"So how was it?"

Jamie and Kevin are waiting expectantly on the couch as soon as I walk in. They are watching some DVD on the tv.

I try to hide the smile on my face but it's impossible. I really did have a nice time, even though it was so emotional and I had to eat a lot. Well, I didn't _have to_ , I just would have felt bad if I didn't because Jay went to the trouble of cooking for me.

"It was good." I mumble, shuffling over to the couch. My stomach has been hurting since dinner and I did my best not to throw anything up.

"Harry, are you alright? You look a little off. Did something happen?" Jamie is instantly on alert. 

I quickly shake my head to reassure him. "No, nothing bad happened. I.. There was just a lot of food."

"Do you want to take something for it?" Jamie goes to stand up but I quickly shake my my head again.

"I'm okay, really. I'll be fine." I sink into the couch and check my phone. I have a text from Louis. I open it.

_Hey Haz, I had a great time today. My sisters and my mother can't wait for the next time you come over :) I hope you had a good time. I can pick you up for school tomorrow if you would like? Can't wait to see you. -Louis_

"You really do like him, don't you?" Jamie and Kevin are watching me closely.

"What?" I can feel myself blushing. "I don't know what you're talking about." I keep my eyes glued to the screen and focus on typing a reply.

_Hi Louis, thank you, I had a really lovely time. Please thank your mother and sisters for me. And I'd like that .X_

" Sure you don't." Jamie laughs. "So, are you going to tell us how it went?" He puts an arm around my shoulder.

I shrug, "It was great." I admit. "His sisters and his mother were really sweet and welcoming." My heart feels warm as I remember how open and kind they were. "The girls are all grown up. Me and Louis...uhm.. we kissed..."

"Really?! Awwww." There were identical grins splitting their faces. "And? How was _that_?" Jamie smirks.

My phone buzzes. _No problem. See you then. xx_

"Well? We're waiting?" Kevin laughs.

I flush. "It was fine." I play with my phone to avoid their giggling. I'm tempted to throw it at them but that might hurt.

"Anything else happen?"

"His mother made a vegetarian Caesar salad and apple pie." I suddenly realize something. "Where's Zayn?"

"He went over to Perrie's. I think he's going to stay the night there." Jamie rolls his eyes. "I seriously think he's in love with her. He only met her two months ago and now..." he shrugs.

"You only met Kevin two month ago." I point out. 

"Yeah but he started _dating_ her a couple of days after they met." Kevin reaches for his glass.

I glance at my phone. It's almost eleven o'clock. And I'm really tired. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. To be honest, I'm a little nervous about how things will be with Louis.

"I'm going to go to bed... I'd rather not be tired at school tomorrow. And..." I cough, "Louis is going to pick me up tomorrow morning..."

The two of them look like Cheshire cats the way they're grinning. They're blue eyes are triumphant and mischievous looking.

"Cute." Jamie turns to Kevin. "I'll _definitely_ be picking you up." He kisses him and Kevin looks delighted.

I start to head for my room. "Guys... you can do whatever you want... but _please_... try to keep the noise down."

They look at me with wide eyes, as if they have no idea what I'm talking about, but Jamie's grinning gives them away.

I disappear into my room and after tossing and turning for a while, I eventually fall asleep.

 

"Rise and shine!"

I jolt awake as Jamie bounds into my room. He looks incredibly cheerful. He's not fully dressed and I can instantly see what's causing his good humour. His torso and back are littered with small marks.

He pulls open the curtains and I'm almost blinded by the light. I protest loudly. "Jamie what the hell? Close the curtains and put a shirt on!"

"You're grumpy." Jamie remarks, opening my wardrobe. "Your boyfriend called, he's picking you up in half an hour."

"He's not my boyfriend." I quickly correct. Then what he said fully sinks in and I stumble out of bed. "Half an hour? What? He called you? Why?"

"Calm down. You left your phone in the living room. You were asleep so I answered it. I was already up." He stretches.

I shuffle over to my wardrobe. "Are you looking for something?" I pick up a pair of black skinny jeans and a Supernatural t shirt.

"Really?" Jamie raises an eyebrow at the shirt. "I thought you were over it."

I ignore him. "What are you looking for?"

"A shirt." He rummages around until he manages to find the one he's looking for. "And we are going to the cinema after school, if you're up to it."

"Of course I am." I frown slightly. I don't like it when they treat me like I'm fragile.

"I'll leave you to get dressed. Louis will be here in... twenty minutes." Jamie glances at his phone. "Me and Kevin might be a bit late."

I grab a hoodie from the pile of clothes in my wardrobe. "That's okay. I'll manage."

"What the fuck is going on?"

Zayn suddenly staggers through my door, his hair tousled and looking the worse for wear. He looks like he hasn't slept a wink. And he reeks of alcohol.

I automatically shrink back and my heart is racing. I look at Jamie. "I... I though he... he was at P.. Perrie's-"

"Don't say her name!" Zayn snaps, his eyes unfocused. He is leaning heavily on the door frame.

"Zayn. Get out. Now." Jamie demands, advancing on him. "I don't know what's wrong with you but _don't_ take it out on Harry."

Zayn suddenly collapses, bursting into tears. "She broke up with me. I don't understand. Why would she do that?"

Jamie looks stunned and half moves to go to him before looking at me helplessly.

I pluck up my courage and go to Zayn, kneeling beside him. He really does reek of alcohol and it's making me feel sick but I try to ignore it. I gingerly give him a hug and he hugs back tightly.

"Haz, I'm sorry if I scared you, I.. I just don't... I..."

"Ssshhh. It's... it's okay. I understand." I try to comfort him. I feel like I'm doing a terrible job.

"Guys, Louis-"

Kevin appears and looks incredibly startled. "Ummm... Jamie...? What's up?"

I see Jamie silently mouth the explanation to him so it doesn't upset Zayn further. Then I realize what Kevin just said.

"Louis _here?_ I'm not even dressed!" I panic. "Where is he?"

"The kitchen." Kevin looks down at Zayn. "Zayn, buddy, you might want to get up from the floor. We do have school. I'm sure everything will be fine-"

I escape to the bathroom before things blow up. I honestly have no idea why Perrie would break up with Zayn. I quickly put on my clothes before nervously going out to the kitchen.

Louis is flicking through some music magazine with his back to me. He's wearing his football jacket and black jeans.

"H.. hi." I cough.

He spins around and his face suddenly lights up. "Harry! Good morning!"

"That's debatable." I mumble under my breath then flush. "Sorry! I didn't mean... it's just..."

"Did something happen?" Louis asks concernedly.

I bite my lip. "Perrie broke up with Zayn... he's kind of upset..." We both become aware of muffled yelling.

"C... can we go...?" I edge towards the door. I don't really want to hang around anymore if they're arguing.

"Of course. Do you perhaps need shoes first...?" Louis suggests with a grin on his face.

 

Louis picks up Liam and Niall on the way. I'm starting to feel more nervous about what's in store for me at school.

"English first, right?" Louis checks with the others. "This should be fun." He says sarcastically.

Thankfully the parking lot is empty as the first bell has probably already gone. I glance at Louis. I don't know how I'm supposed to act around him.

"So, does anyone need to go locker?" Liam looks around at all of us as he gets out of the car. Niall is quick to join him.

Seeing as no one needs to go, we walk straight to class. I give Louis a fleeting glance before we go in. He hasn't said a word to me since we left the car.

To my surprise he's watching me. "Hazza, don't worry. It'll be fine. I'll make sure of it." His hand briefly touches mine then he walks in.

"Boys. You're late. Care to explain where you've been?" Ms. Kelly instantly demands. She is glaring at me the most.

"Car broke down. Sorry." Louis lies nonchalantly. He sits down in his place with Liam and Niall.

I hesitantly go to my place beside Perrie who doesn't look much better than Zayn did this morning. Except she doesn't reek of alcohol. I avoid eye contact and just focus on staring at my desk.

From the moment we walked in, there was whispering and stares. I feel uncomfortable and worried.

"Harry Styles. Read page 394." Ms. Kelly stands in front of my desk, looking down at me with intense dislike.

"I don't have the book." I say quietly. I actually have very few books. I should have gotten them over the weekend but I guess I was a little distracted. If I do have an English book, Zayn probably knows where it is.

"And why do you not?" Ms. Kelly narrows her eyes.

I can feel everyone looking at me and I really don't like it. I fidget with the sleeve of my hoodie. "I just don't. I haven't got it yet."

""You _do_ realize school has been going on for a whole two months?" She's enjoying this.

"Miss, you may not have noticed but Harry hasn't been here that long." I hear Louis speak out in my defence from the back.

There's total silence. Ms. Kelly purses her lips. "Louis Tomlinson, you have just earned, yourself and Harry Styles here, detention."

I bite my lip and look around at Louis who looks both furious and apologetic. I send him a small grateful smile which he returns.

Ms. Kelly resumes teaching but it's to a very distracted class. I can hear the whispering and feel the stares.

"Harry?" Perrie's voice is hesitant and wary. Ms. Kelly is busy writing on the board.

I glance at her. She looks miserable and I feel sorry for her but my loyalty lies with Zayn. I remain silent.

"Please. Just... just hear me out." She pleads quietly. She's looking around as if she's afraid of being caught. "I had to do it."

I refuse to look at her. "Why? What could possibly have made you break up with Zayn?"

"Taylor Swift said she'd ruin you if I didn't. She's pissed about how Zayn humiliated her at the party and she figured she'd use us to get at him." Perrie's eyes are bright blue and she looks close to tears. "I know how much you mean to Zayn and if you got hurt it would really upset him. Even more than me breaking up with him. Please. I just want you to tell him the truth. I can't be seen near him or _she_ will do something."

I can see she's not lying. I feel terrible that it's actually because of me that Zayn is losing the best thing that's happened to him since he got out of rehab.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "I'll sort it out. Please, forget about me. Call Zayn and explain. I'll be fine."

Perrie looks unsure but when the bell rings, Louis is instantly by my side leaving no room for more discussion.

"Harry, I'm so sorry." Louis apologizes. "I didn't mean to get you detention."

I shake my head. "It doesn't matter. I can skip. I'm going to the cinema with Jamie and the others after school." I bite my lip hesitantly. "You're welcome to join us if your like. Liam and Niall too."

"What's happening?" Niall bounds over with Liam in tow.

"We're going to the cinema after school if you want to come." Louis smiles at me brightly.

"Sure! What movie?" Liam asks warmly.

"Probably Captain America." I pick up my bag. There's hardly anything in it because Zayn has most of the books.

"Sound." Niall grins. "Meet after school in the parking lot or at the cinema?"

"Car park. I'll give you a lift." Louis briefly touches my hand and I smile shyly. "Okay"

 

The rest of my morning classes pass without much trouble. There is of course a lot of name calling and a little shoving but I manage to hold my own and ignore them.

During lunch I sit with Jamie and Kevin as usual. I manage to eat a salad sandwich. Robbie is chatting animatedly about something. Apparently Zayn and Perrie are hoping to get back together.

I can't help looking over to where Louis sitting with his football mates. I'm surprised to see he's watching me. He gives a small wave before returning to his conversation with Liam.

My classes after lunch are more difficult because Zayn isn't in and I don't know anybody. I try to keep my head down but it's not much use.

I end up with a busted lip after some guy punches me in an effort to make me fight him. I don't though because I know I'd have no chance. Luckily it's outside a classroom when he challenges me so I can decline when the teacher arrives without getting beat up anyway.

After school I stop off at my locker to drop off some books. Louis at his locker and... so is Eleanor. They're in a heated argument so I try to keep a low profile.

"Haz!" Louis steps around Eleanor who stalks off angrily, to lean against the locker by mine.

I offer him a small smile before pulling a few books out of my locker. I feel tired. School is really exhausting.

Suddenly Louis pecks me on the cheek. His eyes are glinting mischievously. I feel myself blush which makes him grin wider.

"You're so adorable." He remarks.

I gently swat him with a book before closing my locker and heading outside, Louis close behind.

When we get to the parking lot, I become aware of a lot of shouting and a large crowd gathered there. I shrink back and start to return back inside when I feel Louis go stiff.

"Harry." He says urgently. "Go inside and get a teacher. I'll deal with this. Don't worry-"

I spin around apprehensive of why he's so worried. That's when I see a flash of a familiar blonde within the circle created by the crowd around the Jamie's car.

"" I instantly race towards the crowd despite Louis' protests. My heart is in my mouth with fear.

I struggle to get through the crowd, getting more than a couple sharp jabs in my ribs but I'm to terrified to care.

Jamie and Kevin and Robbie are surrounded by five huge guys, that look like they could be in university from their size. Jamie is getting the worst beating as Kevin and Robbie are just being restrained.

There's blood all over the place and Jamie looks fit to collapse. He's fighting two of the giants and it's not going well.

I feel like throwing up but I know I have to be strong to save him. They haven't noticed me yet so I take advantage of that and target the smaller giant.

I go for a low blow, and kick him between the legs from behind. He falls to the ground, cursing loudly. One of the ones restraining Robert and Kevin joins the fray.

I realize Louis is right behind me. He takes on the second one and I turn to help Jamie.

My heart stops when I see the huge brunet pin Jamie against the car and punch him so hard there's a loud noise as Jamie's head hits the car. Immediately, Jamie goes limp.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so, this chapter is kind of shorter than usual and not much happens but the next chapter should hopefully be more exciting. Sorry .X

"NO!"

I feel anger and terror race through me. Not Jamie. Please let him be okay. I can't lose him. I have to get to him.

I put aside all concerns for myself and dart forward. I muster up the little strength I have and slam the guy who hurt Jamie up against the car and punch him. I hear a satisfactory crunch as his nose breaks against the window.

I continue pummeling him with all my strength until someone grabs me from behind. I instinctively start lashing out until I realize it's Louis.

At that moment all hell breaks loose as Louis joins in and Kevin and Robbie get free. They immediately start tackling the older lads.

I dodge a punch from the guy whose nose I just broke, and drop beside Jamie who is slumped against the car, his eyes closed.

"Jamie! Jamie?" I try to wake him but he won't. There's lots of blood on his face and he's making low noises of pain.

I get a flashback to that day he was beaten up protecting me. He was knocked unconscious that time too. It took him days to recover. But by that time I'd already been transferred to the rehabilitation centre.

"Jamie! Please!" I plead, hugging his immobile form tightly. I pull my out of my jeans and with shaking fingers, I dial for the ambulance.

"What's going on here? Break this up immediately!" Some man with greying hair and sharp blue eyes appears.

Within seconds, most of the crowd has scattered, including the group of lads that attacked Jamie. There's just Kevin, Robert, Louis, Jamie and me left.

I hear the screech of a siren as the ambulance pulls up. Paramedics flood out and place Jamie on a stretcher. I can see the worry on Kevin's face.

"Who called the ambulance?" The man demands.

"I did." Despite everything, my voice doesn't shake. I meet his gaze head on. I won't back down.

"You had no permission. If your friend was injured-"

"Sir, Jamie _needed_ an ambulance." I keep my voice level. "They _knocked him out_."

"So what is this boy's name?" A paramedic questions.

"Jamie Campbell Bower." I answer, still glaring at the man. He's not any of my teachers so I don't care.

"Age?"

"21."

"Okay. We need someone to accompany him."

I bite my lip and glance at Kevin before quickly finding a pen and scribbling my number on his hand. "Call me if there's anything they need to know that you're not sure of."

Kevin's eyes widen. "Harry-"

"I'll be there as soon as I can." My eyes follow Jamie into the back of the ambulance. I'm finding it hard to breathe. "Just... just make sure he's okay."

Kevin gives me a quick hug and a whispered 'thank you' before joining Jamie in the ambulance. I reluctantly watch them leave then to turn to deal with the fuming teacher. I'm too tired for this.

"What is your name?" The man demands.

"Harry Styles." I say quietly.

"The new kid, right? I should have expected you to pull something like this-"

"Sir, all Harry did was call an ambulance for his friend who needed it." I feel Louis wrap an arm around my waist as he defends me. He's warm and his support means a lot.

"Louis Tomlinson. I don't see what this has to do with you." The man frowns.

"Well, Jamie is a friend and Harry is very important to me." Louis says clearly. "Therefore this does concern me, sir."

The man ignores him and turns on Robert instead. "Sheehan. Did my last warning not get through to you? I will not have fighting on school grounds!"

"All due respect, Mr. Quinn, but it was Taylor Swift who invited those college students here. They are the ones who attacked Jamie." Robbie tries to set things straight.

"Sheehan, you're suspended for three days. So is Kevin Zegers." The man, who I now realize is the principal, returns his glare to me and Louis.

"Tomlinson, I would have expected better from you, however, I am willing to be lenient as you're record is not half as blemished as Sheehan's or Zegers'. However, let this be a warning to you not to get in any more fights in the future. Understand?"

"Yes sir." Louis says tightly. I can feel the tension in his body.

"And Harry Styles. You've hardly been here two weeks yet you've already been involved in multiple altercations. I was told you were bright but I'm disappointed. Perhaps a two day's suspension will give you time to get your priorities straight."

I look at him in shock. He's _suspending_ me? Louis rubbing small soothing circles on my side with his fingers but it's not helping.

"Sir, I haven't done anything wrong." I protest weakly. "Neither have the others, they-"

"If I wanted your opinion I would ask for it. But I don't." Mr. Quinn says calmly. "A troubled background is no excuse for acting up in school. Remember that Styles."

With that, he walks away leaving the three of us alone in the parking lot.

"Bastard!" Robbie kicks the tire of the car angrily.

"Harry, are you okay?" Louis asks me carefully. His blue eyes are full of concern.

I just grip his hand tightly. "C... could you please drive me to... to Jamie?" I can't say hospital. I don't want to think about it.

"Of course, love." Louis kisses my check reassuringly. "Will we take Jamie's car or mine...?"

"Yours..." I glance at Jamie's car, "He probably has the keys of his..."

"Okay, so-"

"You guys are still here?"

Liam and Niall appear, looking a little dishevelled. They peer at us curiously.

"Where have you been?" Louis growls, starting towards his car.

"Library! Jeeez, what's up with you?" Niall exclaims.

"Just get in the car. Now." Louis demands. 

I sit in the passenger seat beside him and Robert, Liam and Niall sit in the back. The two seem to notice the tension in the air.

"Tommo, did something happen?" Niall glances at Robert, "No offense, mate, but what are you doing here?"

"While you two were doing god only knows what in the library," Louis snaps, "a group of Taylor's college friends put Jamie in hospital!"

There's deadly silence.

"Shit. Is he okay?" Liam and worriedly. "How did it happen?"

"The bastards had us outnumbered. And it was Jamie they were after. The guy restraining me told me Taylor wanted him out of the picture so they could target Harry." Robert mumbles. "Also, apparently the one that put him in hospital knew him from before."

Suddenly my phone rings. It's Kevin. I answer it with trepidation. "What's wrong?"

"They want to know if he's ever had any kind of head injury before?" Kevin's voice is trembling but he's trying to be strong.

I feel sick. "Yes. He was beaten unconscious less than a year ago. He ended up with a bad concussion."

I hear Kevin relay the information to whoever's there. "We're on our way.. How.. how is he?" I whisper.

"He should be fine." Kevin sounds shaky. "It's just the fact he's had a previous head injury means they want to keep a closer eye on him."

I feel relieved. "Thanks Kevin. See you in a couple of minutes." I hang up, feeling slightly better about Jamie but still really tired.

"How is he?" Louis asks tentatively.

"He should be okay. They're just keeping a closer eye on him because he's had a head injury before..." I try not to think about the last time and the catastrophic consequences it had.

"He sounds like he's been in the wars." Liam remarks. "What happened the last time?"

I feel Louis worried gaze. I swallow and just try to keep myself together. "He was protecting me." As fucking usual. I'm hopeless.

We pull up outside the hospital and my stomach is churning. Louis puts his arm around me and helps me inside.

When we get inside, I try to shut out all the memories I have associated with hospitals. It's hard though with the encompassing sounds of beeping machines and nurses and doctors talking loudly.

"Excuse me, we're looking for Jamie Campbell Bower?" Robbie inquires of a blonde girl at the reception.

She gives us directions and within moments, we're outside his room  
I clutch Louis' hand before walking in.

To my surprise, Jamie is awake. He looks awful though. He's really pale and there's a bandage around his head. He's wearing his black ADTR hoodie over the hospital gown.

"Harry!" He spots me quickly. I notice he is holding Kevin's hand.

"Jamie." I stumble over, feeling close to tears. It's really just hitting me now how bad this could have been. I don't know what I'd do without Jamie.

"Awww Haz, cheer up! I'm alright! See!" He goes to sit up but grimaces. "Anyway, they're keeping me in overnight unfortunately so I probably won't be able to go to school tomorrow-"

"You're probably suspended anyway." Louis mumbles, something down in the closest chair and pulling me onto his lap. "Haz got suspended, so did Zegers and Sheehan."

"What!" Kevin exclaims. "You're joking, right?"

"Sorry. It's the truth. Mr. Quinn had a fucking pissy fit after you got taken away." Louise nods at Jamie. "Guess ambulances aren't good for the school image."

"God that man is a douche." Jamie scowls. "Those asshats attacked _us_. What were we supposed to do?"

"You should have heard him." Louis says darkly, his arms tightening slightly around my waist. "If he talks to Harry like that again I'll fucking punch him."

Protective Louis is actually really cute. I can't help smiling and kissing him on the cheek. "Cute."

"Hey!" Louis weakly protests. "I'm not cute. You're cute. You're like a little kitten."

"Wait. What?" Jamie looks annoyed. "What did he do to Harry?"

I shake my head. "It really doesn't matter. I wasn't paying much attention to what he was saying-"

"Harry." He raises an eyebrow.

I sigh in defeat. "It's nothing really. Honestly."

" _Harry_." Jamie repeats.

I frown at Louis before looking back at Jamie. "He just thought he should have expected me to 'pull something like this' and basically a 'troubled background is no excuse for acting up in school'." I shrug and rest my head head on Louis shoulder tiredly.

"That bastard." Kevin looks angry. "Harry, don't listen to him. He's a jerk."

"I figured." I mumble. Then I realize what I'm doing and I struggle to move off of Louis' lap. "Shit. Sorry. I probably weigh a fucking tonne."

"Harry. You're light as a feather, seriously." Louis doesn't release his grip. "You should take a nap, little kitten."

"Why does you guys all say I'm like a kitten." I yawn, hesitantly putting my head back on Louis' shoulder.

"Because you are." Jamie laughs.

"I think it's the eyes." Louis muses.

"No, mate, it's the curls." Liam argues.

"No, definitely the eyes." Louis decides.

I fall asleep to the sound of my friends jokingly bickering among each other.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm really sorry about my slow updating, I'm just really busy with school because it's my leaving certificate year and the exams are starting in June and I'm so stressed out but anyway. I was going over this whole storyand I am so sorry about all the little spelling errors and shit. I'll correct them as soon as I get the chance. Also, sorry for any inaccuracies, I'm Irish. Not entirely sure where this story takes place exactly. I don't know a whole lot about America. I'm sorry. It's late. I haven't been sleeping so I don't know what I'm saying. So here's the next chapter .X hope you like it

"What are you doing here? What did you to to Harry? Where is Jamie?"

As soon as the door opens, I'm bombarded by a concerned looking Malik who is gradually growing more agitated as he fires questions at me.

"Calm down, would you?" I shove past him, carrying a sleeping Harry. I don't really care that it's rude, considering it's not my apartment, all I want is to put Harry somewhere comfortable. Like his own bed.

I notice Malik's girlfriend on the couch. She looks alarmed and rises quickly. I ignore her and find Harry's room.

I gently lay him out on the bed and pull the duvet over him. I carefully take off his hoodie so he won't get overheated but I avoid looking at his scars. He mumbles something in his sleep but doesn't wake.

Once I'm happy that Harry seems comfortable, I return to the living room where Malik and his girlfriend are. They are whispering quietly but fall silent once I walk in, looking at me expectantly.

"So what exactly happened?" Malik demands impatiently.

I scowl at him. "Hmmm. Let's see. A fight happened. And Jamie is in hospital."

"I know that much. But that was all Kevin told me." Malik gestures for me to keep going.

I refrain from snapping. "Maybe if you'd _been there_ you would know."

"Just tell me." He growls, his eyes flashing.

I glare at him.. "There's not much more to say. Jamie got knocked out. Everyone involved is suspended."

"You're fucking joking."

"Does it look like I am? And keep your bloody voice down. Harry needs his sleep." I feel like hitting him but that would get me nowhere. Unfortunately.

"Is Harry okay?" Perrie asks worriedly. 

I nod briefly at her. "He probably just exhausted himself trying to protect Jamie."

"Fuck." Malik looks really pissed. "He has a check up in a couple of days. This isn't going to go well. He hasn't been keeping to his eating plan and we didn't force him."

"Malik-"

"Zayn. Just call me Zayn." He stands up. "Do you want anything to eat or drink? I'm going to make Harry something to eat. He can't go to bed on an empty stomach."

I shake my head. "I'm okay, thanks."

He shrugs, "Alright." He heads into the kitchen. Leaving me with his girlfriend.

"Hi." The lilac haired girl smiles hesitantly. "I'm Perrie. We haven't really been properly introduced."

I return her smile. "Louis. Yeah, things have been rather hectic lately."

"That's certainly true!" She exclaims. "Our school has always been somewhat crazy but since Harry came... it's been so much more dramatic than ever. Taylor really has it in for him."

I run a hand through my hair. "I know. It's incredible how much everything had changed in such a short period of time."

"Here. Figure you might need this." Zayn comes out of the kitchen with three cans of beer. "It's been a rough day."

Perrie accepts one of the cans. I hesitate before taking one. I check the time on my phone. 8:30. I also notice a ton of missed messages and called from my mother. Shit.

I set the can in the table and stand up. "Sorry, I have to call my mother. My phone been on silent since school."

"Sure, no problem." Zayn gestures towards the kitchen. "You can take it in there if you want."

I nod and walk in there as I ring my mother. She picks up immediately.

"Louis! Where have you been?" She sounds frantic.

I immediately start trying to calm her down."Mum, I'm fine, honestly. I'm sorry. My phone was on silent-"

"Where have you been? It's almost nine! School ended almost five hours ago! We've been worried sick!"

I feel a stab of guilt. "I really am sorry. One of Harry's friends had to go to hospital and I brought Harry to see him and then I bought Harry home-"

"What happened?" She sound marginally calmer. It won't last long once she heard the rest of what I have to say.

"There was... there was a... fight?" I brace myself.

"A fight? Do you _want_ to be grounded? What on earth possessed you? Are you hurt? You better come home right now, young man."

I exhale loudly. "I wasn't really involved. Some bitch in our year got a bunch of college lads to beat up some of Haz's mates. Jackie ended up in hospital." I pace the small kitchen. " I'll be home in an hour. Promise. And I'm sorry if I worried you."

"Louis, you shouldn't speak about a girl like that, no matter how horrible she is." Mum reprimands me. "How are Harry and his friend?"

I notice Zayn come into the kitchen and start to pour soup in a bowl. "Harry's up." He mouths.

I acknowledge him with a nod before answering my mother. "Well he was really tired but he'll be okay. Jamie, the friend, is doing good as well. I'll head home as soon as I've said goodbye to Harry, okay?"

"Sure. Tell him I was asking for him. So I'll see you soon. Bye, love."

"See you." I hang up and follow Zayn out of the kitchen.

"We will have to wake him up." Zayn opens his bedroom door.

Turns out Harry is already awake and he's listening to his ipod while reading Game of Thrones.

It doesn't take him as long to eat the soup as it did the last time but it's clear he's not happy about it. As soon as he finishes, I say my goodbye, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

When I get home it's almost ten. The twins are in bed but Charlotte and Felicite have waited up with Mum.

"Louis. What the hell!" Charlotte is frowning at me. "Seriously. What. The. Hell."

I rest my eyes on my mother who is waiting for me with a disapproving look.

"You could've just rang Liam or Niall." I grumble. I feel like I'm about to be interrogated.

"Their phones were off." Mum says quietly. "Louis, go to bed. We can talk about this in the morning. Girls, you too."

I immediately do as she says. I'm so thankful I wasn't suspended. Add a suspension on top of my disappearance and things would have been a lot worse.

It doesn't take me long to fall asleep because I hadn't realized how tired I actually was.

 

Next morning I'm woken up earlier than usual in order to recount every detail of what happened yesterday to my mother. She looks outraged by the end of it.

"How dare he! Would he have preferred a student of his school to end up brain damaged or worse, just because he cares too much about school image?! I will make a complaint to the Council over this!"

I hold up a hand. "Woah. Hold on. I don't think that would be a good idea. I don't think Harry should be put through another court case. No matter what he thinks, he's still really fragile."

"I guess you're right." Mum signs wearily. "But that man was out of order with what he said. And that girl needs to be disciplined. Legal action could easily be brought against those students who put that boy in hospital, that was an assault." 

I sigh, "I know. But I think it's up to Jamie and Harry. Though from what I can tell, they're unlikely to contact the police over it."

"Well... you'd better start getting ready for school. I could make a complaint against the principal on your behalf though?" Mum persists.

I shake my head. "That would still drag Harry and Jamie into it. It's best just leave it. Harry has enough on his plate already."

 

When I get to school, I'm on the receiving end of a lot of staring and whispering. I try to ignore it as I get my books from my locker.

"Lou, just ignore it. They're not worth your time." Niall and Liam appear behind me. "How is Harry?"

I smile tiredly at them. "He seemed alright when I left him last night. He ate a whole bowl of soup which was good."

"That's great!" Liam beams. "I'm presuming he's recovering from an eating disorder?"

I realize Liam and Niall don't really know anything about Harry except what they must be picking up on. "Ummm.. yeah. That and self harm."

"Yeah. We saw that." Niall says uncomfortably. "He must have gone through so much."

I nod and close my locker. "He really has." I mumble. "C'mon. Let's go to class."

 

By the time break time comes I'm fit to kill someone. Particularly a certain blue eyed blonde haired bitch.

I'm talking to Zayn and Perrie about Harry, with Liam, Niall and Demi, when _she_ comes over with Eleanor.

"Your boyfriend must be devo that his other boyfriend is in hospital." Eleanor says poisonously.

"I suppose your little boyfriend was to weak to defend himself." Taylor sneers. "I suppose being an attention seeking anore-"

"Shut the fuck up you whore." I hiss. "You're the attention seeking slut."

"Awwww. Looks like Loulou is defensive over his little boy toy. I suppose having a needy, clingy mentally deranged psychopath hanging on your every word gives you an ego boost."

I'm so angry but I know she's goading me into lashing out. I won't fall into that trap.

"You're a fucking bitch." Perrie is the one to slap her across the face. Hard.

Taylor shrieks loudly. Everyone's heads turn to watch as Taylor lashes out at Perrie. Perrie is ready for her though.

A teacher appears before things can escalate and Eleanor, Taylor and Perrie are hauled off to the office.

"Can we go _one_ day without that bitch interfering with us?" Zayn growls.

"I hear you, mate." Liam says grimly. "She's pure poison."

 

During the next block of classes, I continuously check my phone to see if Harry texts but there's nothing.

It's not until during lunch that my phone rings. I'm quick to answer it as it's from him.

"Harry? Heya. How are you? How's the day off going?" I ask lightly.

"Louis. Louis. Louis. Please. I'm sorry. Please. Please. Can you... can you come over...? Please, Louis. I'm sorry. Help. She's here. Please help me." Harry sounds frantic and out of control. I can only guess that it's his sister.

" Harry, listen to me. It will be okay. I'll be right there. Is Jamie there?" I start walking out of the cafeteria, ignoring Liam and Niall.

"N-no. He and Kevin... went... cinema...." Harry seems to be having difficulty breathing.

"Breathe. Hazza. Breathe. I'll be there in a very short while." I hurry to my car.

"I'm...I... locked myself... in room... she... she won't go... away.. she... she took.. my... my phone...." Harry sounds terrified. "I think... she rang... _him_..." he starts hyperventilating.

I don't care if I'm breaking the speed limit. I have to get to Harry before something bad happens."Just.. stay on the phone with me... yes?" I plead.

"Y...yes...o...okay..." Harry chokes.

 

When I pull up outside the apartment, there's a small black car outside. I race up the steps and in the open door. I see Gemma waiting on the couch.

I make a beeline for Harry's room. I knock on the door carefully so I don't scare him. "Haz. It's Louis. Will to let me in?"

There's a moment before the door is unlocked. I stumble in quickly so his sister doesn't get in.

Harry is a mess. He's shaking like a feather in a hurricane. His eyes are wild and fearful. I notice he's wearing a white t shwirt that has strange red splotches on it.

My blood runs when I realize that it's blood. I then notice that his arms are covered in blood a well. His hands are shaking and I can see that his fingernails are all bloody.

"I'm sorry.... I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry..." Harry repeats panickedly. His breathing is really uneven.

"Sssshhhh. It's okay. It's okay." I gingerly lead him towards his bed.

He collapses down on it, shivering violently. He's staring at the door with absolute terror in his eyes.

My heart is breaking seeing him so terrified. I pull him towards me and hold him tightly. "I won't let anything happen to you, Hazza. I swear it." I gently rub circles into his back.

I remember that he's still covered in blood. I can smell the metallic sharpness of it in the air. Harry seems to have lost awareness of what's happening so I take of my hoodie and wrap it around both wrists. I won't risk bringing him out to the bathroom.

I pick my phone up off the floor and go to call Jamie but I don't have his number. I curse silently. I spot Harry's phone on the bedside table and remember him telling me that Jamie was on his speed dial. I quickly ring the number and the response is almost instantaneous.

"Hey, Harry, is everything alright?" Jamie answers.

"Jamie. It's Louis. You have to come back. Bring as many of the others as you can. Gemma is here and she rang _him_. Harry is in a bad way. Please. Just get here quickly." I try to keep my voice calm so I don't freak out Harry but towards the end my voice is tinged with desperation. 

"I'll be there ASAP." Jamie hangs up abruptly.

I look down at Harry who is still just staring wild eyed at the door. He's still shaking too.

"You're gonna have to come out at some stage." Gemma calls from outside.

At that, Harry starts. He begins whimpering quietly. I kiss the top of his head in an attempt to calm him down.

"Louis Louis Louis Louis Louis Louis." He starts mumbling my name like a mantra. 

"Get out of here." We both jump when we hear voices start yelling.

"If you don't get out right now, I'm calling the police!" Someone shouts.

The door suddenly slams and someone else yells. " AND DON'T COME BACK."

The door to Harry's room is then being knocked on by multiple hands. "Hazza, it's us. Please let us in."

Harry has gone back to his blank staringbut he's clutching me tightly so I carry him over to the door and unlock it.

I figure is better clean his arms up as quickly as possible so I dart past them into the bathroom where I clean up the blood and bandage his arms. 

It's not as bad as I initially had thought. Mostly just reopened scabs and shallow scratches.

I then bring him back into the bedroom where Jamie, Zegers, Sheehan, Zayn Liam, Niall, Perrie, Demi and two other guys I don't recognize are waiting.

"Harry! Shit. What's wrong?"

They all express their concern for the unresponsive Harry in my arms.

"Guys, maybe give him a little space to breathe." I mumble as I shuffle inside.

"Sure. We'll wait outside." All except Zayn and Jamie exit the room.

"How long has he been like that?" Zayn starts examining Harry.

"I got call about ten minutes into lunch and he sounded pretty bad." I feel angry. "Why does Harry have to deal with all this shit."

"I know. It kills me seeing him like this." Jamie says, forlorn. "This is what happens when he's terrified out of his mind. It's not the first time I've seen him like this."

"He'll start to get better once he gets some sleep." Zayn disappears outside briefly and arrives back with a small bottle.

"He won't fall asleep like this without these. He hates taking them but he has to."

Harry is so out of it he doesn't notice when Zayn puts two of the tablets in his mouth. He just swallows them.

It's not long before his eyes shut and his breathing evens out.

"We have to do something about this whole mess." I clench my fists. "He's not going to be able to stand all this shit."

There's a pause in the conversation as we watch the rise and falling of Harry's chest. He looks so much more peaceful.

"There isn't much we can do that will work effectively, short of going to the police. And Haz definitely won't be willing to do that." Jamie says resignedly. "And all this fighting at school is getting us nowhere."

"He's lost weight since he's gone back to school." Zayn remarks anxiously. "All this stress isn't good for him. We have to do something about it. Even if it means going against his wishes and going to the police...."

A leaden atmosphere hangs in the air as we come to terms with what Zayn is saying. There is no room for doubt that if we went with that plan without telling him, no matter how much it would improve his situation, Harry would see it as a betrayal of his trust.

My heart is heavy as I leave the apartment to drive home. My head is dizzy with thoughts of how to help Harry out of this whole fucked up situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading .X and huge thanks to everyone who comments or leaves kudos, it really means a lot to me .X


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for the delay. Thankfully my exams finish on Thursday. I've just been really not motivated to do anything lately but I managed to get this written idek   
> I'm really so grateful to everyone that comments/kudos/bookmarks. I honestly can't thank you all enough .X  
> So. I hope you like this chapter. I don't think there'll be many more after this one. X

_"Harry, love, do you want to help me make dinner?"_

_I look around into the smiling green eyes of my mother. I hide my shock. Today must be one of her good days._

_"S... sure." I follow her into the kitchen._

_"So, how are you?" She makes chat as she starts pulling the ingredients for whatever she's preparing, out of the press._

_"I'm fine." I say quietly. I can't tell her how I really feel. She might care now, but she could just use it in the future to hurt me more. I feel guilty for lying and thinking this way._

_"How are things going with your boyfriend, Louis, right? I bumped into Jay at the supermarket and she said she hasn't seen you around in a while." She passes me some vegetables to cut._

_I feel sick. My chest is tightening and it's hard to breathe. "We... we're not... not together anymore..." I manage to choke out._

_Mum notices and comes over, "Aw, Harry, it'll be okay, I'm sure things will work out." She ruffles my hair._

_Suddenly there's a loud crash. "What the fuck? What fool would leave these bags right inside the door!"_

_I freeze as my father yells angrily. He's slurring his words. He must be drunk. I can feel my heart racing in terror. My mother looks just as frightened._

_"Anne, you bitch. Get rid of the boy." He stumbles into the kitchen. "He's a waste of space. Good for nothing. Gemma is the one who should be here. He's the one who should leave. _Permanently.__

_"Don't talk about Harry like that!" Mum says weakly. She doesn't want to fight my father. I understand. But it hurts. Maybe I deserve it._

_"I'll talk about him as I fucking please." He lunges forward and starts beating me mercilessly._

_As I lie on the floor, curled up trying to keep quiet, I look up to see my mother just looking down at me with distant, expressionless look on her face._

 

I open my eyes and I can feel tears on my cheeks. I roughly rub my eyes and resist the urge to throw up.

I haven't thought about those memories in a long time. I've tried to avoid it. It hurts so much to remember my mother and the few moments where she actually briefly acted like my mother.

I quietly sit up. I notice the bandages on my wrists and the events of yesterday flood my mind. I swallow back a whimper.

Louis probably thinks I'm even more pathetic than usual. I can't do anything right. Even Gemma managed to overpower me and delete the recording off my phone before I escaped into my room with it.

I need to be sick. I can't take this. I slip out of my bed but I fall to the ground. I notice Jamie and Zayn asleep on chairs in the corner of the room. They look exhausted.

I manage to get past them without them waking up. I then lock myself in the bathroom and turn on the shower. I drop to my knees and, hating myself, I start throwing up.

Not five minutes later, I hear loud knocking on the door. I finish the toilet before checking my reflection. I look like shit.

"Harry? Are you okay?" Jamie calls urgently. His voice is muffled through the door and over the sound of the shower.

I don't want to answer because I know my voice will give me away. But if I don't, it will just worry him.

"I- I'm fine." I turn off the shower. "I... I'll be out in a few minutes..."

Jamie doesn't respond.

I turn the shower back on and stand under it, even though I'm still fully clothed. The water is icy cold but it helps clear my mind.

I know I have to do something about this whole situation but I don't know what. I'm helpless. Maybe my father was right. I am useless.

I eventually get out of the shower. I peel off the sodden clothes and wrap myself in a towel instead. I also rebandage my wrists. I don't want to face Zayn or Jamie after what I've done.

I can hear them in the living room. They're watching tv but talking in low voices to each other. Probably about me.

I manage to get to my room unseen. I pull on a pair of skinny jeans and a loose hoodie. My phone is lighting up on mybedside table so I check it wearily.

Apparently it's one o'clock. I open the text message from Louis. There's a few. The most recent was sent just now.

_Hey, sorry if you're asleep. I'm just really worried about you. If you're awake, please text back. Unless you're busy. No pressure.  
\- Love, Louis_

I don't check the others. I just start to reply.  
 _Hi Louis. Sorry for not replying earlier. Just out of a shower... sorry about yesterday... thanks for being there though... sorry you had to go through that...  
\- Harry_

I put the phone on my pocket before slowly walking out to Zayn and Jamie. They immediately fall silent.

"Harry, how are you feeling?" Zayn questions, watching me closely.

"Great." I mumble. I'm kind of mad at them for slipping me the sleeping tablets but I don't know if I have the right to be. I just don't know anything right now.

"Do you want a drink?" Jamie suggests lightly.

"As long as there's no medication in it." I snap. I immediately feel guilty as both their faces fall. "I'm sorry." I shuffle over to one the chairs. "I'm sorry."

"Harry, it's okay." Zayn approaches me carefully as Jamie fetches the drink. "You're right. We shouldn't have done that but we didn't know what else to do."

I look up at him and I can feel tears filling my eyes. I know that he and Jamie do really care about me. Why else would they have stuck around. They do care. More than my family ever did.

"Haz, it's okay." Zayn pulls me into a hug. "You don't need to worry about anything. We'll figure something out."

"Thank you." I mumble. I decide to pretend and act like yesterday never happened.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I check the text.  
 _Harry, you have nothing to apologize for. Seriously. Don't worry about it. If you're feeling better, I might drop by after school .xx_

"Louis?" Zayn asks.

I nod. "He's going to drop by after school if that's okay...?"

"Of course." Zayn nods. "Anyone else coming?"

I shrug and send a text back to Louis telling him it's okay to come.

Jamie returns with a tray of drinks and sandwiches. He sets it on the the table. "We're going to need to go shopping for more food at some stage."

"Shouldn't you be at school?" I suddenly realize, looking at Zayn.

He shrugs. "Doesn't matter. I'd rather stay here with you guys."

"Awww Z, you're too kind." Jamie laughs.

"How's your head?" I turn to Jamie who sighs dramatically.

"I am fine. Seriously. Why else would they have let me out earlier yesterday?"

I reluctantly accept what he says.

"So, so you want the tomato and lettuce or cheese and tomato?" Jamie offers me the tray.

I swallow. My throat is off from earlier but I know I have to eat something whether I want to or not. I hesitantly choose a tomato and lettuce triangle.

"Thank you." I mumble.

"No problem. So, how are things with your boyfriend?" Jamie asks lightly.

I tense and the mouthful of sandwich I just swallowed threatens to find back up. Echoes my mother and that dream/memory resound in my head.

"Harry? Haz? What's wrong?" They are both quick to notice something is up.

"Nothing." I don't want to talk about it. I need to start dealing with these things myself. I can't keep burdening them with my issues.

"Really?" Zayn says, his dark eyes wide with disbelief.

"Yes." I cough, my voice hoarse.

They reluctantly accept my refusal to talk about it and instead we start watching X Men on the tv until Louis arrives.

 

The doorbell rings loudly and Jamie gets up to answer it. A highly strung looking Louis bursts in. He's carrying a giant stuffed cat.

"Haz! Hey, how are you?" He approaches me carefully.

"Hi Louis." I rise from my chair. I feel a little awkward knowing what he saw yesterday.

"I stopped at the toy shop on the way here because I saw this in the window!" Louis holds out the giant black cat. "Thought it could keep you company when I'm not here. Like a mini me except it's more like you."

I can tell he's nervous as he's rambling. My heart warms as I realize he actually got me a stuffed toy. I briefly hesitate before kissing him on the cheek and his stubble is rough. "Thank you." I whisper.

"So, how are you feeling?" Louis sits in my chair and pulls me on to his lap.

I let out a small noise of surprise.

"Shit, is this okay or-" Louis quickly starts apologizing.

"No no it's fine! But...." I bite my lip, " You can like... push me off if I'm too heavy-"

Louis squeezes me into a hug. "No. Harry. You're a feather. Light as a feather. I swear." He kisses the back of my neck and I can't help a small giggle that escapes.

"Maybe you two do make a good couple." Zayn remarks.

I feel myself go crimson. I'd briefly forgotten they were there. I bury my head in Louis' shoulder.

"So, how was school?" Jamie asks as he flicks channels.

"Meh." Louis shrugs. "You probably heard this but Swift got suspended. Only for a day, mind you, but still."

"Really?" I'm glad to hear it. I really dislike her. Okay. Maybe I hate her.

"Yeah. She and Perrie got in a fight yesterday and they were both suspended." Louis sounds angry. "I should get Perrie flowers." He adds as an afterthought.

"Why?" Zayn intervenes quickly. It's a little comical to think he could be jealous.

"Well... Taylor was trying to rile me up. I came close to hitting her except I knew that was what she wanted. Perrie did it instead." Louis laughs.

Zayn breaks into a grin. "That's my girl."

"So, who's actually left in school from our group that hasn't been suspended?" Jamie muses.

"Well, you've been suspended, Harry, Perrie, Kevin, Robbie..." Zayn lists them off.

"It's all fault." I mumble. "Everyone is getting suspended because of me."

"Hey that's not true it's not your fault at all." Jamie protests. " If anyone is at fault it's that bitch, Swift."

I shift a little uncomfortably in Louis' lap. "Yeah, but, it's still _because_ of me. I'm sorry."

"Nope." Louis shakes his head. "Don't blame yourself. We're all just very violent people with no self control."

"That's not true." I mumble. Definitely not.

"Humour me." Louis kisses my cheek. "No matter what way you look at it, this is not your fault."

"He's right." Zayn looks up from his phone. "You haven't done anything to cause this."

I sigh as I think of yesterday's disaster. "Okay... maybe... but... maybe I could do something to end it all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to suggest anything you can comment here or message me at my tumblr ~> shadowhunter-pendragon .X

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading .x feedback would be lovely :)


End file.
